End of the year maintenance; "I definitely need to do some man-scaping."

Thursday, December 27, 2012

Since there is no work today, I will try to get caught up on some mail and then workout as normal. I definitely need to do some man-scaping as well.

I spoke with mom on the phone this morning and she sounded great. I will see her on Sunday and Monday for a special New Year’s Eve visit. She is just happy that she is off for a few days. I can completely understand because she is averaging 90-100 hours a pay period!

Oh what a night!; "I felt rough, callused hands moving alongside of my lower torso."

Thursday, December 27, 2012

I slept amazingly well last night until around 2:00 AM. I was sleeping in my normal #4 position; on my stomach with one leg out and the other bent with my foot connecting to my knee. My pillow has made its way alongside me and so I was lying quite flat on my bed.

I am not sure how I realized it, but at some point, I felt a weight on top of me. I do not remember being shocked or surprised by it. Instead, I simply shifted my body ever so slightly so that I was more comfortable.  Shortly thereafter, I felt rough, callused hands moving alongside of my lower torso, fingers playing along the inside of boxer waistband. I felt my boxers being pulled up instead of down. A pair of thick thumbs began playing inside of my ass, tracing over my hole spreading my cheeks ever so gently. I remember telling whoever it was, that I am not a bottom as I exhaled and moaned quietly.

Before I could catch my breath, I felt an immediate pressure. The man was pushing a huge, blood filled penis into me and I was paralyzed by it. I felt every inch enter me and it felt horrible, but amazing all at the same time. It seemed to go on forever before his balls nestled against my own. Never before had I imagined that I would feel this way having someone inside of me. Instinctively, I reached around and took a handful of a beautifully round ass. Intrigued, I tried to look behind me to see who this man was. As my head tilted to the side, he pulled out in a long, fluid motion and the shock of that withdrawl, brought me back to consciousness.

As I looked around, all was dark and I was still covered up by my blanket.  I had been dreaming and everything was as it was when I went to sleep except for that large wet spot on my sheets. Fuck!

As I got up to wash my dreams away, I tried to remember the last time I had experienced a wet dream. It has been many, many years so I figured it was alright. Strangely enough, I wish I would’ve been able to see who I had been dreaming about. Hmmmmm

Subtle life changes are sometimes great motivators

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

A memo is going up today informing the inmate population that the yard will now be open from 5:00 AM to 4:00 PM only. In essence they will no longer be having the yard open at night. As soon as word gets out, there is going to be a huge uproar from all the inmates that work. We who actually have regular working hours will never have recreation or yard time. Most of us are at work around 6:00 AM and not usually back to the yard until 3:30 0r 4:00 PM.

For me, I will have to completely change my schedule. It sucks because there is a lot I can get done outside in the evenings. I am used to having wrenches thrown into my plans, but most inmates rely on consistency. That in mind, I know there will be a lot of headaches to come soon.

A part of me wonders if this is a sign? I have been mulling over writing a book for some time now and maybe this is the time. There are a few obstacles within this plan though. Ideally, I would prefer to give up my job and dedicate myself to writing the book. But I am also on the fence when it comes to subject matter of the book.

Some ideas that have been presented to me are as follows:

1.       How to prison guide

2.       A gay man’s prison manual

3.       Essays on the pen pals that I have met throughout

4.       Basic memoir

For whatever reason, #3 is getting the most support from the friends and family that I have run these ideas by. If anyone would like to add their 2 cents, then please feel free. I would genuinely love to hear people’s thoughts on the matter.

Time stops for no one; "Looking ahead is really all I can do now.."

Monday, December 24, 2012

Things have been okay for the past couple of days. It very well could be the calm before the storm, but perhaps not. I am hoping that not too many attempt making ‘hooch’ (prison alcohol) for New Year’s Eve. That whole thing typically turns out badly. All I can do is wait and see. As you can imagine, an environment filled with drunken, testosterone storming inmates, especially those who have brains the size of a fruit fly… is not a good thing. Most of us end up running for cover.

