Tuesday, September 15, 2015

‘It’s just sex people…. Can’t we all just RELAX???’

Tuesday, September 15, 2015

Most healthy, normal humans enjoy sex. It’s a simple fact. Some obviously enjoy it much more than others, but everyone will agree - it is one of our basic animal drives. And thankfully, this commonly shared desire is one that supports the ongoing existence of the human race. 

It is the ‘business’ of sex though, that has many of us divided.  The very notion of turning something so incredibly pleasurable into a profit center, makes a lot of people squirm. Some turn sex into a career because of their acute business sense. Others get involved in ‘adult entertainment’ because they genuinely have a higher sexual appetite - and they truly enjoy it.  And then, sadly, there are those who turn to the business of selling sex because they are limited in their abilities to survive economically in any other way.

Though I rarely admit it to most people, I have considered a career as an escort or in adult entertainment. I am not alone in this fantasy. I have spoken to many men who also daydream about this enterprise. (Who wouldn’t want to get paid for something that feels so good?) But for me, there is a different reality. When I consider those careers, I am reminded of the fact that when I get out there and start looking to build a legitimate career, many people will know that I have been incarcerated. That stigma presents a considerable emotional roadblock to many who would otherwise readily employ me. Looking at the very real difficulties of becoming gainfully employed as an ex-convict, motivated me in this initial thought process. 

I have always kept this as a “backup plan”. If I was not successful as a Personal Trainer and found myself needing to generate some positive cash flow, I could always get into that ‘business’ if need be. Hell, there really is no harm in it – right? That career however, is still “taboo” even though the escorting side of it is one of the oldest professions known to man. I prefer not to say that this choice, for me, would be out of despair. That would be a lie. And I seriously doubt that many men and women in this particular arena grew up wanting to be in it as a lifelong dream.

I have known, and still know men that are successful in the adult film industry and on the side, are escorting as well. More than a few had fallen into it after attempting a legitimate modeling career. It’s an easy transition for most and sometimes, even easier to get booked. This has been going on for years and the internet and social media have provided the platform that was needed for men and women to take their ‘services’ to the next level. I have watched it grow with a fervency to match no other as I sit behind these prison walls. It amazes me to no end.

Porn is readily accessible at the click of a mouse and often times, it is free. There are Apps and websites readily available for anyone’s sexual tastes or preference. Specific fetishes are now more accepted than ever because the internet enables people to connect socially on line with others who share their same likes. Because I cannot experience either the internet or social media myself, I am truly non-biased in my viewpoint. I personally feel that, as long as no one is getting hurt, it is all okay. Obviously everyone has their own personal feelings or beliefs on sex, but if no one is being harmed, than why criticize or judge?

Recently, a website by the name of Rentboy.com was raided by the FBI and Homeland Security. The news breaking hit home only because I am familiar with a few guys who have marketed their services on that site. As a man who has casually considered getting into this field or should I say, “line of work”, I too would definitely have used Rentboy.com as a platform myself.

Demonstrators outside the federal courthouse in Brooklyn denounce the arrests of the chief executive and several employees of Rentboy.com.  
Photo: Steve Remich for The Wall Street Journal
Look, in no way can I speak as an expert to the specific case involving Rentboy.com. I don’t know all the facts and would never claim to be in the know with everything that is going on. That doesn’t negate the fact that I still have questions. Is this a gay issue? A solicitation issue? How will this impact the people who are trying to supplement their income, to put food on their table and keep a roof over their heads? Escorting (and sex) is going on in many other areas, so why this website? And why now?

As an adult, I wonder; why, in this day and age, should it be illegal for me to have a simple business transaction with another consenting adult? Is it because it is the act of sex that we cannot accept as ‘trade’? Is this some arcane moral value that still holds through the test of time? I mean, are there that many people who are still against this – even today?

