’13 Things you must give up to be Happy – and how I feel about them’

Recently, I was watching a television program that raised the topic of happiness. The following 13 suggestions of things to abandon were mentioned. It got me to think about how those suggestions related to me personally. 

1.   Give up bad spending habits

This is not an issue for me. I have adopted a really good amount of self discipline in spending and deciphering what it is that I need vs. what I want. (But I also love a good deal when it can be found…)

2.   Give up waiting for the perfect moment. Do it now

Given my current situation, this is really not something I can put in motion…at least not in the areas of my life that I would like to see affected.

3.   Give up your Social Media obsession

I don’t even know what that would entail for me since I do not have any access to social media.

4.   Give up living in the past. Those times may have shaped you into what you are today, but they don’t have the power to control your future.

This is something I struggle with. I am conscious of it, but it is so easy to revert back to the past. I know that I have grown and changed in more ways than I can count, so I need to focus on the future and being the man that I have become.

5.   Give up your yearning to fit in

Not an issue for me since I have never exactly ‘fit in’. I have come to embrace this train in myself. For me, fitting in is boring and lacks personal identification.

6.   Give up your disorganized lifestyle

I am obsessive in my life and meticulous in all that I do so disorganization is not an option for me. Personally I find disorganization unacceptable because I cannot function in life if things are in disarray.

7.   Give up your overanalyzing of situations

I fall short on this habit. I analyze a lot and can easily find myself overanalyzing situations. Ironic; I am even overanalyzing my analysis of this habit. Not a good sign.

8.   Give up your need to have the “best” things. Don’t forget about the wonderful things you already have.

This is easy for me because I remind myself of the things that I do have in this situation. All of the material stuff has become less and less important to me. I still enjoy some of the best things… I just place less emphasis on them now that I did before.

9.   Give up toxic relationships

At the moment, I don’t have any.

10.       Give up your hesitation to indulge.

Indulging for me is putting my feet up and reading a good book. I do it every chance that I can get.

11.        Give up comparing yourself to others. Embrace who you are because there isn’t anyone better than you can be.

Not until coming to prison did I open my eyes and begin to move forward in becoming the best David, the best man that I know how to be. It’s something I wish everyone could do.

12.        Give up your packed schedule. Choose a day a week to dedicate to yourself.

Easier said than done and I think most people would agree – but duly noted.

13.       Give up relying on others to make you feel happy & fulfilled. You are in charge of your own wellness. Know what you want out of life.

I know intrinsically that this is true. I have had my own issues with happiness and think that I have yet to discover what it feels like authentically. One thing is certain; I do not rely on others to make me feel happy or fulfilled. I know that only I can do that.

‘Personal Viewpoints’

Sunday, January 25, 2015

Over the years, I have been secretly trying to find the best possible “me” that I could find. For some of us, we need to work on that more diligently than others because somehow, we’ve lost our way. When that happens, I myself always have to start back at square one. Once I started becoming truly honest with myself, it was rather easy. I took a deep breath and accepted that I know who I am, how I feel and think etc... I needed to be true to these things in order to be genuine with “David”.

Evolution happens whether we like it or not. It’s one of those things that will forever be out of our control to a certain extent. In my own humble way, I have learned to accept and embrace change. I know that things will invariably change and so, in order to remain positive about it, and not fear it, I have instead, chosen to look forward to it. That said, I have evolved in my own individual way and that’s alright. No matter what changes occur, I have already acknowledged a baseline of my own personal viewpoints in life. Everything branches off of these ideas as they are fundamental to who I am.

Here are some of my own personal viewpoints. You can agree or disagree, but either way – you will ultimately learn a great deal about me through these convictions:

Life is – about the destination

Competition is – winning

Vanity is – Looking your best is very important

Relationships are – Essential. Partnering with someone is the core foundation of one’s happiness. The security of knowing someone is there – is key

Physical Fitness is – Vital. Working out/exercise enhances your overall appearance and makes you feel better mentally, emotionally and physically

Wealth is – Defined by what you own and achieve

Cleaning is – Critical. An orderly environment enables you to think more clearly, feel organized and in control

Status is – Tangible. You are always being judged by others on your socioeconomic position in society

Happiness is – Being in control of your life and destiny and being able to change things when needed.

My vision, my core values and life experience can in some way be pinged off of – or to – one of these statements. I make no apologies for my viewpoints because it is what I believe. There is no way of telling whether these ideas were spurned by environmental influence or not but I believe that most people are molded to think one way or another from a very young age. It is possible that I was influenced throughout my childhood and it has become what I believe as an adult. This is me – after my individuality and life experience was blended up with my moral compass.

