‘An Interview with Myself’

Monday, March 24, 2014

“What, if anything, gives you hope?”

Music. I have a deep emotional connection to music. I grew up around some of the best R&B and for me, it correlates back to my life events. When I listen to particular artists today it brings out hope in me. I’m able to remember. These memories propel me to move forward. I a way, I have learned to utilize my past – both the good and the bad – as stepping stones for my future.

The most powerful artists for me are:

Patty Labelle, Anita Baker, Bobby Caldwell, Sade, Deniece Williams, Peabo Bryson, Luther Vandross, Basia, Gato Barbieri, James Ingram

“When you laugh, what is usually the trigger?”

Myself. I have a tendency to laugh at myself more than anything else. I do my best not to take myself too seriously.

“What do yo fear the most in life?”

Personal Failure

“What, if anything, triggers hate in you?”

Ignorance I can deal with… but stupid people I cannot tolerate. (“Stupid is for forever”. -Todd Chrisley)

“What are your physical stats?”

This question always makes me feel a bit ‘Ok Cupid’, or something, but here they are

6 foot tall, 180 pounds, 48” chest, 32: wait, size 11 shoe

“What are your favorite clothing items?”

Grey fleece sweat pants, Tom Ford navy blue flat front slacks, Tom Ford white fitted button up shirt, Chocolate Todd’s loafers and white cotton boxers

“What are your favorite athletic teams?”

Football       San Francisco 49ers

Soccer         Brazil National

Baseball      Boston Red Sox

Rugby         Haly (yes, I love this sport!)

Hockey        Boston Bruins

“Do you believe in or practice an organized religion?”

Not particularly. I consider myself to be a very spiritual person. As I have matured, I have realized that organized religion left e with many unanswered questions. I am however, quite fond of our current Pope.

“Who would be your choice for guests at a dinner party?”

Since I was not given a specific amount of guests, I just went with it. Bear with me…

Audrey Hepburn

David Bowie

Rock Hudson

Harvey Milk

Geisha Cro-Ciosan

Christiano Ronaldo

Tom Ford

Gloria Steinem

“What would be your favorite choices for breakfast, lunch, dinner and desert?”

Breakfast – Eggs Benedict

Lunch – Grilled shrimp, bacon, tomato sandwich on sourdough

Dinner – Sushi

Dessert – Tiramisu

 

“What are the first things you want to do when you released?”

Other than getting on the first flight out of Arizona that is destined for Boston, Mass, my “to do” list consist of the following:

1. Walking barefoot in the grass
2. Taking an actual bath
3. Perusing the shopping market aisles (weird, but true)
4. Sleeping in a real bed
5. Wearing anything that is NOT orange

“What would be your first getaway destination?”

Snowboarding in New Hampshire or Vermont
 

“If you could choose any place in the world to live, where would it be?”

There is not just one place that I would choose. There are however, places that I would very much like to live if the opportunity presented itself.

Barcelona, Spain

Cologne, Germany

Florianopolis, Brazil

Boston, Massachusetts (done)

New York, NY

'Aging; how it affects my psyche?...my vanity?...my attractions?'

Friday, February 28, 2014

Someone once told me that for gay men, life is over at 30. That aging is more difficult for the gay community than it is for actresses aging in Hollywood.  Though I feel that both these statements are gross exaggerations, they do have a small ring of truth to them.

Personally, I am learning to accept aging in a mature way and at a reasonably good pace. I work hard at staying healthy, in shape and I am happy with the way I look. I enjoy working out and these days, I seem to be doing it more for me rather than for someone else. In the past, I don’t think I would have been able to say that.

My hair began thinning when I was 22. I only recently began to embrace my ‘Jason Stathom’ look in the past year or so. The rough look seems to work for me though. The lines that have begun to develop around my eyes; the quintessential laugh lines… I like them. People have always said that I have ‘old eyes’; intense and even hard – so perhaps I am catching up. As far as my body goes, it is better now than it was ten or even 15 years ago. It’s muscular, flexible, linear in composition. I have a gymnast’s build. I am doing alright for 33. I will be released when I am 37 so I hope to feel the same then as I do now.

As a gay man over 30, I know that for a long time, my attractions were driven by my penis. I was incredibly visual, physical, almost carnal. I could care less if guys could piece together basic sentences. Today though, I am still visual – but in different ways. I have now also incorporated more character and emotional traits into my attraction draws. I can tell the difference between simply being attracted to the fantasy of being with someone versus the authentic person.

Things that get my attention? I love men, masculine men who know their way around a football game, who are comfortable in jeans and baseball hats etc., but are still capable of navigating through this season’s Tom Ford line. I prefer men that go easy on their manscaping. (Grooming is great, but going completely hairless is visually awkward to me… just saying.) I am drawn to men who stay in shape and know how to challenge me mentally.

Typically I look at whether I see myself waking up next to them in the morning; could I trust him, share life and have those wonderful, comfortable silences with him.

Since I lean toward the masculine spectrum, it will always get my attention when a man is powerful enough to tell me “No” and actually get my consideration. I am not exactly sure what that means, but it works more or less.

There you have it; my simple, perhaps impossible list of attractions.

‘My Idols’

Friday, February 21, 2014

“IDOL”; object of adoration; somebody or something greatly admired or loved, often to excess

 

My Mother

My mom is perfectly imperfect in every way. She and I share an unimaginable bond and I’d go as far as to say that it was kismet that I ended up being her son. She is educated, beautiful, classic, independent, opinionated, compassionate, and strong. Classifying her as culturally diverse would be unfair because she is so much more than that. She has remained open minded enough to maneuver seamlessly within differing cultures. Additionally she has been able to respect and appreciate all things, even those that she may not particularly agree with. As a child, I used to study her. Whether it was applying makeup, curling her eyelashes, or working a room full of people,  I would watch her carefully. Her work ethic is incomprehensible and I have been lucky enough to have that example in life. As I age, I have begun to accept and embrace the fact that I am unequivocally my mother’s son… and I wouldn’t want it any other way.

Tom Ford

I love everything that this man stands for. I have paid close attention to his career beginning with his first years with Gucci and I have always supported his efforts in the fashion community. I believe that he is kind, compassionate, honest, handsome, successful and also, a humanitarian. I think he is a solid role model for the man of today, both gay and straight. The drive and the passion that he has for what he does is indisputable. He is always in full representation of his authentic self and I admire that. There is something to be said for a person that can be so successful in life and still maintain a level of humility. Tom Ford is that person and Idolizing him, for me, comes effortlessly.

Robin Roberts

Wow. To say that I admire this woman is an understatement. I have regained sight of my own inner strength simply by watching her endure and conquer her health issues.  She is exquisite, courageous, strong, and positive. One day I will reach out to her, if for no other reason than to say that I love her as a human being, as a woman and as a symbol of strength and equality. We all could learn something from her.

Alex Minski

Since learning about this man, I have been captivated by him. I suppose that after hearing his story, most people would be. The man went from being a marine, to being an amputee, only to subsequently become an alcoholic. He climbed out of his own personal darkness and elevated himself to supermodel status all by the age of 27. Like me, he has had a crash course in life. From a person who knows what the bottom looks like, I can relate to his journey. I love what he stands for, how he allowed himself to adapt, change and grow. I can only hope to be as successful as he has been when my time to re-emerge back into society comes.