“DEAR DAVID” - ADVICE FROM BEHIND THE
WALL
This outlet can be used by any of you out there who wish to ask
questions about anything and everything; genuine or sarcastic. Some of you may
have children, siblings or friends in prison and simply have questions about
what life in prison is really all about. I will do my very best to help.
Feel free to send your questions to me via email:
Trappedinaz2012@yahoo.com
and my blog moderator will make certain to forward me your questions.
I promise to respond to all in as timely a manner as I can. I will
also maintain everyone’s anonymity unless the writer specifically requests
otherwise. I look forward to hearing from you and beginning this new segment of
the blog!
Lisa
in FL
Lisa,
In my mind, marriage is something that
is very serious. Call me old fashioned, but you really need to knowhow your man
is going to act in all situations, good and bad. I have many friends in prison
who are married and successful at making it work because there is a light at
the end of the tunnel. They can look forward to a life that they can continue
once they come home after release. I even know people who have met while being
in prison that have somehow made it work.
I do have my doubts though when it
comes to people who want to get married to someone who is in prison for life. I
think that it is time you start asking yourself some of the tough questions.
I wish you the best of luck.
Max
in LA
Max,
Oh, where to begin… The conversation
about 'whether convicts potentially have larger endowments' is a rather long one.
LOL But on a serious note, people in
prison are still just regular people with all different body types. Sorry to
burst your bubble, but there is no big difference in here versus outside.
Lori
in Stockton
Lori,
Everyone’s experience in prison is
different. Your son will be much more comfortable if he is able to purchase the
basics once he leaves intake and integrates onto an actual prison yard. I have
no idea what the costs are yor things in California’s Department of
Corrections, but here is what I believe he should have:
§
Essential hygiene products
§
Writing, postage materials
§
Clothing/underwear
§
Dry food products (bread, peanut butter, Ramen
soups)
§
Television (this will keep him from having to
watch other people’s which could become problematic)
Taking into consideration his
sentence, you will need to come to some sort of agreement as far as what level
of monetary support you give him on a monthly basis. Make it clear that he will
have to budget on that. Believe me, whether it is $50. Or $500., it all helps.
Please do not stress yourself out though.
The question of how I survive
financially is simple. I have a steady job in here, ($40.00 every 2 weeks – 80 hours
at $.50 cents per hour) and I am incredibly blessed to be also financially supported
by my family. It is because of these two things that I survive. My situation
is, sadly, not typical of most inmates.
I am so thankful that my mother can
afford to send me what she does. Nothing is cheap in here. The prices at the
inmate store are very similar to what you would pay at a convenience store in your
neighborhood.
Connor
in PA
Connor,
The question of “what type of men do I
like?” is personal , and not necessarily for general consumption Connor. Talk
about putting me on the front street! Thanks! J
I don’t think the qualities that I
look for would be all that surprising to anyone though. Overall, I would prefer
a man who is 25 and older, who know who he is a man and a person and who is
ambitious, kind and loving. I am also drawn to men who are adventurous, loyal
and understanding. Physically I am attracted to handsome men with a bit of
masculine swarthiness. Race has never been an element of importance for me. I
do have a weak-spot for backs, hands, eyes, lips and tattoos.
Eric
in OK
Dear
David,
My
boyfriend of four years was just sentenced to 5 years in prison. He told me to
move on, but I don’t want to. What is the best way to maintain a relationship
with someone in prison?
Eric,
I am sorry to hear about your
boyfriend’s sentence. From my personal experience, I can tell you that you need
to always have your computer or your pen handy because writing will become
second nature. Write about any and everything no matter how mundane it may be
to keep your boyfriend in the loop as if he was with you.
Be patient and realize he is not in
control so you will have to step up to the plate. Phone calls are expensive but
important. They give us a sense of security in simply hearing loved one’s
voices. On the street, we take simple acts like picking up a phone for granted,
but not in here. Visiting is critical
Eric and I can only hope that you are allowed contact visits. You need to be
able to hug, hold hands and really be there face to face. You will find that
being able to steal the occasional kiss will mean the world to both of you.
Relationships are possible, but you
have to be determined. They can easily dissolve if they are not steadfastly
maintained by both parties involved. I suggest that you sit down and tell him
what you are prepared to do and go from there. It will be work, but the
strength you two will develop will really solidify your relationship.
Good luck.
Amanda
in NV
Dear
David,
I have
been dating a guy who is really great for about a month now and we’ve only
kissed a few times, all of which I have instigated. My friends think he may be
gay. How can I tell for sure?
Amanda,
Can he spell Manolo Blahnik? Seriously. The best thing to do is to ask him
if he is attracted to you and what his thoughts are on intimacy and sex!
Jake
in CA
Dear
David,
I am going to prison for a year for
aggravated DUI. Any advice?
Jake,
Well Jake, don’t drink and drive!
You will likely go to a specific yard
in California for DUI offenders, so I am guessing you will be okay. Become an
actor and walk with confidence. (Save the cockiness) Look at people’s noses as
you talk to them instead of direct eye contact. Do not talk about money or
material possessions – at all. Do not gamble at all, in any way. Try to get a
job and develop the same routine for everyday. The time will go by rather
quickly.
Best wishes.
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