It’s hard for me to believe that 2013 is almost here. It’s bittersweet to know that I have chipped away so many years of this sentence. Looking back is not easy because it’s insane when I consider all that I have been through. Looking ahead is really all I can do now. I have basically five years left on my sentence but I can still vividly remember day 1 of it. I doubt I will ever forget it. I know that I should feel lucky for having made it this far, but I do not. I truly feel that it has nothing to do with luck. It has everything to do with how successful one can be at adapting and playing the ‘game’.

Then I will look over the wall and see John. I try to imagine being in his shoes. How would I feel having a release date of 2038?

I wonder how I would handle that?

Connecting the dots; "I get random comments about the blog from random people."

Monday, December 24, 2012

I am not entirely sure why I have been procrastinating on this… Many people, including the department of corrections, have already connected the pieces of this blog puzzle. I know this because I get random comments about the blog from random people. Initially, I was trying to be somewhat anonymous because people I love, feared that there would be some serious retaliation from the prison toward me for blogging. As I have said before however, it is not my mission to slander the Department of Corrections. They have a job to do. End of story.

I have received mail from readers who have connected me to my profile on writeaprisoner.com. I realized that they can discover, clear as day, all of my information there. Really, there is no use in hiding it, so to any readers who would like to correspond with me directly, my information is as follows:

David R Mckinney
#169947
ASPC Lewis/Stiner 2B19
PO Box 3100
Buckeye, Arizona 85326

For anyone who does decide to write, please know that all I am allowed to receive in the mail are letters and photos. Okay? I welcome any and all correspondence!

A thought provoking visit with mom; "It was a reality check for both of us."

Monday, December 24, 2012, Christmas Eve morning

My visit with mom yesterday was good. We actually talked about the blog a lot and she began to ask if I would consider writing a book. I informed her that if I quit my job, then I could dedicate myself to that, but that I had no idea who would want to read a book about this stuff. But then again, I do realize that there is a genuine interest of what really goes on in here, so maybe I should think more seriously about it. (If any of you have any thoughts or comments on this prospect, please feel free to share them…)

As usual, mom asked me if I still loved Marc, my ex. I told her that I do not love him anymore but that I will always care for him. He was, and is, the only man that I have ever truly been ‘in love’ with, so he will always play a role within my thoughts.  There is no escaping that simple fact. If I could take back things from that time; things I did, things I didn’t do, then I would. Mom however, has always loved Marc and until I meet someone else in the future, she will continue to always revert back to him. I have grown to accept it for what it is.

As I was sitting across from her though, I came to a very real and visceral awareness. I suddenly became very aware that my mom is no longer that alive, energetic and vivacious 51 year old woman that I left behind when I came to prison. It is quite possible that because I see her so often, I simply have not noticed or taken the time to really see her. Yesterday however, I truly saw her. I’ll candidly admit, it scared me a little. The years have changed us both and as much as we both would like to stop time, we cannot.  In any case, it was a reality check for both of us. That realization was a tough pill to swallow. When I came back to my dorm, I headed to the bathroom to once again look in the mirror. The reflection was that of a 32 year old man. I gave him a nod and went back to my cubicle.

That's what friends are for; "I held his hand because in truth, he is a big BABY."

Friday, December 21, 2012

So, I am at work and have to take some papers over to the administration building. John decides that he going to come with me. As we walk out to the back of the building though, he tries to pull the gate rather than push it and it railed him in the head. Now as hilarious as it was to watch, it also looked pretty brutal. He attempted to tough it out and walk it off, but soon I saw the trail of blood. I told him to tilt his head up and quicken his pace. We were only 30 feet from our destination.

As we entered administration, we encountered the investigative sergeant, a couple of investigative officers and the disciplinary sergeant. They all looked at me, and then at John and then back at me. Thankfully they all know me well and instead of immediately locking down the yard and handcuffing us (standard protocol), they laughed and asked John what he did to piss me off.

The movement officer called medical and advised them that we would be walking over so John could be seen.

John got 3 stitches and a tetanus shot. I held his hand because in truth, he is a big BABY. I was actually pretty funny. As we left medical and walked back to the office, I told John that he had better prepare for a lot of jokes. I love it when I’m right. All day long he has been getting razzed by everyone.

Besides the incident with John, it’s been an okay day. When we came back to the dorm, I worked out and took a shower. I cleaned and changed John’s bandage and made us some chicken and rice for dinner. I was spent and needed to sleep.