Taking a Day; "We are still on lockdown status due to the racial tension."

Thursday, November 15, 2012

My boss was supposed to pick up John and I at 07:00. It is now 10:00 AM and no boss.

Either he was tasked to do other things, or administration will not allow him to pull us out of our building because we are still on lockdown status due to the racial tension. The only problem with all of this is that we have a lot of work to do and only one more day to do it. After tomorrow, we are officially back on vacation again for 12 days, so everything will be delayed yet again. If for some reason we do not go to work today, then I suppose I will write letters to my friends James and Marquise.

Finding a Partner...Does it matter?

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

It is late, around midnight and I guess I have not gone to sleep yet for two reasons.

The first reason is that I received quite an intriguing letter from Joe. He posed a question to me at the end of it that has got me to do some thinking, as he always does. Since then, I have been unable to shut my mind off.

I have explained to you that Joe is my blog master. He is an outstanding friend and since he does know me so well, he also has a very keen way of picking me apart. Thankfully, I am also capable of doing the same thing to him. In any case, he is able to read and comprehend the blog entries in a different fashion than I do. For me of course, I am simply writing my experiences, my thoughts and such, on paper. In this recent letter from him that I received, he incorporated the following paragraph;

“On a side note, there is a very apparent, reoccurring message that expresses your unbridled desire to be in love. It may be very unintentional David, but the last thing you want to do in your blog is plant, what could easily be misconstrued as, an ulterior motive. Lighten up on that a bit, or at least find a way to plant that message in a more subtle, sophisticated manner. You do not want your readers to begin thinking that your real goal with the blog is to find a partner… (or do you?)”

So this message really struck a chord with me. It was not that Joe said what he had said, but rather the fact that is is possible that I have come across as the person whom he described. Now, Joe being one person who really knows me, has a one up on most of you because he is actively aware that I am a relationship oriented guy. But I still must take heed to his neutral observation. There is a strong case here that he may be right, but I assure you, it is completely unintentional.  I tend to write with my thinking voice and when left alone with my thoughts… well you have read the results. All I can say is that I have never really looked at this blog as a way of meeting someone in a romantic way. That doesn’t mean however, that I will not actively hide my desire to have someone special in my life.

The second reason that I am still awake is because there are a couple of new faces living in my run now. I have a problem going to sleep before new people. I feel unsettled because I do not know who they are or what they are about. I like to be aware of my surroundings and it takes awhile to adjust when there are new people around me. It’s an environmental hazard and one that I surely will have to break at some point.

Racial Tension and Self Reflection; "an all out battle broke out between the two races."

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Something wicked is brewing within our population. Last night, I had to go outside to talk with a few of the brothas about their dealings with a particular Mexican who has a penchant for compulsive lying and drug use. When I was done, I was walking across the yard and noticed the head Mexican national (Paisa) speaking to the head Mexican American in a raised voice. I could not make out all that was said, but as I called the house and said hello to Kevin, an all out battle broke out between the two races. About 60 people were involved and I had just enough time to tell Kevin what was going on, before I had to hang up the phone and get on the ground.

As I laid there in my good sweats and shoes, I looked around and surveyed the mess. Imagine a bunch of angry chimpanzees going at it and that would be the closest you can imagine to the scene. All of the brothas and the whites stayed away and were virtually unaffected by it. I tried to get comfortable because I knew I would likely be there on the ground for hours while the officers got everything under control.

New inmates who were around me were in shock and a bit terrified. It sadly, served up a reminder to me of my own institutionalization both mentally and emotionally, as I was completely fine. In fact, I was more upset that I was missing a new episode of Happy Endings.

About two hours later, officers finally got around to processing me. Basically they check our hands, knuckles, face and body to ensure that we were not involved. Then we submit to a full body scan in a chair and then released back to our respective dorms. The process works because they did get all the men involved, but it is incredibly time consuming.

As I entered my run, of course John was hysterical because he was unable to get to me, or know if I was okay. Mentally I understood his concern and appreciated it but, again, I have been there, done that. John, on the other hand, has been lucky and has never been involved in a riot or an extremely hostile situation yet.

I showered, washed my now dirty clothes, caught the end of the 10:00 o’clock news and then went to bed.

