Being gay in prison – Is it as challenging as it sounds?

Friday, January 3, 2014

Being gay in prison – Is it as challenging as it sounds? The simple answer is yes. Still, the answer deserves more attention than that though, so I will do my best to explain.

As a gay man coming into prison, you have some options as far as how to proceed through incarceration.

1^st Option; Digress back into the closet completely, reel in any of the effeminate mannerisms and characteristics, become a straight man for all intent and purposes. As a means of survival, I think it can be acceptable in this situation for those who truly can commit to becoming someone else.

2^nd Option; Enter prison being true to who you are and immediately become hitched to someone who will protect you so long as you are their ‘property’. Responsibilities become very wife-like i.e. cooking, cleaning, laundry and sex. Remember that there is no divorce in prison though without serious consequences which usually result on serious physical assault.

3^rd Option; Enter prison being true to who you are and stand your ground as far as remaining on your own. You will have to fight a lot initially because people will test you all the time. As a gay man, we are seen as weak and feminine. So you have to prove yourself worthy of acceptance to the heterosexual population. Along with fighting, you should be able to think, act and speak for yourself. You will be judged at everything: how you play sports, workout, wear your clothing, speak, shake hands etc. All of your behavior can be seen as “gay” or “weak” so be clear on who you are andstick to it. Our reputations are everything in here.

I suppose a great many of you are wondering what option I took. I chose Option 3. To be clear though, I had no idea of what options I had when I first came into prison. All I knew was that I had a high profile case and the media had mentioned that I was a gay male. I figured it would come back to haunt me – so I decided to just be ‘me’. None of it was easy and I have been in more physical altercations than I care to admit. After a few years though, the population began to talk and eventually the word gets out that you can hold your own in a fight. At that point, the fights begin to slow down.

Straight men who come into prison are also challenged, but they are given the benefit of the doubt. Gay men walk head first into war as their own personal gladiator. Once you accept that you are on your own, it can be liberating in a way. Your survival is all up to you so when you ‘make it’, well, it’s a pretty surreal feeling. Even now, after all these years, I look in the mirror at least once a day in awe that I have made it this far.

If someone told me years ago that one of the biggest accomplishments that I would have done in my life is surviving 16 years in prison, I would have laughed and then began describing the many ways in which I would likely have been killed on my first day.

In the final analysis, we, as human beings, whether we are straight, gay, transgender, striped, purple, green or whatever, we are so much stronger than we give ourselves credit for. We must have faith in ourselves. I made the choice to survive. 

I am surviving and I am doing so as a bi-racial, gay man in prison.