‘Alternative Lifestyles and Correctional Officers’

Sunday, February 15, 2015

The politically correct term for the LGBT community within a prison facility is ‘Alternative Lifestyle’. I have to tell you that I HATE that title. I always have and always will. To say that I am classified as an ‘Alternative Lifestyle; makes me feel as if I have somehow chosen this way of life rather than simply being the gay man that I am. It’s an unfortunate truth that I alone will never be able to change that and so, I have learned to swallow a certain amount of pride and simply accept it.

One would think, as a gay man, that all gay men would be a united front within the correctional system. I have touched on this topic previously (see related blog entries below) and explained that we are not in fact united. In fact, we go so far as to divide, segregate and ‘click up’ into our own distinct sub categories. As a reminder to those of you who have not been following this blog since the inception, these are the categories of the ‘Alternative Lifestyles’ in prison:

Gay Men  Guys who work out, excel at sports. Have masculine/heterosexual mannerisms and are generally accepted by the ‘straight’ male inmates without issue. They tend to not associate with anyone in the LGBT community in prison.

Gay Boys  Guys who are effeminate and go out of their way to present themselves as ‘pretty’. They tend to wear form fitting clothing and like to have trysts whenever possible. They are struggling to find their niche of acceptance.

Queens  Guys who present themselves as female and take on pseudo female nicknames such as “cocoa”, “Asia”, “Hollywood”, “Candy”, etc. They are a force to be reckoned with and aggressive when travelling in packs. They are comical and entertaining to watch amd I mean that in a very heartfelt way.

Chicks  Guys who are physically transitioning into females. They have  had hormone therapy, implants, injections of Botox and fillers. Since they are not complete in their gender reassignment and still have male genitalia, they are housed with men in general population. In my 13 years, I have only met one Chik and she was only on the yard for a few weeks before being moved. She received multiple disciplinary infractions and was reassigned elsewhere. Beyond that, she was treated well by both inmates and staff.

So, now that you have a baseline, I can address the question of what the dynamic is between correctional officers and the ‘Alternative Lifestyle’ population.

I am not certain what is assumed, but I am here to say that I have never had any issue with staff because of my sexuality. I think, and I can only say this because of the type of questions I receive on this topic, that the public speculation is that gay men are treated terribly by the officers. I have never personally witnessed that behavior. I have seem both officers and the administration personnel go out of their way to ensure safety and comfort for the gay community in prison.

I think that somehow there is a cloud of misrepresentation regarding LGBT inmates and officers. The general, free population hears horror stories of what it is like to be gay in prison. While many of those stories may be true, it is typically not because of the officers, but rather, the fellow inmates. The officers, (at least the ones I have known) treat gay inmates like everyone else – which is a good thing. If nothing else, perhaps I can in this blog post, clear up that misconception for you.

The inmate on inmate issues will forever be present and it really is about the “leader” vs. the “follower” in here. The majority of inmates are followers and they are this way in hopes of being accepted and for their own survival. The leaders are typically narrow minded, and like true politicians, tend to forget the bigger picture. Unfortunately, they do not forgo their own personal beliefs in order to create peace and order among the greater population. If you are curious as to where I stand in this whole mess, well bear this in mind; I have previously been a ‘leader’ (or as they call them in prison: a “Head”). The only reason I was successful in it was because I knew the right people and that I am considerably more intelligent than many of the other inmates. That said, I was able to lead a lot of “thirsty people to water”, in a manner of speaking. What I failed to realize was he huge amount of energy it took from me.

Today, I am an independent. I’m just DAVID . My reputation is pretty solid and because of my prison history, nobody can really tell me what to do. For clarification, I categorize myself into the ‘Gay Men; group. I am guilty in that I do not really associate with anyone else in the GLBT community we are all very different in how we live day to day. Sadly it is also about survival and reputation. It doesn’t make me feel good, but it is what it is.  Consequently, the LGBT community does not care for me or for that matter, any of the other Gay men. I gather that they feel since we do not socialize with them, that we somehow think we are better than them. Perhaps they presume we do not care about them. Simply put, the fact is that we have chosen different paths in how we serve our prison time.