The fact that I will be 35 this year, and 37 when I am released, presents a closing window of time for me to even consider myself in the adult entertainment industry, I realize this and accept it wholeheartedly. That doesn’t change the fact that I feel this rentboy.com situation is being made into a spectacle for unforeseen reasons. The continuous ‘ooohs’ and ‘ ahhhhs’ of shock, is quite ridiculous. Are we, as a people, this na├»ve and critical to: A) Not realize that this is a business – or-  B) Want to condemn it? I don’t believe this topic will ever be settled but I had to voice my personal outlook on it. 

Hell, my platform here is miniscule in comparison to others but, as this topic develops more and take on a life of its own, I felt it my due diligence to speak up as well.

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Sunday, August 2, 2015

’13 Things you must give up to be Happy – and how I feel about them’

Recently, I was watching a television program that raised the topic of happiness. The following 13 suggestions of things to abandon were mentioned. It got me to think about how those suggestions related to me personally. 

1.   Give up bad spending habits
This is not an issue for me. I have adopted a really good amount of self discipline in spending and deciphering what it is that I need vs. what I want. (But I also love a good deal when it can be found…)

2.   Give up waiting for the perfect moment. Do it now
Given my current situation, this is really not something I can put in motion…at least not in the areas of my life that I would like to see affected.

3.   Give up your Social Media obsession
I don’t even know what that would entail for me since I do not have any access to social media.

4.   Give up living in the past. Those times may have shaped you into what you are today, but they don’t have the power to control your future.
This is something I struggle with. I am conscious of it, but it is so easy to revert back to the past. I know that I have grown and changed in more ways than I can count, so I need to focus on the future and being the man that I have become.

5.   Give up your yearning to fit in
Not an issue for me since I have never exactly ‘fit in’. I have come to embrace this train in myself. For me, fitting in is boring and lacks personal identification.

6.   Give up your disorganized lifestyle
I am obsessive in my life and meticulous in all that I do so disorganization is not an option for me. Personally I find disorganization unacceptable because I cannot function in life if things are in disarray.

7.   Give up your overanalyzing of situations
I fall short on this habit. I analyze a lot and can easily find myself overanalyzing situations. Ironic; I am even overanalyzing my analysis of this habit. Not a good sign.

8.   Give up your need to have the “best” things. Don’t forget about the wonderful things you already have.
This is easy for me because I remind myself of the things that I do have in this situation. All of the material stuff has become less and less important to me. I still enjoy some of the best things… I just place less emphasis on them now that I did before.

9.   Give up toxic relationships
At the moment, I don’t have any.

10.       Give up your hesitation to indulge.
Indulging for me is putting my feet up and reading a good book. I do it every chance that I can get.

11.        Give up comparing yourself to others. Embrace who you are because there isn’t anyone better than you can be.
Not until coming to prison did I open my eyes and begin to move forward in becoming the best David, the best man that I know how to be. It’s something I wish everyone could do.

12.        Give up your packed schedule. Choose a day a week to dedicate to yourself.
Easier said than done and I think most people would agree – but duly noted.

13.       Give up relying on others to make you feel happy & fulfilled. You are in charge of your own wellness. Know what you want out of life.
I know intrinsically that this is true. I have had my own issues with happiness and think that I have yet to discover what it feels like authentically. One thing is certain; I do not rely on others to make me feel happy or fulfilled. I know that only I can do that.

Saturday, May 30, 2015

‘The Boston Bomber’

Tuesday, May 19, 2015

The verdict is in: Guilty. And the penalty?  



I must have watched and re-watched this on every news channel over the weekend. People around me would ask how I felt about it and I would say to them that I expected the guilty verdict, but nothing else. What I do not agree with is the penalty of DEATH. When people hear that, they are clearly shocked or confused.

First. Let me say that I am a supporter of the death penalty. I believe there are people who commit heinous acts that need not continue breathing. My issue with the death penalty however, is the process of appeal. Many people live on death row for decades and the appeals cost millions in state tax dollars. I feel that one appeal is certainly warranted but not 3,4 and so on.

In Tsarnaev’s case, I feel he is better suited in some dark, dank cell for the rest of his natural life. He is young, which means he will have a very long time to live in complete isolation. Let me tell you, as someone who was in isolation and a single man cell for years, that it can, and will drive you crazy eventually. 

