‘It’s just sex people…. Can’t we all just RELAX???’

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‘Right for the Job’

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

One of the men whom I correspond with via mail asked me to pick 5 careers that I thought I would be good at and explain why. I figured that it is actually a pretty good question and so, I decided to go ahead and post it here. Keep in mind that I am already set on a career at athletic trainer/nutritionist.

FINANCIAL ADVISOR/TRADER

I have no idea where my interest in finances or the stock market emerged from. I am excellent with money and made really sound decisions when it came to my mother’s finances, investments etc. Those choices have become very lucrative for her and in this economy that says a great deal.  The Bloomberg Channel would be the equivalent of pornography to me. I understand the market and can feel the direction that it is headed. It is a shame that I am not eligible for my Series 7. If it wasn’t for my felony conviction, I would be doing this 100%.

FASHION/INTERIOR DESIGN

I have always been interested in clothing: various designers and styles. My mother was very fashion forward and through her, I learned a lot. As I grew, I became the type of person that would rather save money for a particular item and have fewer items of a particular designer that a closet full of ‘off the rack’ clothing. Some might perceive this to be superficial, but it is who I am.

As far as interior design goes, I have always been very skilled at color choices, textures and applying that skill to people’s personalities.

EXOTIC CAR BROKER

Automobiles are a passion of mine. I am practically a walking encyclopedia when it comes to automobiles, their manufacturers, engines etc.

CUSTOM HOME BUILDER

Home design is something that I really enjoy. The interest developed when we built our home together and I was able to see and understand the endless possibilities.

CHEF

I can cook. My grandfather was a chef and I was the only person allowed in the kitchen when he was cooking. I learned how to take chances and create things. Visually it is art, but it is the production, the process that I love most.

You may be wondering how it was that I decided upon Professional Athletic Training. Before coming to prison, I worked for a dear friend who is a Plastic/reconstruction surgeon. I met many people who wanted different bodies, enhancements or reconstructions. At some point, I decided that I wanted pectoral implants. When I told my friend this, she said that I needed to hit the gym for 6 months. If, after that, I still wanted the implants – she would do them.

I took her advice and the results came quickly. I became interested in bio mechanics, anatomy, physiology and nutrition. The next step was learning the best ways to incorporate these things into my everyday lifestyle.

Prison, ironically, became a huge motivator for me to maintain and enhance my physical conditioning. In 2007, my mom met a trainer who was certified from the International Sports Science Association. She contacted the director and explained my situation. They agreed to allow me to do all the necessary professional training through correspondence. When that began, I knew that it was something that I really wanted to do. I have the knowledge, the social skills and I really do enjoy helping people to accomplish their goals!

‘Career Plan’

Thursday, February 13, 2014

Like so many people, I struggled with deciding what it was I actually wanted to do for a living. I had many interests and they each made me happy and feel fulfilled in some way. 

The serious interest that I have had in my life are:

Sports

Cooking

Physical Fitness

Fashion Design

Interior Design

Equestrian

Medicine/Psychology

Automobiles

Only recently did I make the final decision on pursuing a Pro-Athletic Trainer career. Mind you, my options became increasingly limited since I have become a felon.  Ironically, this decision could have so easily been mine even without my history.

I genuinely love physical fitness, sports, nutrition and overall health and wellness. I’m incredibly disciplined with it and began taking specific college level courses in this industry via correspondence in 2009. Since then, I have earned my MFT (Masters in Fitness Training). Currently I am working on specific certifications in strength conditioning and sports nutrition. My goal is to have as many certifications and degrees in my field as possible. I need to be as marketable as possible upon my release as a freelance trainer/nutritionist.

 

In the research that I have done, I have found that I will be able to be independent and self sufficient doing this for a living. Doing this will also allow me to be my own boss and not have my criminal history as a handicap in the hiring process. I fully expect to be judged harshly upon my release by the majority of people that I come in contact with. This career plan will make it easier for me to transition back into society and the workforce.

’Life has a way of working itself out’

Monday, December 16, 2013

 

My mother recently shared with me her retirement plans.  After this discussion, I sat down and did the math. If I have figured it out correctly – it  means I will have only two years of freedom to get my own life together before she retires. Inevitably, I will be responsible for her and I am okay with that. Reality is though that I have no idea what that will entail. There is no way to prepare for that really and yet, it is something that I have to seriously think about.

What is more important; her quality of life – or my new life as a free man? How can I successfully merge these two critical goals? Can that be done even? Really, it’s not a matter of ‘can’, but ‘how?’.

 

Life supposedly has a way of working itself out though – right? I should try not to allow these thoughts to consume me and yet, it can all be so overwhelming.  I have nobody to blame but myself though. I could have already established myself and been ready for this had I not been so completely stupid. There is no point in playing the ‘what if?’ game so I will leave it at that.

‘The future; it’s a hindrance’

Monday, December 16, 2013

If you are reading this, then I humbly ask you to take a moment and step outside of yourself. Tell yourself that you are an ex-felon; that you have just spent 16 years in prison and far away from society. Consider that you will have to find ways to raise revenue to support yourself. Also consider that the challenges of finding a job paying much more than minimum wage will be near impossible because of your past. 

 

What would you do?

 

For those of you who have been following me since the inception of this blog, you know that psychology is my passion. My mother and a couple of my aunts are determined to have me re-register for school at Ohio University and work toward my Psychology degree. I keep telling myself that it may very well become a useless degree though because of my history. Explaining that to them, has become more difficult than I ever could have imagined.

As I stated previously, I feel I should focus on being my own boss and really hone in on my aspirations for becoming an athletic trainer.  I somehow need to communicate that to certain people whose opinion I respect highly.

 

What to do? I will keep you all posted.

