My ex partner and I have always sporadically been in contact since
our break up. He is a good man who was supportive of me, but the demise of our
relationship was twofold; we both made mistakes along the way and the accident
was seemingly, the icing on the cake. Initially our communication was confusing
for me because our love and memories complicated things. Now though, I believe
we are in a really good place. He is a friend and that simple, yet powerful
fact surprises me. The very fact that we have a history and have been able to
see one another evolve, grow and become better versions of ourselves adds to
that bond.
The past year or so, we have been in more steady contact and he
has been out to visit a few times. He is relocating to NYC next week from San
Francisco for a new job and I am thrilled for him. This coming Saturday will
likely be the last time I will see him for a good while, so I am looking
forward to that for sure.
As I was speaking to him on the phone yesterday, he asked; “Do you
think if the accident had not happened that we’d be doing the whole marriage
and kids thing?” I paused and then said that I didn’t think so because I would
have inevitably messed things up between the two of us. I stated that it’s
quite possible that if not for the accident, that he and I might not even be in
contact at all. After a period of silence, he agreed. Again, I have no idea
where my life would be or what I’d be doing if I was not here. I do not harp on
those possibilities… The ‘What ifs’ are interesting to think about though.
Right now, today, all I think about is what’s to come. That is
what gives me peace of mind. This life is not ‘it’ for me, but if not for it,
well, I have no idea where I’d be. Is that something to be thankful for?
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