’13 Things you must give up to be Happy – and how I feel about them’

Recently, I was watching a television program that raised the topic of happiness. The following 13 suggestions of things to abandon were mentioned. It got me to think about how those suggestions related to me personally. 

1.   Give up bad spending habits

This is not an issue for me. I have adopted a really good amount of self discipline in spending and deciphering what it is that I need vs. what I want. (But I also love a good deal when it can be found…)

2.   Give up waiting for the perfect moment. Do it now

Given my current situation, this is really not something I can put in motion…at least not in the areas of my life that I would like to see affected.

3.   Give up your Social Media obsession

I don’t even know what that would entail for me since I do not have any access to social media.

4.   Give up living in the past. Those times may have shaped you into what you are today, but they don’t have the power to control your future.

This is something I struggle with. I am conscious of it, but it is so easy to revert back to the past. I know that I have grown and changed in more ways than I can count, so I need to focus on the future and being the man that I have become.

5.   Give up your yearning to fit in

Not an issue for me since I have never exactly ‘fit in’. I have come to embrace this train in myself. For me, fitting in is boring and lacks personal identification.

6.   Give up your disorganized lifestyle

I am obsessive in my life and meticulous in all that I do so disorganization is not an option for me. Personally I find disorganization unacceptable because I cannot function in life if things are in disarray.

7.   Give up your overanalyzing of situations

I fall short on this habit. I analyze a lot and can easily find myself overanalyzing situations. Ironic; I am even overanalyzing my analysis of this habit. Not a good sign.

8.   Give up your need to have the “best” things. Don’t forget about the wonderful things you already have.

This is easy for me because I remind myself of the things that I do have in this situation. All of the material stuff has become less and less important to me. I still enjoy some of the best things… I just place less emphasis on them now that I did before.

9.   Give up toxic relationships

At the moment, I don’t have any.

10.       Give up your hesitation to indulge.

Indulging for me is putting my feet up and reading a good book. I do it every chance that I can get.

11.        Give up comparing yourself to others. Embrace who you are because there isn’t anyone better than you can be.

Not until coming to prison did I open my eyes and begin to move forward in becoming the best David, the best man that I know how to be. It’s something I wish everyone could do.

12.        Give up your packed schedule. Choose a day a week to dedicate to yourself.

Easier said than done and I think most people would agree – but duly noted.

13.       Give up relying on others to make you feel happy & fulfilled. You are in charge of your own wellness. Know what you want out of life.

I know intrinsically that this is true. I have had my own issues with happiness and think that I have yet to discover what it feels like authentically. One thing is certain; I do not rely on others to make me feel happy or fulfilled. I know that only I can do that.

‘I am beginning to believe that procrastination is an epidemic’

Thursday, February 5, 2015

Sometimes you have to sit down, take a deep breath, survey the proverbial land and get your bearings again.  It becomes necessary to re-focus your lens again, if you will. What is it that causes us to continue on – while actively (and sometimes subconsciously) choosing to maneuver around the tasks that truly deserve our more immediate attention? For me, more times than not, it is fear. If that is the case for everyone else, I simply do not know.

There is irony in the fact that so many of us will gladly offer our time and energy to help other people deal with their issues and address things in their lives. But when it comes to our own “STUFF” however, it more often than not gets discussed and considered, and nothing ever happens.

A year ago, I mentioned how incredibly frustrating it was for me to sit by and watch the people I care most about, actively choose to not take advantage of their lives, their choices etc.. Innocently, I hadn’t looked in the mirror. Mind you, I was taking control, being productive and living each day as much as I could in this environment. Still, there were things that I actively chose to ignore as well.

I am not ignoring things now. I am embracing everything… even the complex and awkward things. It’s incredibly difficult to do – and it would be so easy to revert back to my ‘ignorance is bliss’ state – but now, it is too late. Now I realize how many things went unattended because of my own personal fear. I do not want to procrastinate things in my life for the wrong reasons. Clearly, it doesn’t do me any good!

I am penning this entry primarily for those who are closest to me. We, as a familial unit have been making some very big changes and I am hoping we can all stand back and agree, that we can’t stop now. It would of course, be easy to do, but I don’t want to take the easy road anymore.

I just hope that those of you who are constant followers of this blog take these words to heart. Regardless of how you choose to receive the message in this entry, it affects everyone.

We as human beings, can always use some motivation. I know I can.

