‘New Beginnings’

Thursday, July 11, 2014

I have hit an inner prison milestone. I am officially eligible for placement in a minimum security prison unit. This is actually a pretty big deal in the cosmic scene of things. I never would have thought that I would go to a minimum yard because I began this odyssey in a Super Maximum prison known as SMU (Special Management Unit) Inmates that begin there, rarely, if ever, make it to a medium security facility, let alone a minimum.

Prison security levels are somewhat complex – so I will try to break them down for you. Hopefully you will have a better understanding of how inmates are housed in a correctional system.

1.   SUPER MAXIMUM UNIT

Inmates live alone in a 6x10’ cell for a minimum of 2 years upon entering prison. It’s underground so there is no daylight, no recreation, no contact with other human beings and the lights stay on 24/7. Inmates are permitted to have a television, hygiene products and stationary only. Inmates are allowed (1) 5 minute long phone call per week and (1) 2 hour visit behind glass on weekends however the inmate is chained to the phone receiver and the table behind the glass. Meals consist of a sack breakfast/lunch and a hot dinner.

This population consists of: murders, rapists, lifers, death row and inmates deemed as ‘STG’ (Security Threat Group)

I served 2 years and 19 days in SMU

2.   MAXIMUM SECURITY FACILITY

Inmates are in a cell with another inmate of the same race or gang affiliation (when necessary) They are allowed 3 hours of recreation every other day along with a shower. If behavior warrants, the inmate can have a job and receive contact visits on the weekends. Inmates can purchase food at the commissary and receive packages from family and friends monthly.

This population consists of: Inmates who have already served 2 years in Super Maximum, and those who have committed armed robbery, kidnapping, aggravated assault and manslaughter.

I served 3 years, 4 months and 21 days in Maximum Security (The “Walls”)

3.   MEDIUM SECURITY FACILITY

Inmates live in large, open dormitories or Quonset huts. They are assigned a 6’x8’ cubicle space which has a bed, a locker and a desk. Inmates can shower, go outside and use the phone whenever they want between 0500 and 2000 hours, Inmates can shop at the commissary weekly and are allowed better paying jobs with greater responsibility.

This population consists of: Inmates who have already served in Maximum Security or for those who have committed hit & run, burglary, simple assault, weapon or drug violations.

I served 7 years and 2 days at the following Medium Security facilties: Barchey, Santa Rita, East Unit, Stiner, and now, Cheyenne at Yuma

4.   MINIMUM SECURITY FACILITY

Everything is the same as a Medium Security facility with the addition of minimum wage paying jobs off site the prison complex, more freedom of movement and less prison politics

This population consists of: light drug charges (marijuana, prescriptions and paraphernalia), forgery, DUI, & resisting arrest.

The demeanor of Minimum Security is said to be unlike anything else I have experienced and it is something I will have to adapt to.

The other night I was speaking with Joey and sensing my nervousness over this change, he turned the situation around for me. He was able to get me to view this Minimum Security yard as a good thing. It is simply another step toward letting go of so many of the traits that I have adopted in here that I will absolutely not need outside of prison. As I have said before, “change” is a good thing and I will embrace it because I have earned this privilege. I doesn’t mean that I have any less anxiety about it.

Minimum….Here I come….

‘Questions Answered’

Wednesday, July 2, 2014

Q. What is my favorite snack outside of prison and my favorite snack inside of prison?

A. Consider me a food snob in a way, but my go-to favorite snack outside of prison has always been a good French baguette with sliced cheeses. My preferred cheeses are Gruyere, Maytag blue cheese, smoked cheddar, Gorgonzola, Roquefort, and Camembert. Inside prison, I simply eat raw tuna out of the pack with cashews.

Q. What does my job actually entail and how much do you make?

A. I am the head of the Human Resources division. (WIPP) I have an incredible amount of responsibility and am the only one capable and trusted to do what I do. The job is uncommon and so, I think it has caused me to become one of the most high profile inmates in prison. My responsibilities are as follows:

• Payroll
• Shift Scheduling
• Interviews and summary reports
• Closing out payroll in the database
• Balancing budgets and keeping fiscal payroll under budget
• I work five 10 hour shifts Monday through Friday and make $.45 cents an hour

Q. How often do I get visits, Where do my visits come from and how are they arranged?

A. Normally I get visits from my family every other weekend depending on their schedules. I have friends in Colorado Springs, San Diego, Los Angeles, San Francisco and of course, Boston who also visit when their time and money will allow.

The visits are on both Saturday and Sunday from 8:00 AM – 4:00 PM and last the entire day. Overall, the environment is relaxed once you get past the barbed wire fences and steel sliding doors. There is food and drink available in vending machines and an outside area where people can walk around and smoke. I am able to hug, kiss and have physical contact with my visitors so there is no barrier of glass or anything like that.

Q. Throughout my incarceration, what is the most shocking thing I have witnessed or has happened to me?

A. There are a few things that were severe in nature that I do not speak of often, actually ever for that matter. I have never felt as though people needed to hear about these things, but I will share them for you now.

 - During my first 6 months of incarceration, 2 men attempted to rape me. They were unsuccessful and that event caused me to become a fighter. I fought hard enough that my reputation began to develop quickly.

 - Hearing a harmless elderly man being beaten to death in the cell next to me, simply because the cellmate that he was with, did not want him as a cellmate.

 - Watching a Muslim man stabbed over 100 times in the chest, head and torso simply because he was sleeping with another man in prison. He was dragged down the hall, laid in his bed, covered with a blanket and died.

 - Coming to the realization that I was no longer affected by acts of violence, I am numb and unaffected by it now.

