Saturday, August 30, 2014
I have been experiencing a lot of new
things lately.
My new job is very demanding and the
jury is out on whether or not I will actually like it. It does keep me busy
though, and for now, it will suffice.
What is interesting is that I no
longer work inside the prison. I now work for a large warehouse company off of
the prison grounds. I leave every morning and work around ‘civilians’ who are
very well aware that, because of my orange jumpsuit, I am a prisoner. It is a
surreal experience and I am having difficulty embracing it.
Mentally I know that if I was in
regular clothing that there would be no issues at all because I would simply
blend in. Few people would meet me and think silently to themselves: “he looks
like he’s been in prison…” That said, the orange attire I must wear, has become
my own version of the ‘Scarlet Letter’. There is simply no avoiding it. What is
awkward are those moments when I must take an authoritative role with a
civilian coworker. It feels inappropriate.
Subconsciously, I think I have
convinced myself that somehow, civilians are better than me because I am the
one who has been imprisoned. There is no
telling whether or not it is right or wrong to feel this way, but it is how I
feel.
As a whole, I am certain that my
feelings are manifested by a whole slew of things I am going through. It is
highly possible that I am being overly sensitive about it.
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