Truthfully, after further analysis, the larger LGBT community may well be stronger than the Gay Men simply because they stand tall exactly as they are. Gay Men, are more accepted by everyone, but perhaps on different terms.

There will never be any way to fix this. It will go on forever – just as it does outside these walls. It is our own fault and we have no one to blame but ourselves. The only thing we have in common is the fact that we continue to be misunderstood. 

Related Posts:

http://trappedinaz.blogspot.com/2014/01/being-gay-in-prison-is-it-as.html

http://trappedinaz.blogspot.com/2012/09/last-week-homosexual-was-brought-to-yard.html

http://trappedinaz.blogspot.com/2012/10/traitor-homosexuals-in-prison-for.html

"I do"; 'There has been an overwhelming amount of marriage applications coming through'

Monday, February 4, 2013

My 49ers could not hang on for the Superbowl. Watching the game was so difficult and I suppose I should be happy with the fact that we came back from being down a whopping 22 points. We still did not have victory though. Oh well. There is always next season and no matter what, win lose, or tie, it’s Niners til I die!

It’s 5:00 AM and I have been up since 4:00 AM. John has just gone out for a run and will be back in time for us to get to work by 6:00 AM. Being that it is Monday, I’m almost certain that my inbox at work is full. There is something in the air of the new year too because there has been an overwhelming amount of marriage applications coming through. It’s really crazy to see so many of the guys I live around getting married. Sadly, the only real thoughts I have are in wondering who these women are that want to marry some of these guys.

Besides work, I will just take it easy and see what the day brings. I am still bound and determined to have a good month.

 

Rest time is over; "I have really no idea what today will bring as far as work goes."

Monday, October 22, 2012

I’m dragging my ass this morning. It’s 4:00 AM and since I have been able to sleep in for the past 10 days of vacation, my internal clock is not pleased with the fact that I am awake. As everyone knows, this is completely normal. As I write, I have a cup of coffee by my side and the beautiful people on Univision’s ‘Despeierta America’ http://videos.univision.com/shows/despierta-america are telling me about what’s going on in the world.

I ended up accomplishing a lot yesterday. I had a hard work out, switched out my summer clothes for the winter ones since the temperatures have dropped, cooked dinner for friends, masturbated twice and caught up with my various pen pals. As I have stated before, my pen pals serve up a much needed distraction. Some are more permanent than others and so, I have various levels of relationships with all of them.  Only one at the moment, Mark, is actively pursuing me. While that is fine, I have to be realistic. We have never met and I am eleven years older than him. He is very mature, but I do not believe that he understands all that he would be signing up for so I am the one responsible for hitting the breaks. Do I like him? Yes. I like him very much. But like anyone is interacting with a few people, I am compelled to be drawn to some more than others. I take it all one day at a time though, because in truth, I doubt any of them would seriously be able to handle being in a relationship with someone in prison, let alone me!

I can be analytical, stubborn, and incorrigible at times even. When the romance door is open, I have a habit of going 0-100 mph in a very short time. I have really been trying not to do that because all it does is send me through an emotional roller coaster. I deal with that enough just be being in prison so to go through that with someone beyond these walls as well, would be crazy. I’m not suggesting that a true romance with an inmate in impossible. It is. I’ve seen relationships work. I simply do not know if it would work for me. I cannot lie though; I wish that it would.

I have really no idea what today will bring as far as work goes. I am positive we will be busy and that it will be intwined with ramblings of my boss’ trip to San Francisco. Those stories will be bittersweet because I always think of San Francisco as my original city. I refer to Boston as my new city.

Funny, I am a very visual person and when I speak to people about San Francisco, I know the streets like the back of my hand. I know the best dive restaurants, bars, shops etc.. I can easily get caught up in all of it and then, the realization that I live in this place instead, hits me like a ton of bricks. I hate that. For that reason, I tend to not talk about places that I have lived or have been to.

When I speak of Boston though, it’s totally different because I have never lived or been there. But I plan on making it my home upon release. When I talk about Boston, or look at all the photos, it gets me excited and gives me a sense of hope, of peace and happiness. I can only assume that because I am in prison, talking about the past, and my life before this, triggers memories and well, it is upsetting. I obviously would much rather think and speak about the future. In that regard, this place is no more. I want so badly for all of this to be behind me. I know that this is my punishment and I do accept it. But there are those of us who will break the law again, and those of us who will not. I fall into the latter. I have most definitely learned my lesson.

