‘The Boston Bomber’

Tuesday, May 19, 2015

The verdict is in: Guilty. And the penalty?  

Death.

 

I must have watched and re-watched this on every news channel over the weekend. People around me would ask how I felt about it and I would say to them that I expected the guilty verdict, but nothing else. What I do not agree with is the penalty of DEATH. When people hear that, they are clearly shocked or confused.

First. Let me say that I am a supporter of the death penalty. I believe there are people who commit heinous acts that need not continue breathing. My issue with the death penalty however, is the process of appeal. Many people live on death row for decades and the appeals cost millions in state tax dollars. I feel that one appeal is certainly warranted but not 3,4 and so on.

In Tsarnaev’s case, I feel he is better suited in some dark, dank cell for the rest of his natural life. He is young, which means he will have a very long time to live in complete isolation. Let me tell you, as someone who was in isolation and a single man cell for years, that it can, and will drive you crazy eventually. 

My biggest concern however, is not for Tsarnaev, but for the victims. The victims will have to relive their experience at every appeal his attorneys file. It is unfair to them. This justice system is meant partially for the victims to have closure and that will not happen if there are 20+ years in appeals. So for those reasons, I hope he does not allow his attorneys to continue in appeals court. It would be idiotic of me to expect him to think of others though and so, for that, I will not be surprised to see this ordeal continue on into the years.

Let’s keep our fingers crossed. No matter what the outcome, we will still remain Boston Strong.

http://www.boston.com/news/local/massachusetts/2015/05/15/how-tsarnaev-was-sentenced-death/Lj8CTLvT6yxTBxEXHvKn2M/story.html

‘Something Wicked This Way Comes’

Wednesday, October 8, 2014

Yes, this is the title of an excellent film from back in the 80’s but it has also become my mantra before my “BFF” Joey comes out to Scottsdale, AZ. God love him for leaving Boston to travel to the cultural wasteland of Arizona for 32 hours of visitation with me. It means a lot but truthfully, I can’t say for sure that even I would do it, if the roles were reversed.

No matter how one looks at the situation, we are long overdue for a visit. We keep each other in check and I think both of us have been pacing the edge of that proverbial cliff for some time. Things have become bottled up and abnormal stress levels have come into our lives. Not surprisingly, we view these concerns in a completely separate, opposite manner. Issues around aging have become a factor for each of us in different ways. We are both doing what we must do to ‘get by’ but, I don’t think either one of us are in authentically happy places right now. I will know more soon enough.

There is an undeniable white elephant to deal with as well and that is that somehow, all of the motivation and determination to find a home in Boston has come to a crawl. It is a conversation that mom, Joey and I will have to have together. The irony is that it works for all of us simply because we are friends. No matter what, I will always be the “child” to my mother. But Joey is the perfect mediator for times like these so I will certainly take advantage of the opportunity.

What I know for sure is that by the time Joey has boarded the plane back to Boston, he will have smacked me around, given me a jab, an upper cut and a bucket of ice water. (Metaphorically speaking…) Trust and believe that I will have had a very similar effect on him. It is our duty to one another in a way. He and I are well aware of how important these visits are. 

Surprisingly, I have the impression that my mom is more excited to see him than even I am. I am glad for that because Joey has a tremendous effect on her. She gets a spark back and seems lighter on her feet in a way. Perhaps it is because he represents change and all the great things that invariably she is striving toward at the moment.

Right now, as I sit here, I know Joey will be here in a couple of days and I can tell you that I sense that something is going to happen during his time here. I foresee a monumental shift, a change in mind or a revelation that will affect the plans that have already been made. I know it. I feel it and truth be told. It doesn’t terrify me. It instead, makes me question the skills I have developed to manage change and adaptation.

‘Money, Real Estate, Friends and Dreams’

Thursday, May 15, 2014

Money

Believe me when I say that its taking the work of a small village to get mom and I completely relocated to Boston. The past couple of weeks have been nonstop discussions about the type of house, the particular neighborhood, price range, LLC’s, IRA’s, trust management and investments. The process has blown me away and I have been learning so many things.

I spent the better part of this past weekend going over real estate listing and financial agreements for my mother. I was informed that my name is going on the title to the house and the reality of that is slowly settling in,. It is her way of making sure that I will be okay. I will never be able to show my appreciation. I really am incredibly blessed.

