It has been brought to my attention that my friend James, is the
only follower of my blog. The realization of this is bittersweet. James is an
incredibly sweet guy who I am growing to like more and more everyday. It says
so much about his friendship to me that he would be willing to put himself out
there for me. James – if you are reading this, I thank you, from the bottom of
my heart.
On the flip side, this news has also caused me to realize that the
people who are closest to me, whom I know keep up with the blog, have not
become official ‘followers’. I cannot
help but to wonder if their reluctance to do so is from embarrassment, or
simply that they really do want to retain their privacy. Either way, I respect
their wishes. I won’t lie though, it still makes me wonder. If there is shame
involved, it should not be them who are ashamed. It should be me. Believe me when
I say that it is me. I feel shame every second of every day that I landed
myself in this place. How could I possibly be proud of that? I will be a felon
for the rest of my life. I may look back on this experience, years from now,
and tell someone about how I made a terrible choice when I was 20 years old,
and then paid the price. But deep down, there will always be shame.
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