Men; "the odds of someone looking to become seriously involved with me in this position are very slim"

Saturday, October 13, 2012

Last night, I was finally able to call my friend Cliff in DC. We have been writing (pen palling) since 2009. This is the first time we have spoken on the phone and it was amazing! He is a great guy; funny, charismatic, accomplished and very handsome. We are friends and talking to him was really great. There is no doubt that I would pursue him in a more serious and romantic manner if possible, but he is involved, and I most definitely respect that. On top of that, the odds of someone looking to become seriously involved with me in this position are very slim. In any case, I hope to have more conversations with him and who knows, perhaps one day he will come out to visit.

Coming back inside, I gave the rundown of my phone call with Cliff to John. John has attempted to play matchmaker with me with a couple of his gay friends in Miami. Really, it is quite endearing. Last night though, he asked me who my top five fantasy men would be, and my answers surprised him. My top 5 are: 1. William Levy, 2. Collin Farrell, 3. Jason Statham, 4. Morris Chestnut,  & 5. Gabriel Macht. I asked John who he thought my top five would be. He replied: 1. Joe Manganiello, 2. Ricky Martin, 3. Lenny Kravitz, 4. David Beckham and 5. Vin Diesal. In truth, I would not kick any of those men out of bed, but I did get a good sense of how well he knows me. But I think his ideas were definitely close enough, to trust his recommendation. Weird, eh?

In the past year of so, John has had a crash course in all things gay, which is very comical. He is already what you would consider “Metrosexual” though. Thank goodness he is open minded and non judgmental. As far as John is concerned he does not have a top 5 females. He only has Gisele Bundchen.

Anyway, I have absolutely no agenda today besides going out, calling Joe and then checking in with mom and Kevin. At the moment, they are still feeding breakfast here so I have no idea when the yard will open up. Everything here, takes twice as long on the weekends.

Traitor; "homosexuals in prison, for whatever reason, take on a female persona.."

Thursday, October 4, 2012

I have continued to think about things that I have said with regard to other homosexuals in prison. Emotionally, I feel as if I have become a traitor to my own people and so, I feel as if it warrants some further explanation. First though, I need to paint a portrait of the homosexuals we are talking about.

The greater majority of male homosexuals in prison, for whatever reason, take on a female persona. They do not live as females on the street, and yet they do in prison. I have yet to figure out exactly why that is. I simply accept it. Over the years, I have known many in the prison system and they are all unique in their own way. The problem is that they totally become transfixed by penises.  I can’t honestly say I blame them. There are penises everywhere. We are naked so much that it is a very normal sight.

So the homosexuals who come to prison, and take on a female identity, usually choose to be called by a feminine ‘handle’ or name. I will give a brief rundown of the ones that matter. Mind you, some have become quite infamous along the way.

Dee

Dee is an overweight Native American whom I befriended in county Jail. We began our time together in maximum security and ironically, were transferred to a medium custody yard together. On the bus ride, we were shackled together. Dee explained to me that she was going to affiliate with the Mexican Americans, instead of the Native Americans because she liked Mexican men. I warned her that it would be risky, but she did it anyway.  We were only on the yard for four hours before she was assaulted by the Native Americans. I watched in horror, but was thankful that it wasn’t me. I know how badly that sounds, but again, one must survive.

Coco

Coco is a bi-racial man who had long hair, a gold tooth and wore clothing so tight, you would have an easier time putting toothpaste back into the tube. Coco was all about business, He had an actual menu for sexual favors:

Blow Job             4 honey buns
Hand Job            2 honey buns
Kissing                 Cup of coffee
Sex                       $10.00 of store credit

The most amazing part, was that Coco’s locker was always overflowing with food and he was always working.

Gigi

Gigi was a frail, dark chocolate man with a lazy eye. Word on the yard was that Gigi gave the best blowjob in the state. The problem was, Gigi was a heroin addict and guys would have to pay him with drugs for his service, If Gigi was high before the oral sex began, you were taking a chance that he would nod off, or pass out during the process. It actually made many guys angry and they wanted their money back.