‘How often do we do, or say something wrong and never even realize it?’

Thursday, February 5, 2015

By now, most of you are aware that I have had a hell of an adventure when it come to pen pals and getting to know someone through “snail mail”. I have had so many ‘come and go’ pen pals over the years that I could literally write an entire novel about the experience. One thing however, that remains constant with all of these writer’s diversity is that they slowly fade, then disappear back into their own respective lives. 

I have discussed this many times with Joey over the years. It is so easy to think that there must surely be something ‘wrong’ with these pen pals, when in fact, there may indeed be something wrong with me! 

A pattern of repeated behavior used to be easily identifiable, but over time, I have changed. In the beginning, I was obviously attempting to fill a void of intimacy and emotion. Acknowledging that fact was difficult, because it made me feel weak and desperate. Once I pulled in the reigns and began to get a grip, I began to focus my correspondence in developing friendships. While it would start there, invariable, things would escalate to a deeper level and I would – fall for it. My guess is that on the other end, the reality of being involved with someone in prison would set in and ‘POOF’, they would disappear. 

I wound up pulling away from corresponding with pen pals because nothing positive was resulting and more often than not, I would feel like crap in the aftermath. When I finally decided that it was time to reconnect with people, I chose to look at it in a new way. I genuinely wanted to make some new friends, to keep things on a strictly platonic level and to engage in some meaningful, ephemeral dialogues. My hopes were dashed. Those efforts, failed as well.

The entire situation is so disheartening. I admit that people these days are busy with life, work, responsibilities etc.. I understand that completely. Still, the correspondence has a tendency to fail once a true connection has been made (i.e. after months of correspondence) and so, I cannot help but to wonder if it is me – rather than them?

Have you ever tried to scrutinize your own behavior?

It is very difficult because you do not want to be too easy or too hard on yourself. That in mind, I have no idea if it was me or not who caused the breakdown of these pen pal engagements. In the absence of knowing, I am left with no other alternative that to assume that, it must be me.

Change for most, is hard. Change when you don’t know what you need to change… well, that is almost impossible. I am open to ideas, thoughts and criticisms. If you, the reader, have anything to say, them please feel free to comment here – or drop me a line.

‘Personal Viewpoints’

Sunday, January 25, 2015

Over the years, I have been secretly trying to find the best possible “me” that I could find. For some of us, we need to work on that more diligently than others because somehow, we’ve lost our way. When that happens, I myself always have to start back at square one. Once I started becoming truly honest with myself, it was rather easy. I took a deep breath and accepted that I know who I am, how I feel and think etc... I needed to be true to these things in order to be genuine with “David”.

Evolution happens whether we like it or not. It’s one of those things that will forever be out of our control to a certain extent. In my own humble way, I have learned to accept and embrace change. I know that things will invariably change and so, in order to remain positive about it, and not fear it, I have instead, chosen to look forward to it. That said, I have evolved in my own individual way and that’s alright. No matter what changes occur, I have already acknowledged a baseline of my own personal viewpoints in life. Everything branches off of these ideas as they are fundamental to who I am.

Here are some of my own personal viewpoints. You can agree or disagree, but either way – you will ultimately learn a great deal about me through these convictions:

Life is – about the destination

Competition is – winning

Vanity is – Looking your best is very important

Relationships are – Essential. Partnering with someone is the core foundation of one’s happiness. The security of knowing someone is there – is key

Physical Fitness is – Vital. Working out/exercise enhances your overall appearance and makes you feel better mentally, emotionally and physically

Wealth is – Defined by what you own and achieve

Cleaning is – Critical. An orderly environment enables you to think more clearly, feel organized and in control

Status is – Tangible. You are always being judged by others on your socioeconomic position in society

Happiness is – Being in control of your life and destiny and being able to change things when needed.

My vision, my core values and life experience can in some way be pinged off of – or to – one of these statements. I make no apologies for my viewpoints because it is what I believe. There is no way of telling whether these ideas were spurned by environmental influence or not but I believe that most people are molded to think one way or another from a very young age. It is possible that I was influenced throughout my childhood and it has become what I believe as an adult. This is me – after my individuality and life experience was blended up with my moral compass.

Outlook on life can, and will change. This I know. There is no way to compare a life behind bars to that of someone for example, with terminal cancer. The viewpoints would be completely divergent in every way. The core values of simply wanting to live however, may still be the same. 

It’s all very thought provoking and well, uncanny.