Saturday, February 22, 2014
I have been having an ongoing dialogue with a dear friend of mine regarding happiness and how the definition of it, the very idea of it, varies so definitively from one person to another.
I make no bones about the fact that I have some…let’s say ‘challenging’ character traits. Taking that into consideration, I have to wonder if I am not meant to find my “happy”.
Consider for the moment the following traits:
- Type A personality
- Methodically clean and organized
- Hyper analytical
- Stubborn and Decisive
I suppose the fact that I am completely aware that I have these ‘flaws’ is half of the battle. Still, I have to take it a step further because they hinder certain aspects of my life. Like anything there is a positive and a negative to this; I am glad that I have these traits but I know that, in the pursuit of my own happiness, that it may very well be that I am never satisfied enough.
Over the years it has become clear that I am the type of person who is happiest while I am in the pursuit of something; a goal or at least I have an objective. I decide on something that I want to accomplish and then I Genuinely love the process, the drive and energy while working toward it. The key is that once I have completed what I have set out to do, I have to immediately begin a new task. If I have no task or goal to work toward to, then I lose energy and quickly qualify myself as ‘unhappy’.
Is this trivial? I’m not sure. I want so badly to be ‘ok’, to be able to be content with whatever life I end up with. The reality is that I’m just not that person though. I think it’s time that I either admit it, or begin putting a lot of energy into changing some things about myself. But these are things that I am not even sure are changeable.
I need to embrace myself, flaws and all – right? I must learn to accept that I may just have a different ‘Happy’.