Vicki

Vicki was a tall white man that had a penchant for black guys. In prison, having sex with a person of another race is strictly taboo. Vicki however, took every opportunity available. He would go into someone’s cell to “play a game of chess”. Funny thing was, the game was usually over in about 4 minutes. When Vicki would exit the cell, there would always be a huge, cheesy grin on his face. Vicki and I did not get along because he wanted to be called Jason, but the name Vicki had already stuck and I always called him that.

Kay

“Ms. Kay”, as I call her, is probably one of the most sought after homosexuals in the system. He is a beautiful man and an even more beautiful woman. He wore fitted clothes, make up and permed long hair. He also had an ass that spoke to the men. We are actually friends because Kay happens to know how to do time. He doesn’t sleep around, but rather, prefers to be in relationships. He can fight amazingly well and doesn’t play games.

Chris

Chris is a 52 year old ex drag queen from San Francisco. He and I became instant friends and have remained that way. He has been in prison for 23 years and knows everything there is to know about doing time. I have a tremendous amount of love for him and hope to see him again soon.

Certain homosexuals like Vicki, Coco and Gigi, cause huge amounts of drama on the yard and between the races. It is because of that, that inmates at the more aggressive yards in the state will not allow them to be housed there.  The yard that I am currently on, is one of those yards. The administration though, will try to house anyone here. (why wouldn’t they?) It is not their fault because everyone should be allowed to live here. It is our fault, the inmates. We are the ones telling them to leave and they cannot stay. It breaks my heart when I see this, because there was a time when I was being told to ‘leave’. (I will explain later, but it is true.)

There are exceptions. Certain homosexuals are allowed to stay if an inmate who has served over 10 consecutive years, or is an OG (old gangster) vouches for and takes responsibility for them. I have been on this yard for almost a year now and have yet to see someone stand up and vouch for a homosexual who was brought here.

Because of who I am, and the respect that I have earned, I can voucher, but I do not . And that makes me a ‘traitor’ in a way. (I could only imagine myself vouching for Chris or Kay should they show up. ) But again, I must survive here. If I vouch for one, and they cause a problem, then I am the one responsible. The end result, would not be good for me. Not good at all.

Relationships; "Bromances occur when 2 inmates really get along."

Saturday, October 6, 2012

Prison relationships are incredibly interesting and I have studied them a great deal. There are two different types of relationships. The 1^st is the “outer” prison relationship. An outer relationship means that we are connected with a person on the outside, in society. In those bonds, we correspond with them through letters, call them regularly by phone, visit with them and have every intention of sharing a life with them upon our release.

These relationships can be good, or bad, but regardless, they take a lot of work. The inmates have very little control within the relationship, so it is up to us to step it up and be there emotionally and mentally. If the outer person completely accepts and understands that there will not be a physical relationship, and can cope with that, things should be okay.

At visit, we can kiss, touch and grab a quick feel, but again, for most people, that can’t make up for the loss of real physical intimacy. For us, well, we have no choice in the matter and so, we have to deal with it. Those on the outside, can move on if they choose to. 70 % of the outer relationships that I have seen in prison, have ended with the person on the outside throwing in the towel. So the odds of everything working out – are not great. Still, I have seen it work.

I have friends here who have girlfriends, boyfriends and wives. There are commonalities within their partners and they are very obvious. Most, if not all of the outer people are naturally dominant within life. They like control and have no issues with making decisions. They do not care about how they are perceived. As you could imagine, they get a certain degree of negative commentary and judgment. They are usually positive people who have hope and a genuine love for the inmate they are involved with.

Now, there is a small percentage of outer people that are just the opposite. They are completely insecure, damaged even and for whatever reason, believe that being involved with an inmate, is the best they can do. It is sad to see this type of outer person actually. In the end, I suppose, people are people though and everyone wants love in their life in some way.

Personally though, I would say that 3% of the inmate population could essentially be in a healthy relationship, get released and live happy, productive lives.

The 2^nd type of relationship is the “inner” prison relationship. This type of bond is very common and on the outside I believe the term would be ‘Bromance’.  Bromances occur when 2 inmates really get along and end up confiding in each other about any and everything.  They spend all of their time together and never tire of one another. These relationships are rewarding because they are rare.  When found, they typically last forever and continue on outside of these walls. They can be dangerous though because one of the two could always be moved to a different yard at anytime. The separation can definitely take its toll, just like in any other relationship.