My biggest concern however, is not for Tsarnaev, but for the victims. The victims will have to relive their experience at every appeal his attorneys file. It is unfair to them. This justice system is meant partially for the victims to have closure and that will not happen if there are 20+ years in appeals. So for those reasons, I hope he does not allow his attorneys to continue in appeals court. It would be idiotic of me to expect him to think of others though and so, for that, I will not be surprised to see this ordeal continue on into the years.

Let’s keep our fingers crossed. No matter what the outcome, we will still remain Boston Strong.

‘Unlikely Friends’

Monday, May 18, 2015

Throughout the months of March and April, I was experiencing a significant amount of disdain for the people I lived around. The particular hut that I lived in was no longer seen as an ‘Honor Inmate’ location and therefore, was used to house anyone. I became acutely aware of the fact that almost everyone around me was smoking the synthetic drug ‘spice’. If they weren’t smoking it, they were friends with others who were.

Spice is an epidemic in prison and I am sure it is outside these walls as well. I am not going to elaborate on drugs in prison because. I assume that my readers are intelligent enough to realize that drugs are a problem here. The unfortunate thing about spice is that it is impossible to test for it in here. It literally makes people act insane and frequently, they simply fall out and stop breathing. All in all, these are not good things – and living around people that partake – was really not a wonderful experience. The ‘Spice Heads’ (as I call them) combined with the drama from work and being on call 24/7, caused me to reevaluate my situation.

I drew the conclusion that I needed to move across the street to Yard 2 and live around individuals that I have not only known for many years (at various prisons), but also, knew that there would be no drama, no spice and a certain amount of camaraderie. This is a much better situation except for one detail. The individuals I live with now are skin heads. When you take that into account, someone like me should not – in any way – be accepted as a friend, or into their fold. I pretty much stand for everything they don’t and you would think that it would be the basis for a big, big problem. Oddly however, it has never been an issue and believe me when I say, that these are not new friendships in the making. I have been friends with a few of them for over 12 years now.

I have debated for awhile on whether or not I should write about this particular subject because I do not want to come across as a total hypocrite to my own people. I also do not want to appear to be a supporter of skin head nation. What I do want to do is to open peoples eyes. We all have different beliefs and ways of life. We all judge and have our limits. Many of us believe we are ‘right' and that others are ‘wrong’. Sometimes, we have no sensible explanation for things and when people ask me how I could possibly be ‘friends’ with these guys, or why I think that they are friends with me, I give the reasons as I see them. Unfortunately, they have never experienced the same things I have and cannot understand what I speak of. For you reading this, I will try to break down the reasons and maybe, just maybe, you will understand why we have come to a place where we accept one another.

Before coming to the North Unit in Florence, I was always unlucky to have been housed in some of the most violent prisons in the state. 95% of the time, I was the only homosexual accepted because of how I carried myself. Also, I have always straddled the proverbial racial fence because of my mixed heritage, of how I speak and behave. My overall prison demeanor has always pretty much been testosterone storming, masculine, and very “take no prisoner” in disposition. Tough characters relate to one another. 

In addition, when you go to war with someone, or in our case a riot – you learn a lot about people in their most vulnerable form. A couple of these guys I am living with now have literally pulled me out of harm’s way because they respect my character. They have fought for me and stood up for me at times when I was unable to do so for myself. That is really the only explanation that I have and all I can hope, is that somehow you can understand how this very unlikely group of friends has developed.

I moved to Yard II on the 21st of April and decided I would rather be at peace, around people I knew and trusted then to stay and deal with the nonsense of where I was.

Since relocating, I have been able to hear myself think. I am not bothered by a bunch of immature inmate shenanigans and a huge bonus here: nobody smokes spice. There are only 200 men living on this particular yard so I have a small circle of friends. Really – that’s all I need.

My new mailing address:
David R McKinney

#169947 YD II - 4E 16

ASPC Florence – North

PO Box 8000

Florence, AZ 85132-8000