Another weekend: "Why can I not decide what I want to do with my life?"

Monday, December 17, 2012

As a whole. The weekend was ok. There was a stabbing in dorm 5 and a shank (makeshift knife) was found in the C-run of my dorm, but besides that, I had a quiet and calm weekend.

I spent my time working out, reading a book about Land Rovers (a guilty pleasure) and watching TV with my bro John. Today marks our last day of work before we go on Christmas break so I know things will be busy and chaotic. Come Wednesday I will be looking very forward to another break so you will hear no complaints from me.

Right now, it is 5:00 AM. It’s dark and everyone is still asleep, which I love. John got up and went out for a run. I almost went along, but had some other stuff to do before we head into work. The fact that it is 28 degrees outside was not much of a motivator either. No, I think I would rather sit here writing and have a cup of coffee.

Why can I not decide what I want to do with my life?

Like always, I had a really good conversation with Joe over the weekend. He has been trying to get me to really think about my future and start making some decisions. There are so many variables though, and while I know the direction I want to go in, I keep hitting brick walls in a way. I’m expecting that he will come out to visit after the New Year so I can have some much needed one-on-one time with him.

Right now, if I had to tell you what I wanted to do within the first 5 years of my release, I’d say the following:

·       Immediately move to Boston and find a place to live on a temporary basis

·       Find employment

·       Buy a loft or apartment. (I want to own something)

·       Get a dog or two

So, I have complete faith that I can accomplish these things because I have crazy drive and ambition. There is no other way except up from here and I am very good with challenging situations. The area that I get completely stuck at, time and time again is employment. I mean, really, what the hell am I going to do for money? Obviously I can live hand-to-mouth, but I do not want to do that for the rest of my life. I have a really wide range of career interests and yet, still cannot decide on one particular thing. When it comes to quick employment, to just get some money coming in, I have an easier time with that;

1.       I have a Masters Degree in Fitness Training so I can get into a gym and do personal, or even private training. This does have the potential to grow into an actual career, but I do not know.

2.       I am an excellent bartender, but it’s difficult to get your foot in the door. Once in though, the money is very good.

3.       I could easily renew my Massage Therapy certification and make some cash doing that. It would not be long term, but it would be something.

As far as long term career goals, I am at a loss. My main interests are as follows:

1.       Abnormal Behavior Psycho Therapy

2.       Home renovation and house flipping

3.       Personal Fitness and Competitive Sports

 Last night, I asked John what he could truly see me doing and he said that he saw me as a trainer of some sorts. He saw me owning my own Personal Training Company. Hmmm. Obviously this got me thinking because it is quite possible. On the plus side, I don’t believe my felony would actually prevent that from happening.

I need to think about this. Joe is right; I need a plan.

John has returned and has 10 minutes to shower and shave before we go to work. I have to make his coffee. Sometimes I feel as though I am already in a relationship…only my partner is a straight Polish guy from South Beach, Miami!

Institutionalization; "Sometimes I don’t think even they know how scared I am of getting out."

Monday, October 22, 2012

Mom, Joe and other friends have all been telling me lately about the level of support that I will need when I get released. They have noted that my transition is going to be very difficult because no one can go away to prison for 16 years, get out and be just ‘okay’. Sometimes I don’t think even they know how scared I am of getting out. What’s worse is that I hate the fact that I have gotten to a place where I am actually afraid to be out of prison! It is a classic sign that I have become institutionalized without even knowing it. Most days I choose to ignore it but, when I am alone with my thoughts, well, that’s when it all comes to the front and center.

Thus far, after 10 years, I have adopted the following traits:

1.       I do not like being in a crowd of more than four people.  My defense goes up immediately

2.       I do not like people behind me, for any reason

3.       I do not like to be touched from the side or from behind. I always need to see what is happening.

4.       It is difficult to maintain steady eye contact with anyone during conversation because I am always scanning my environment.

5.       Ridiculous words trigger anger in me; ie: “pussy”, “punk”, “bitch”, “mother fucker”, “rat”.

Having these issues will make me appear to be crazy and I am worried about the length of time it will take me to break them.

Other concerns that I have, are even scarier for me. I will list them in order of importance to me, alright?

·       EMPLOYMENT – I have a few ideas as to what I want to do for work, but I will obviously have to live hand to mouth initially. Knowing myself though, I will need to hit the ground running in order to make up for lost time.

·       LIVING SITUATION – I am pretty independent. Moving in with my mom terrifies me. Though we could live together easily, I would feel as if she would have a certain amount of control and say over me. She would also subconsciously be all up in my business. Moving in with Joe would be extremely time sensitive. He is the consummate bachelor and loves his space. I would pose a challenge for him regardless of how close we are. The pressure to find my own place, would be on.

Ideally moving in with Jan would be the best idea because living with her would be easy and her house, is in a way, my house. I love it as much as she does. The problem however is that she is in the Bay area and I want to live in Boston.

·       SOCIETAL ACCEPTANCE – In my mind, people’s acceptance of me is neither desired or required but in my heart, I would very much like to be accepted. Deciding upon whether or not to be completely open about my prison experience or to pick and choose times to divulge that information is concerning. I know I am going to be judged, and seen differently. That will bother me to a degree. I just do not know to what degree. I do not want to live a life where I am constantly having to prove myself to everyone.

·       RELATIONSHIP – Though I have subtly changed my outlook on having a partner and being in a relationship, I know that at some point, I am going to want someone special in my life. My past could very well be a serious deterrent for anyone considering involvement with me.

I do not really discuss these issues with my friends or family because they are like the white elephant in the room. When they tell me that my transition will be hard, well, it kind of sums it all up. I try to bury these concerns of mine but I know that is not healthy. Still, I feel talking about them and attempting to deal with them now, is premature.