John and I are a ‘Bromance’ and we are even more rare because we are effectively aligned with different races. It works though and he is my “Bromer” as I call him.

Last week, a homosexual was brought to the yard

Tuesday September 11, 2012

The lights are on and everyone is stirring. I attempted to sleep in today since I do not have to be at work until noon. I only got in an extra 30 minutes or so.

We had 5 different people roll up yesterday. “Rolling up” means they have said that they are not safe and wish tobe placed into protective segregation. All of the guys yesterday were white, so I am sure administration will be going after my friend, Bild, the Head of the whites. When people roll up willingly, they have to give up some intelligence to staff in order to be moved. 9 times out of 10, they always say the “Head” was threatening them into paying their debts etc. When that happens, it is only a matter of time before begin targeting the Head. If it continues, or if too many people become assaulted,  then the Head will be placed at the Special Management Unit which is basically a permanent “hole”. They will be considered a permanent security threat. The overall situation is bad because we do not normally step forward and say “I want to be the Head of our people”. Most times we are elected and told the position is ours. Should someone decline the position, then they end up being physically disciplined. It is not fair, but then again, not much in prison is.

Last week, a homosexual was brought to the yard. The inmates refused to allow him on the physical yard so he in turn, never stood a chance and had to leave. Since we one of the most violent yards in the state, the inmate population has made a unanimous decision to not allow any homosexuals here.  This is especially true for very effeminate homosexuals who refer to themselves. You may be wondering; why am I here then? Obviously there are exceptions to the rule. I am certainly the exception. I am, for all practical purposes, the ‘different one’.

Many years ago, I was linked up with a great guy named Lay-Z.. He is a highly respected member in a gang so is also very respected in prison. The overall perception was that because of this, I was not to be fucked with. Though I never really appreciated being perceived as someone’s “property”… It was an incredibly smart move that has never lost its advantages.  But on top of that, I am not a typical gay male. I am more of a ‘man’s man’ ; I work out, play sports, have learned the verbal lingo; the various handshakes and how to dress. I am accepted and over above that, I can fight. That little fact is well known throughout the prison population and definitely helps a lot. In any case, my sexual orientation rarely comes up and 80% of the prison population still believes, or views me as the property of Lay-Z even though we have not been on a yard together since 2009.

Whenever there is another gay inmate turned away, there is always a feeling of somehow being a traitor inside me. I feel like I should be doing something to make their lives easier here but to do so, would be putting myself in some serious jeopardy. The only people who actively stand up for homosexuals are the inmates who claim them like objects. I have been on a lot of yards with that dynamic and always... something happens. The most common incident is that they cheat on their man with someone from a rival gang or a different race.  The punishment for an offense of that nature is severe. Last year, a gay inmate was murdered. After a terrible beating, he was left in his bed to die slowly.  It is events of that nature that remind me that this place, is not ‘ok’.

Do not think that simply because  there are no open homosexuals allowed, that guys are not having sex. They are – and it is quite common. Why it is acceptable, I have no idea. I believe that they psychologically convince themselves that are not gay or bisexual. They are simply just ‘getting off’. Things are not always supposed to make sense. This is one thing that I have had to really get used to over the years.

As far as things go today, we have a volleyball tournament tonight providing the weather allows it. I need to go do some shopping at the inmate store. I am running low on basic staples; oatmeal, coffee, peanut butter, etc. I also need to swing by mail and property and see if there is anything there for me. My mom sent me a CD from Amazon.com. It is by a new artist named Elle Varner, http://www.ellevarner.com/ so I have been looking forward to that.

Before I end this entry for today, I need to make something extremely clear to those who choose to read these words. I am not, in any way, an advocate for anything that goes on here. I have witnessed some horrific things happen to people over the years. As I write, I may seem to be somewhat desensitized to it. I am not. Over the years, I have had to learn how to compartmentalize these disturbing events so that I can continue to move forward. It is the only option that I have. Survival is the most important thing, and things… can change in an instant here.