The yard is officially locked down because of the inter-racial tension but I was able to go to work. I have no idea if the issue between the two races is over. I have a feeling that it was initially a one on one disagreement that got way out of hand. Time will tell, but the administration is taking every precaution – which is completely understandable.

 

A Weekend of Calls; "these calls were about facing the facts."

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

My weekend was spent talking to friends and family on the phone and of course, watching football. My 49ers ended up tying with the Rams which was crazy, but at least we remain number 1 in our division.

 The phone calls were interesting…

Cliff
I called Cliff because there had been a decided shift in our correspondence. It had became more intimate and heartfelt in nature. He had made a couple of references to the suggestion of “if we were together” and well, I took note of that. When I called, I realized almost immediately that he sounded distant and withdrawn. Not long after that, he began to use phrases such as ‘we will either stay in or go to the gym’. He was of course, referring to his partner and himself. Reality smacked me in the face and I thought to myself; ‘What the hell am I thinking?’ In sensing his discomfort, I decided to end the call. I wrote to him and am awaiting his response.

Mom

As always, she needed advice from me regarding a new car purchase and somehow it segued into the possibility of her moving to South Beach, Miami Florida instead of Boston. Mind you, I had just finished writing a letter to Joe about the possibility of him moving to Florida as a retirement thought. I couldn’t help but to think that the timing was incredibly odd. Still, it began the wheels roiling in my head. I know deep down mom wants to be close to me, but I am going to be released to live at Joe’s house. If he is in Boston, I will be in Boston and if he is in Florida, I will be in Florida. As a starting point, it is the best situation for me. Eventually though, I will be living in Boston, one way or the other. That is where I want my permanent residence and my life to be. Surprisingly, mom sounded as if she already expected that.

Joe

Without provocation, he reassured me that coming to live with him was 100% fine. He has come around to the idea of it and I am so relieved. I know that there will be challenges between us, but what I need is to start making my own way. Joe is my friend and does not symbolize a parental figure. I do not have to hide anything from him and will not feel pressure to do things that I am not really on board with.

The key to all three of these phone calls is that they do correlate to one another. All of these calls were about facing the facts, acknowledging reality and moving forward,

Anyway, I am back to work, but only until Friday and then I am off for another 12 days for Thanksgiving. As I mentioned before; I have a lot of vacation time this month…

I am very tired of being here; "I can’t even begin to make sense of it all."

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

It is 3:00 AM and I cannot sleep. This is not unusual for me because overall, I sleep less and less these days. I can’t put my finger on why that is exactly but I have accepted it. Lately I have been looking at my surroundings with the eye of a caged animal. The brick and mortar is mundane, with the color near that of a psych ward. I miss grass, and trees, and most of all, water. All I have to look at is sand, gravel and fencing. The miles and miles of barbed wire doesn’t help much either. Sometimes I will stare outside my window at the highway and watch the cars speeding by. I wonder if the people in those cars ever give a single thought to the men living here. I know I didn’t. ironic, but I remember once driving past this place on my way to San Diego to visit a guy I was seeing. I remember seeing a glimpse of orange and now, I have become that glimpse to someone else.

There is no doubt that I am very tired of being here. The hard part is knowing why I am here and then accepting it, while all the while knowing that I shouldn’t be here. I can’t even begin to make sense of it all.

What I do know is that another day is here whether I like it or not. I have to work today. I have to go shopping at the store because I need food. I have to work out. I have to do these things in order to keep moving forward. Deep down inside though, I don’t want to do anything. I want to crawl back into bed, close my eyes and go far, far away.

Unfortunately, the only person I know that has actually worked for was Dorothy.
 

Roomates from Hell; "Sometimes it’s intensely disturbing."

Friday, November 9, 2012

My “Run” is falling apart. I am at a loss here and can only hope some moves are done or that my ‘roommates’ make some serious fuckups and have to leave in some other way. As you enter my run, and begin looking down the length of the room, it is a bit daunting, but when you realize that most of them are nobodies, well then it becomes less and less intimidating.

Here are my roommates from hell:

·       Jimmy; White – gelatinous body, long scraggly hair and yellow teeth that remind me of Pennywise from the movie “IT”. He smokes spice all day and night and apparently has an allergy to bathing.

