Tuesday, October 7, 2014
I read this book titled “The AdonisComplex” over the weekend. When I began reading the book, I maintained an open
mind as I believe I know people suffering from this. As I delved deeper into
the text however, I became acutely aware of the fact that I too, am exhibiting
characteristics of this complex.
There is no point denying the fact that
I grew up as a very secure and confident young man. Unlike most however, I somehow lost
all of that confidence in my early to mid teens. I literally had to start out at ground zero in terms
of rebuilding myself. Though challenging, I think that I have finally gotten to a
decent place both mentally and emotionally. Physically, I am fine with how I
look and I love my body. I am complimented constantly and my workouts are mimicked
regularly by others. Isn’t that imitation supposed to register a high form of flattery?
The problem is not what is on the
outside though, it is what is on the inside. And that is one of the biggest problems many people have today.
Our cosmetically superficial traits are directly linked to our deeper, inner
personal insecurities.
Take me for instance. I receive compliments
on my appearance, how much I have grown, matured etc. All of that is good, but
it doesn’t really register with me. It all kind of goes in one ear and out the
other. The things that do stay with me, the things that register, are the
negative comments about my flaws. My reaction is to always counter any
compliment or positive feedback with a negative thought that I may have. It is a scary revelation because
it’s all very connected.
Let’s see if you can relate in any way
to how I combat things mentally….
- When people say that I have grown and matured so much, I hear them. But my thinking voice is wondering if they know how much I keep bottled up inside though? Really, that is all I do now so, if that is a sign of growth and maturity, then yes, I have excelled at that without a doubt.
- When people say I am looking good, well I hear that too. I do not believe those compliments though. Instead, I see a follically challenged man, with horrendous combination skin damaged by the sun and a face that is aged by the anxiety and stress of prison.
I don’t know how I have missed all these
blatant counter attacks on myself all this time. This book has opened more
doors for me – and at the same time, slapped me in the face. The big question
it raised is of course: do I love myself? The answer is ‘yes’ – but I have
realized that I have conditions to that self-love.
That is something that I need to work
on. Alas, I am seriously a constant work in progress.
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