Saturday, August 30, 2014
I have been experiencing a lot of new things lately.
My new job is very demanding and the jury is out on whether or not I will actually like it. It does keep me busy though, and for now, it will suffice.
What is interesting is that I no longer work inside the prison. I now work for a large warehouse company off of the prison grounds. I leave every morning and work around ‘civilians’ who are very well aware that, because of my orange jumpsuit, I am a prisoner. It is a surreal experience and I am having difficulty embracing it.
Mentally I know that if I was in regular clothing that there would be no issues at all because I would simply blend in. Few people would meet me and think silently to themselves: “he looks like he’s been in prison…” That said, the orange attire I must wear, has become my own version of the ‘Scarlet Letter’. There is simply no avoiding it. What is awkward are those moments when I must take an authoritative role with a civilian coworker. It feels inappropriate.
Subconsciously, I think I have convinced myself that somehow, civilians are better than me because I am the one who has been imprisoned. There is no telling whether or not it is right or wrong to feel this way, but it is how I feel.
As a whole, I am certain that my feelings are manifested by a whole slew of things I am going through. It is highly possible that I am being overly sensitive about it.