Real Estate

The demographic charting of Boston proper is taking some getting used to. So far, we have decided on a triple-decker Colonial in the neighborhood of Mission Hill. There is no shortage of Colonial homes in Boston so now it is all about finding the right house.

Friends

Joey, Kevin and Mark have been very involved. They have all actively reached out to their contacts and the proverbial wheels are rolling. As I sit here and think about what everyone is doing, it really warms my heart. Each of them is accomplished in different ways and they have such a vast amount of experience when you connect their professional contacts and combine their knowledge. It gives me a great feeling of security that everything will work out as it should.

Dreams

As I was studying the various maps and property listings, I immediately began to day dream. There is something about the New England architecture, and the streets that I am drawn into. The Google Earth views are beautiful and I began to see myself there. I can’t remember the last time that I envisioned myself in something other than orange. I saw a clear view of myself running down a chilly New England street at dawn with a Doberman pinscher by my side. The entire thing was comforting to me and I became emotional. It was the first time in a very long time that I felt as though I could actually breath. 

I am going to be just fine

‘Feeling Good About Having Nothing’

Monday, May 5, 2014 

At the age of 37, I will be quite literally starting over. The majority of people who I speak to in here are terrified of that but oddly, I am actually looking forward to it. For me, it will be freeing and since nothing is written in stone yet, my future is completely up to me.

Through the years, my belongings have all been donated or have disappeared to various places, Some were even poached by people who wanted a piece of me. What furniture I have left will be discarded before the house is sold. The other night, I did a mental inventory of everything of mine that is currently in the house. The goal was to compile a list of things to tell mom that I would like her to take to Boston for me. After a good 20 minutes or so, I realized that the piece of paper was still blank. It occurred to me that I want nothing.

I never had the bond that develops between home and homeowner and psychologically, I said my goodbyes to that address 12 years ago. Not that it’s a bad thing, but the house, Scottsdale and everything that it represents, does not exactly leave me with a warm and fuzzy feeling inside. Mind you, all of the negatives that took place while living here were brought upon by my own actions, but it is still, how I feel.

Though premature, I have decided that I want mom to pick me up by herself when I am released. I have no desire for a lot of people to share that moment or a spectacle to be made. I want simple, one on one time with mom and the ability to slowly absorb everything. We will almost immediately be boarding a flight headed to Boston. I can see the actual take off as being both emotional and cathartic. It will symbolize the closing of a chapter in my life. It seems like an impossible task at the moment but it will happen. When it does, I will be just fine having nothing at all.

My personal goal is to not be resentful, sad or scared about what my future holds. I just want to be able to continue on in my life being the best person that I can be. Take the immense lessons that I have learned away with me and I believe that, in the end, I will be okay.

‘My Future’

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Come the 1^st of the new year, I will have 5 years remaining on my sentence. That may seem like a great deal of time to many people, but in comparison to the time I have already served, it is going to go by very quickly.

Release is – and always has been, the biggest challenge for people who are incarcerated. It seems that nobody is taught the proper skills for reentering society. For those who have no means, family, education or work skills, the chance for them to re-offend is very high and recidivism is likely. I know that I am in a fantastic position, blessed in fact. 

I have a number of family and friends willing to take me in and help me get back on my feet. I am educated and I do have some work skills. 

The easy things I have already decided upon. My destination will be Boston, Massachusetts. I will be living with my friend Joey initially. We will both have to make some concessions to each other but I think it will actually be the best decision for me. We have spoken about it and it will, no doubt, be an adventure.  Moving in with my mother is a distant option. She will have to be living in Boston and established there prior to my release for me to even consider it. The thought of the both of us starting over in a new city is a huge undertaking. One that I would hate to take on.

But now the toughest decision remains hanging in the balance; what in the world am I going to do for work? I candidly admit that it this decision terrifies me the most. It’s not as ex-offenders have their picks of jobs. I would love to work for myself. I have a passion for fitness and intuitively, I keep coming back to becoming an athlete or a personal trainer. Beginning that at the age of 37 though, is what gives me pause. I think it’s what I am supposed to do though. I feel it. In any case, the clock is ticking and I need to get on the ball.

A part of me loves the idea that I am not sure how my life will turn out, but like so many, I am incredibly anxious about it.