‘Domestic Violence…Is it really so different than violence in general?’

Monday, September 29, 2014

Okay, here’s the deal: I have gone back and forth over whether or not I should – or should not – address this issue here in my blog. Because of the Ray Rice incident, domestic violence amongst football players is a very HOT topic around the world right now, and I have incredibly mixed feelings about it. Please keep in mind that I can only speak from my own opinion but if any of you would like to comment, then please feel free to do so. 

It is a very vexing situation for me. Football runs through my veins and that is not an exaggeration. I am quite frankly obsessed. I grew up with the San Francisco 49ers in the 80’s and 90’s when violence in the sport of football was all part of the draw. Ronnie Lotte, for example, was one of the most aggressive players in the NFL at that time and we literally wanted him to kill his opponents. As fans, we would yell “Crush em!’”, “Take their heads off!”, Go for their knees!” and all sorts of other horrible, outrageous things. And we meant it too. Obviously it was expressed in a more metaphysical, than literal way.

Football has toned down now for the safety of the players but, it is still a violent sport and we, as fans, love it. Here is the double standard though: we want these athletes to be testosterone storming, to be strong, aggressive and violent on the field. They are human beings though – which means that ‘trained behavior’ sticks with them. Can we really blame them for beating up their wives or girlfriends, or do we need to also blame ourselves for turning them into the dominant, aggressive and violent beings that they have become?

Please believe me: I am in no way making excuses for their behavior but rather, just highlighting the “why?” aspect in the minds of these men. There is no quick fix because even though it is clearly a problem within professional sports, it is also a worldwide pandemic. 

Yes, there is a nurture/nature aspect to violent behavior. If a child grows up in a violent home then it is more likely that they will become violent in their own life, But how do we stop the cycle? Is it even possible?

A major problem that I do have is this: why is domestic assault handled differently than any other assault? Whose idea was that and where is the logic?

Imagine this:

Scenario #1 – a man beats his wife’s head in with an iron and fractures most every bone in her face. He is charged with domestic assault violence and given a few months in jail.

Scenario #2 – using a baseball bat, a man beats a female clerk at a convenience store in the head and fractures every bone in her face. He is charged with aggravated assault, or possibly, attempted murder and goes away to prison for many years.

Violence is violence. Yes, I am a guilty proponent of it when it comes to professional sports. I enjoy mixed martial arts, and my favorite sports are Football and Rugby. No surprise that both of these sports are incredibly violent.

How do I find a balance? Is it possible?

"I do"; 'There has been an overwhelming amount of marriage applications coming through'

Monday, February 4, 2013

My 49ers could not hang on for the Superbowl. Watching the game was so difficult and I suppose I should be happy with the fact that we came back from being down a whopping 22 points. We still did not have victory though. Oh well. There is always next season and no matter what, win lose, or tie, it’s Niners til I die!

It’s 5:00 AM and I have been up since 4:00 AM. John has just gone out for a run and will be back in time for us to get to work by 6:00 AM. Being that it is Monday, I’m almost certain that my inbox at work is full. There is something in the air of the new year too because there has been an overwhelming amount of marriage applications coming through. It’s really crazy to see so many of the guys I live around getting married. Sadly, the only real thoughts I have are in wondering who these women are that want to marry some of these guys.

Besides work, I will just take it easy and see what the day brings. I am still bound and determined to have a good month.

 

The days really go by so much easier when you have things to look forward to.

Sunday, February 3, 2013

This month will be really great for me. On top of the fact that my football team will be in the Superbowl today, I have a lot of things to look forward to.

My best friend in the world, Joe, will be here from Boston on the 23^rd and 24^th. Our friend Aiden, will be here on the 26^th but he will only be visiting with my mom. Still, I am oddly happy about that. We have food visit on Sunday the 10^th so Mom, and the rest of the ‘Fam Bam’ will be here with al of my favorite foods to feed me. That is always a good time.

There are also a couple of really interesting guys who have reached out to me whom I have responded to. I am waiting to hear back from them. The most intriguing is a guy named Rich who is originally from Boston but currently living in Las Vegas.

Yes, this should be a really wonderful month!

FOOD VISIT!!!!!!

A Weekend of Calls; "these calls were about facing the facts."

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

My weekend was spent talking to friends and family on the phone and of course, watching football. My 49ers ended up tying with the Rams which was crazy, but at least we remain number 1 in our division.

 The phone calls were interesting…

Cliff
I called Cliff because there had been a decided shift in our correspondence. It had became more intimate and heartfelt in nature. He had made a couple of references to the suggestion of “if we were together” and well, I took note of that. When I called, I realized almost immediately that he sounded distant and withdrawn. Not long after that, he began to use phrases such as ‘we will either stay in or go to the gym’. He was of course, referring to his partner and himself. Reality smacked me in the face and I thought to myself; ‘What the hell am I thinking?’ In sensing his discomfort, I decided to end the call. I wrote to him and am awaiting his response.

Mom

As always, she needed advice from me regarding a new car purchase and somehow it segued into the possibility of her moving to South Beach, Miami Florida instead of Boston. Mind you, I had just finished writing a letter to Joe about the possibility of him moving to Florida as a retirement thought. I couldn’t help but to think that the timing was incredibly odd. Still, it began the wheels roiling in my head. I know deep down mom wants to be close to me, but I am going to be released to live at Joe’s house. If he is in Boston, I will be in Boston and if he is in Florida, I will be in Florida. As a starting point, it is the best situation for me. Eventually though, I will be living in Boston, one way or the other. That is where I want my permanent residence and my life to be. Surprisingly, mom sounded as if she already expected that.

Joe

Without provocation, he reassured me that coming to live with him was 100% fine. He has come around to the idea of it and I am so relieved. I know that there will be challenges between us, but what I need is to start making my own way. Joe is my friend and does not symbolize a parental figure. I do not have to hide anything from him and will not feel pressure to do things that I am not really on board with.

The key to all three of these phone calls is that they do correlate to one another. All of these calls were about facing the facts, acknowledging reality and moving forward,

Anyway, I am back to work, but only until Friday and then I am off for another 12 days for Thanksgiving. As I mentioned before; I have a lot of vacation time this month…

Birthdays, are just "another day"

Sunday, September 30, 2012
 
My 32^nd birthday is coming up on October 9^th, Already, the birthday cards have begun to filter in and I am always appreciative when I receive mail at mail call. It really does make my day that much more tolerable.Before coming to prison, I used to have elaborate, outrageous birthdays. We would all go out. The best, most memorable birthday was my 6^th. My mom was very good friends with a couple of players on the San Francisco NFL 49ers football team and she invited about half of the team to join us at Chucky Cheese to celebrate my birthday. That day will forever be engraved in my memory.  Throughout the years though, my birthday would always be marked by some crazy party or snowboarding trip.

When I arrived in prison, I pretty much stopped counting birthdays. This year however, I will try to be at peace. I will not have a visit because I would actually prefer the people I love, to be together for me and not spend it at a state prison in Arizona. Everyone who knows me intimately, knows of my love of music. That is my usual request and so now people have taken to just sending CDs at random through Amazon.com. Thankfully, they know my taste! J

This past Tuesday, I received Flo Rida Flo Rida and Britney Spears Britney Spears along with some great blogging books from Joe. Mom sent me Tamia, Elle Varner http://www.ellevarner.com/and apparently I have some more coming, but they will be a surprise. So come this Tuesday, October 9^th, I will be listening to music and most likely, blogging to you.

I do suspect that my friend John is planning something as well. I do have to do some more investigating. Cooking is not one of John’s strong suits, so I hope it is not a meal.  He knows that I will eat it if he makes it though.