"Dear David" - Advice from Behind the Wall

Since starting this blog, I have been receiving many letters from readers who are curious and have many questions. Others have written and asked me for my thoughts on both life and relationships. It is not all bothersome. In fact, I have come to embrace these inquiries. With that in mind, I have decided to add a special segment to this blog;

“DEAR DAVID” - ADVICE FROM BEHIND THE WALL
This outlet can be used by any of you out there who wish to ask questions about anything and everything; genuine or sarcastic. Some of you may have children, siblings or friends in prison and simply have questions about what life in prison is really all about. I will do my very best to help.

Feel free to send your questions to me via email:
Trappedinaz2012@yahoo.com and my blog moderator will make certain to forward me your questions.

I promise to respond to all in as timely a manner as I can. I will also maintain everyone’s anonymity unless the writer specifically requests otherwise. I look forward to hearing from you and beginning this new segment of the blog!

Lisa in FL
Lisa,

In my mind, marriage is something that is very serious. Call me old fashioned, but you really need to knowhow your man is going to act in all situations, good and bad. I have many friends in prison who are married and successful at making it work because there is a light at the end of the tunnel. They can look forward to a life that they can continue once they come home after release. I even know people who have met while being in prison that have somehow made it work.
I do have my doubts though when it comes to people who want to get married to someone who is in prison for life. I think that it is time you start asking yourself some of the tough questions.
I wish you the best of luck.



Max in LA
Max,

Oh, where to begin… The conversation about 'whether convicts potentially have larger endowments' is a rather long one. LOL  But on a serious note, people in prison are still just regular people with all different body types. Sorry to burst your bubble, but there is no big difference in here versus outside.

Lori in Stockton
Lori,

Everyone’s experience in prison is different. Your son will be much more comfortable if he is able to purchase the basics once he leaves intake and integrates onto an actual prison yard. I have no idea what the costs are yor things in California’s Department of Corrections, but here is what I believe he should have:

§  Essential hygiene products

§  Writing, postage materials

§  Clothing/underwear

§  Dry food products (bread, peanut butter, Ramen soups)

§  Television (this will keep him from having to watch other people’s which could become problematic)

 
Taking into consideration his sentence, you will need to come to some sort of agreement as far as what level of monetary support you give him on a monthly basis. Make it clear that he will have to budget on that. Believe me, whether it is $50. Or $500., it all helps. Please do not stress yourself out though.

The question of how I survive financially is simple. I have a steady job in here, ($40.00 every 2 weeks – 80 hours at $.50 cents per hour) and I am incredibly blessed to be also financially supported by my family. It is because of these two things that I survive. My situation is, sadly, not typical of most inmates.

I am so thankful that my mother can afford to send me what she does. Nothing is cheap in here. The prices at the inmate store are very similar to what you would pay at a convenience store in your neighborhood.




Connor in PA
Connor,

The question of “what type of men do I like?” is personal , and not necessarily for general consumption Connor. Talk about putting me on the front street! Thanks! J

I don’t think the qualities that I look for would be all that surprising to anyone though. Overall, I would prefer a man who is 25 and older, who know who he is a man and a person and who is ambitious, kind and loving. I am also drawn to men who are adventurous, loyal and understanding. Physically I am attracted to handsome men with a bit of masculine swarthiness. Race has never been an element of importance for me. I do have a weak-spot for backs, hands, eyes, lips and tattoos.
 


Eric in OK
Dear David,

My boyfriend of four years was just sentenced to 5 years in prison. He told me to move on, but I don’t want to. What is the best way to maintain a relationship with someone in prison?

Eric,
 
I am sorry to hear about your boyfriend’s sentence. From my personal experience, I can tell you that you need to always have your computer or your pen handy because writing will become second nature. Write about any and everything no matter how mundane it may be to keep your boyfriend in the loop as if he was with you.

Be patient and realize he is not in control so you will have to step up to the plate. Phone calls are expensive but important. They give us a sense of security in simply hearing loved one’s voices. On the street, we take simple acts like picking up a phone for granted, but not in here.  Visiting is critical Eric and I can only hope that you are allowed contact visits. You need to be able to hug, hold hands and really be there face to face. You will find that being able to steal the occasional kiss will mean the world to both of you.


Relationships are possible, but you have to be determined. They can easily dissolve if they are not steadfastly maintained by both parties involved. I suggest that you sit down and tell him what you are prepared to do and go from there. It will be work, but the strength you two will develop will really solidify your relationship.
Good luck.


Amanda in NV
Dear David,

I have been dating a guy who is really great for about a month now and we’ve only kissed a few times, all of which I have instigated. My friends think he may be gay. How can I tell for sure?

Amanda,

Can he spell Manolo Blahnik?  Seriously. The best thing to do is to ask him if he is attracted to you and what his thoughts are on intimacy and sex!


 
Jake in CA
Dear David,
I am going to prison for a year for aggravated DUI. Any advice?
Jake,
Well Jake, don’t drink and drive!
You will likely go to a specific yard in California for DUI offenders, so I am guessing you will be okay. Become an actor and walk with confidence. (Save the cockiness) Look at people’s noses as you talk to them instead of direct eye contact. Do not talk about money or material possessions – at all. Do not gamble at all, in any way. Try to get a job and develop the same routine for everyday. The time will go by rather quickly.
Best wishes.

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