Q. Is there anyone special out of your pen pals that you could see something serious with?

A. This is a two part question really. I could see myself with a few of the men that I have corresponded with and even someone whom I communicate with presently. The question should be: ‘Do I want something serious with anyone that I am corresponding with as a pen pal?’ The answer to that, would be ‘No’. I have no desire to become involved with anyone that I cannot physically meet and truly get to know, face-to-face in real life situations. In turn, there would be a great many questions that I would need answered as to why they, as a free person, would entertain a serious relationship with me being in prison. Thus far, that question has only been answered authentically by one man. (He shall remain anonymous)

Q. Do I have any favorite TV shows?

A. Yes. I love ‘Fargo’ on Fox. It was an unbelievable finish! ‘Tyrant’, also on Fox, is my new favorite and of course, I can’t wait for ‘The Good Wife’ to come back.

Q. What do I want my first vacation to be after I am released?

A. A snowboarding trip to Vermont or New Hampshire

Q. Is sex between inmates as rampant as it is rumored to be? (If so, why?)

A. I don’t know if I can accurately answer this question without a clear definition of sex. (Apparently it differs from person to person…) I will say that there is a lot of mutual masturbation, touching, wrestling, body contact, ball grabbing, bare ass smacking etc.. It is definitely more than a regular person would ever expect.

Personally, I think the answer is simple. Physical contact between people is fundamentally important. Men in prison are starving for it and with that, a good “bromance” can easily escalate to something more.

Q. Who is responsible for my blog?

A. My blog master is Joey. Calling him my "best friend" is an injustice however. We have both accepted that there really is no title or term for the bond that we have. Our relationship is uncompromising because we keep one another on track and continuously challenge one another to be better. Somehow, he finds the time to take care of this blog on my behalf.

Q. You were raised with both Judaism and Catholicism faiths. If you were to have a child, would you choose one religion over the other to raise and instill your child with? What would be your reasoning and what would your children’s names be?

A. Wow! I have never been asked this question or given it much serious thought at all really. I believe I have mentioned that becoming a parent has never been a priority for me. I do however, believe I would make a good parent. As far as religion goes, I would probably choose Judaism. Growing up, I personally felt more at home in a Temple, more accepted and less judged by people within that faith.

Names? I would say Oliver for a boy, Addison for a girl.

'A Not So Typical Mother-Son Relationship'

Monday, January 13, 2014
 
This past Saturday, I was on the phone with my mom talking about my biological father. This is a chapter of our lives from 30 years ago and I think both of us realized the ride we have been on since then.
In the beginning, I idolized her. She was beautiful, popular, stylish, strong and rebellious in her own right. I was clearly her little man. She raised me as an adult and as a best friend. When I look back, I think it worked for us. At the same time though, I was still able to take heed when she was putting on the proverbial “mother” hat.

As she developed a relationship with the man I was to call my father, I still came first in everything. When he died, it served to reaffirm the bond that she and I had.

When it came to acceptance, she was the best. She supported my modeling, my homosexuality and whatever else I chose to do. We socialized together regularly in comingled social circles as well as individually and it worked.

Coming to prison changed the dynamic in ways that made the both of us admit that some things became pretty difficult. It was no longer a team effort. I needed her, but could no longer be there for her. At the time, I was too stunned at my circumstances to truly realize what my incarceration had done. Over the years though, it has become clear that she stopped living her life, almost as if she had come to prison with me. She immersed herself in her work and has remained there since. Sometimes the pressure, and yes, the guilt of that is too much for me to bear. On a rare occasion, I can motivate her to go out and do something. When she does, she shops for clothes and shoes but unfortunately goes nowhere to wear them.

She has refused to leave Arizona until I am released and that – is final.

Understand that the realization of this only began to sink in about 4 years ago. It was at that time that I began to see a change in roles. It was as if my maturity had skyrocketed and I evolved metaphysically into a parental position. The irony in this is that I have had to readjust my behavior, my expectations etc..

I try to think how our lives would be if I hadn’t come to prison because I know this incarceration has had such an impact on our relationship.

I see her now at visit and she is still beautiful, strong, popular stylish and rebellious. Behind the designer shades though, her eyes are sad and tired. That is from my doing, I am no longer her little man. I am her incarcerated son; her child. It took 33 years to form that aspect of our relationship.

Visitation

I spent this past Saturday visiting with my mom and her boyfriend. The day was pretty good. We spent the day catching  up on everything on the home front and talking about the New Year that is upon us. When we hugged at the end of our 8 hour day together, I couldn’t help but to look around. I saw the same group of inmates and the oh so dedicated families, spouses and what not. Realistically, I would say there is only 1% of us that have that support in our lives. The fact of the matter is that most are completely alone here. Even though I don’t care for the majority of the inmate population, I can’t help but to wonder if they would change, be better in some way, if they just had somebody there to support them.  

In the 11 years I have been in prison, I have had somewhere around 500 visits. I sometimes take them for granted and there are times when I am not even up to it. When I look around, I feel differently though. I mean, when I get out of here, I know I will not be taking anything for granted anymore. So why wouldn’t I be doing that in here as well? I don’t know… it was a reality check for me.

The time and money spent to visit with me for 8 hours is crazy when I think about it. In all, it’s around $100. To fill up the gas tank, and they bring $50. in quarters so we can eat & drink from the vending machines all day. It’s a 3 hour drive to the prison which means they are up at 4:00 AM to be here by 8:00 AM. They leave at 4:00 PM only to spend another $100.00 to fill the tank for the 3 hour drive back to civilization. It is a 16 hour day by the time it’s all over. It’s an awful lot to take for granted.