Relationships; "Bromances occur when 2 inmates really get along."

Saturday, October 6, 2012

Prison relationships are incredibly interesting and I have studied them a great deal. There are two different types of relationships. The 1^st is the “outer” prison relationship. An outer relationship means that we are connected with a person on the outside, in society. In those bonds, we correspond with them through letters, call them regularly by phone, visit with them and have every intention of sharing a life with them upon our release.

These relationships can be good, or bad, but regardless, they take a lot of work. The inmates have very little control within the relationship, so it is up to us to step it up and be there emotionally and mentally. If the outer person completely accepts and understands that there will not be a physical relationship, and can cope with that, things should be okay.

At visit, we can kiss, touch and grab a quick feel, but again, for most people, that can’t make up for the loss of real physical intimacy. For us, well, we have no choice in the matter and so, we have to deal with it. Those on the outside, can move on if they choose to. 70 % of the outer relationships that I have seen in prison, have ended with the person on the outside throwing in the towel. So the odds of everything working out – are not great. Still, I have seen it work.

I have friends here who have girlfriends, boyfriends and wives. There are commonalities within their partners and they are very obvious. Most, if not all of the outer people are naturally dominant within life. They like control and have no issues with making decisions. They do not care about how they are perceived. As you could imagine, they get a certain degree of negative commentary and judgment. They are usually positive people who have hope and a genuine love for the inmate they are involved with.

Now, there is a small percentage of outer people that are just the opposite. They are completely insecure, damaged even and for whatever reason, believe that being involved with an inmate, is the best they can do. It is sad to see this type of outer person actually. In the end, I suppose, people are people though and everyone wants love in their life in some way.

Personally though, I would say that 3% of the inmate population could essentially be in a healthy relationship, get released and live happy, productive lives.

The 2^nd type of relationship is the “inner” prison relationship. This type of bond is very common and on the outside I believe the term would be ‘Bromance’.  Bromances occur when 2 inmates really get along and end up confiding in each other about any and everything.  They spend all of their time together and never tire of one another. These relationships are rewarding because they are rare.  When found, they typically last forever and continue on outside of these walls. They can be dangerous though because one of the two could always be moved to a different yard at anytime. The separation can definitely take its toll, just like in any other relationship.

John and I are a ‘Bromance’ and we are even more rare because we are effectively aligned with different races. It works though and he is my “Bromer” as I call him.