Outlook on life can, and will change. This I know. There is no way to compare a life behind bars to that of someone for example, with terminal cancer. The viewpoints would be completely divergent in every way. The core values of simply wanting to live however, may still be the same. 

It’s all very thought provoking and well, uncanny.

‘New for 2015’

Saturday, January 10, 2015

At the moment, things in my life are okay. For the new year, I began a new job working as the clerk in the mail and property office. The position so far has been wonderful because I feel as though I am accomplishing something everyday. The hours are 6-2, Monday – Thursday and 12-8 PM on Friday. Personally I love this schedule as it affords me the opportunity to work out/train daily and still have time to write, read and take care of other miscellaneous tasks. Since taking this new job, I have noticed a decided uptick in my mood and so, I am embracing this change.

On New Year’s Day, I took my 1,000 page police report that I have been toting around for all these years and finally threw it away. I believe it was one of the most freeing experiences I have ever had while being incarcerated and it felt as if a weight was being lifted. It’s not as if I am trying to forget why I am here… That is consciously impossible. I just didn’t need it anymore and I could no longer come up with a solid reason to hold onto it. Mentally, it was as if I was telling myself that the chapter is closed, that everything from here on out – is about the future and not – the past.

Mom has officially embraced the notion of being completely relocated to Boston within the next 346 days. She has assigned this particular timeline to adhere to and I think her energy is good. She deserves the opportunity to be as happy as possible and truthfully, she cannot achieve that here in Arizona. Her house is going up for sale and she is on a new mission.

Over and above all of that, I am really doing my best to stay focused on the present and the future. My natural instinct has always been to look back at what once was. I mean, the present was the equivalent to a personal Purgatory and the future seemed unreachable. It was all psychological but I couldn’t fight it successfully. Now, in 2015, I can finally start to see the light at the end of the tunnel. You may be wondering what it is about 2015 exactly. I can’t really say for sure. The fact that I have 3 only years remaining I guess, is so mind boggling to me. It’s almost over.

Lastly, I really have been committing myself to my Judaic studies. I won’t say that I am becoming religious, because I am definitely not. I am however embracing the concept of my faith and for once, feeling like I have a clear and concise understanding about it. There is no doubt in my mind that it has helped me to organize my thoughts and put everything into perspective. 

Funny, the things that can motivate and trigger change within us….

‘Embracing Unpleasant Facts’

Sunday, September 28, 2014

I fully realize that my entries since relocating to Florence Arizona have been sparse. That will be changing and I promise to my followers to get back on track. The transition has been challenging mentally and I have settled in as best as I can. For some time, I have been allowing myself to be affected by all of the things that I do not like about life at the moment. Along with that, came all of the things I am not liking about myself, and of course, the people I am closest to. It is a very slippery slope once you get on and I had to put a stop to it.

I have never been a particularly negative person. Truth be told, I am medicated for it in a way. What I mean by that is that I am diagnosed with OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) and ironically, the medication that works best for that – is Zoloft, which is also used to treat depression. All that said, you would think that I’d be so damned happy that I’d be using Pharrell’s song as an anthem of my own.

But I am not.

Like I said, things have been difficult and well, I have been difficult as well, I am almost joyless, or at least I was. I had to let go of the desired control, input and choices. Coming to the new minimum yard, I had set myself up for failure from the start because I didn’t know any better. Slowly, I began to look at it for what it is – a “pit stop” along the way to wherever it is that I am headed. It is not permanent, it is not forever and I have a release date. For the first time in my sentence, I can truly say this is my ‘temporary housing’.  That fact, though still unpleasant in reality, makes me happy.

Most important is that I have adopted immediate counter measures in my everyday life as a mechanism to cope. If you are wondering what that means, here are a few examples:

Challenge: The food served here is atrocious and unidentifiable.

Counter Measure: I am thankful that I have my own food and the support from my mother that enables me to eat well.

Challenge: When I speak to some of my fellow inmates it feels like the very process of doing so is robbing me of brain cells.

Counter Measure: I pick up the phone and call Joey, my mom, Deb or Kevin and talk about something interesting and intelligent

Challenge: I really hate wearing the color orange

Counter Measure: Luckily for me, there are worse colors against my skin tone

Challenge: I hate my job

Counter Balance: I remind myself that 85% of Americans also hate their jobs and they aren’t in prison!

In adopting this behavior, it has allowed me to genuinely be more positive and care less about all the crap that has been getting me down. Yes – “this too shall pass”, but I have to be able to deal with it in a smart and positive way.