·       Hector; Paisa – The head if the Mexican Nationals, 2^nd in command. He is clean and respectful, but a total puppet.

·       Derek; Black – A silver back of a black man. Reformed drug dealer and OG. He is quiet and an all around good guy.

·       BB; Mexican American – The tallest Mexican I have ever met at 6’4”. He is very nice; a big teddy bear and never causes any problems

·       Julio; Mexican American – 18 years old and my pseudo-adopted prison kid. He is a total mamma’s boy, clean, works out and listens.

·       Junior; Mexican American – An older crack head and obviously a vagrant outside of here. His jaw never stops moving…

·       Bones; Black – older and very disturbing. He has photos of his own daughter, who is a stripper, that he has put up on display. In the photos, his daughter is wearing thongs, and very little else. He doesn’t speak much, not that anyone really wants to speak with him.

·       Carlos; Cuban – Incredibly loud and crazy. He always has something to say

·       Bed 7 lower – Junior; Mexican American – Cool, calm and collected but he has a serious heroin addiction. Because of that, he has nothing to show for anything.

·       Derek; White – Spice and bath salts addict; usually running around like a crazy person

·       Thomas; White – In his 50’s, he is my unofficial housekeeper and I give him whatever it is that he needs to be ‘ok’, ie; coffee and tobacco

·       Diesel; Black – Crack head and loves to snort up psychotropic drugs like Buspar and Rispantol. He is incapable of holding a conversation.

·       Owen; Black - An amazingly good looking man, also gay but 100% in the closet but he has confided in me. I feel sorry for him because everything he does is in order to portray a level of “heteronis”

·       Tito; Mexican American – Heroin addict and lives with his head in the toilet vomiting profusely

·       Mario; Mexican American – Same as Guido, heroin addict

·       Dominic;  All I know is that he is a Paisa

·       Jorge’; Paisa – Terrified of everything and tends to sit on his bed and watch everything and everyone.

·       Brian; White – Homeless, no teeth and looks like a piece of leather. We have not spoken much

·       Vincent; White – Early 20’s with no support. He does my laundry every week and I in turn make sure he has what he needs

·       Lorenzo – Boxer; Mexican American – 26; fine as hell and from California. The man has serious hands.

·       Chico; Mexican American – Drug addict to the 10^th power. He has no prejudice when it comes to getting fucked up.

·       Will; White – Looks like an Asian chipmunk. He is very quiet and stays up his perch for the most part.

·       Freddy; White – 26 his hobbies include sniffing rubber cement and inhaling whippets which are C02 canisters. His brain is really toast.

·       Jesus; Mexican American – a good friend of mine who makes so many bad decisions but I will always support him. He wants to be “somebody: so badly and I always ask him “what does it mean to be ‘somebody’ in prison?”

·       Blanko – Certified 51/50, which means that he is completely crazy. I do not know his name or anything besides the fact that he paces the run constantly.

·       Angelo; Paisa – A truly talented artist. He can create masterpieces on paper and on skin. His tattoo business is thriving.

·       Roman; Mexican American – So small that a gust of wind would blow him over. He keeps to himself and is waiting to be moved to a different yard.

·       Anthony; Paisa – My good friend who is also in a key position. He is intelligent, good natured and a peace keeper

·       Jose; Mexican American – Heroin addict who is on very thin ice. I think he is nearing the $2K mark in debt and this weekend will be the end all, be all. I suspect he will roll up out of here soon.

·       John; White – An incredible soul, a great trusted friend and another tragic statistic of incredibly bad circumstances

·       And me, of course

So that is the immediate population that I am around day to day. Quite the group eh? Sometimes it’s comical and sometimes it’s intensely disturbing. For now though, they are my roommates and I have to deal with them.

Interuption; "Some idiots broke into the library."

Friday, November 9, 2012

It was brought to my attention that some idiots broke into the library and tore it up. I have no idea how true it is, but if there is any basis to it, then we will surely be locked down and torn up ourselves. As always, the entire population will suffer because of a few retarded-ass inmates. I suppose I should go look into the matter and prepare for the worst.