‘Far From Perfect’

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

An inmate here needed to speak to me about a pay discrepancy but was too nervous to speak directly to me about it. He asked a friend of mine to speak to me on his behalf in hopes that I might be more attentive to his situation. When my friend explained the issue to me, I told him to have the guy come and talk to me.

30 minutes later, the guy had worked up enough nerve to come and speak with me.

It turns out, that he had a legitimate pay issue. When the business side of the conversation was concluded, I asked him why he did not want to come and speak with me himself. He began quickly rattling off the following reasons:

1.   I make people feel dumb when I speak to them

2.   I always look angry

3.   People are warned to not upset me

4.   I am very picky about who I give my attention to

I was speechless. Before he left, I assured him that he could always come to me if there were problems with his pay. I sat on my bed contemplating all he had said about me.
Maybe he was right?

Do I make people feel dumb? It is completely plausible. I deliver information or facts in a direct, unforgiving way. I don’t make the necessary concessions for the simple reality that most of the inmate population as barely made it through 8^th grade. Most have never been out of the state of Arizona. But I have a problem ‘dumming’ myself down for the person whom I am speaking to. Speaking in laymen’s terms is one thing, but doing it to feed their insecurities in another thing entirely.

Do I look angry? I have been in prison for so many years. Nobody is on the same intellectual level for me to have a conversation with. We have nothing in common besides the color of our clothing and the fact that we are all convicted felons. In order to be mentally stimulated or feel any sense of ‘normalcy’ I must maintain regular contact with the outside world. What this means however is that I end up worrying about everything going on in two distinctly different worlds, rather than one. The biggest decision/responsibility most guys here have is whether or not to make their bed, or even to get up out of bed in the first place. For me, every decision I make here affects not only myself, but everyone outside of here that cares for and loves me. It is a lot to manage at times.

“Don’t upset David!” The inmates that have been doing time with me through the years have seen me at good and bad times. They are very aware that I have a vindictive side and that I fear very few things. It is no surprise that they have over time, spread this rumor about me. I understand why guys go out of their way not to upset me.

"I’m picky about who I give attention to.” Yes absolutely. I have learned all of the angles and possible ulterior motives guys have in here. No one is exempt and so, I am very particular with regard to who I give my time and attention to. That will never change as long as I am in here.

I guess the lesson here is that the guy was right. I feel like I should change something – to try and be less harsh. But I won’t. These are traits that I have carefully developed over time because of this environment. It is survival 101. They need to stay in place for the greater good of holding onto what sanity I have left.

‘Mom and the City’

Thursday, March 27, 2014

I owe so much to my mom, and the fact that she brought me up in San Francisco. Without both, surely I would not be the person that I am today. My childhood, though unorthodox to most, was awesome. Parents typically take their time introducing their children to life. There is a sheltered period that, in my opinion, can sometimes go on for too long. Rather than sheltering me, my mother took it upon herself to take me everywhere as if I were a small adult. She enabled me to experience different cultures and lifestyles. When I had questions, she answered them honestly without censorship. I am eternally grateful for that now. I would not be as adaptive in life had it not been for her parenting choices.

Mom

At 5 years old, I remember a man getting out of a black Porsche on Fulton Street. He was wearing a beautiful suit and tie, carried a Louis Vuitton briefcase and wore dark aviator glasses. What stood out to me was that he was wearing a pair of brown and white wingtip stilettos. They looked like shoes that you would wear. I asked you why the man was wearing girl’s shoes. You bent down eye level to me and said that people can wear whatever shoes or clothing that they want to – so long as they feel good about it. To make light of the situation, you asked me if I thought he looked nice. I nodded my head and you said that you agreed. As we walked past him, you told him that you loved his shoes. He smiled and said ‘Thanks’.

I was 7 years old when you decided to explain why Dianne Feinstein was so important to the people of San Francisco. Ms Feinstein had taken over after the assassination of Mayor Moscone and Harvey Milk. You explained to me who Harvey Milk was, that he was brave, intelligent and that he wanted everyone to be seen as equal.

When Mayor Agnos failed at helping the overwhelming homeless population, you insisted that I treat the people sleeping on the streets with respect and kindness. You took the time to explain to me the many ways that people can become homeless and that they deserved respect as human beings, just like everyone else.

Not long after that is when I began to notice men walking hand in hand down the street and showing affection to one another. When I commented, you explained to me then what it meant to be gay versus straight . It was what first motivated me to study people who were excessively tattooed, pierced or otherwise eccentric. The creatures of the night (prostitutes) and pimps were always entertaining to watch. The people riding the Y&M, like everyone else. You never instilled upon me that a lifestyle was wrong or unacceptable.

You took me to events at Davies Symphony Hall, the San Francisco Opera House, the Geary Theater, the San Francisco Museum of Modern Art, Museo Italo Americano, the Presidio, midnight showings of the Rocky Horror Picture Show, and to the gay pride parades. You encouraged me to eat sashimi, calamari, foie gras and oysters on the half shell. I loved things that most children’s palettes do not respond well to. I had become a very sophisticated child without ever realizing how extraordinary it was. I know now that you did all of these things on purpose, and I thank you.

Lastly, you introduced me to my beloved San Francisco 49ers. Your season’s tickets between 82 and 92 fueled my onsession with football. Some of my best memories were created there at Candlestick Park.

Despite all of the mistakes I have made – and all the challenges that you and I have faced and overcome… You did a great Job!

I’m just sayin….

‘Guys & Dolls’

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

I have never believed that my environment played a part in the fact that I am a gay man.

I, like so many, believe that I was born a gay man. Before coming to terms with my sexuality however, I did have a few heterosexual experiences. I know many gay men who have never been with a female, let alone be attracted to them, but that clearly wasn’t the case for me. I have always been able to discern whether I found men and women attractive. As puberty came around, I was unable to decipher the differences within my attractions. That fact alone was motivation enough to experiment.

In Junior High and High School, girls were pretty aggressive in their pursuit of me. I was confused by that. I could not recognize that the things I found attractive in guys i.e. their smile, voices, athleticism, butt etc., were the same things that girls found attractive in me.

Natalie was my first for everything. We shared commonalities: we were both popular and our parents socialized together. She was stunning, athletic and we were both were both genuine friends. When we decided to have sex, it was on a regular weekend ski trip to her parent’s cabin in Tahoe. It was awkward and clumsy but we found our way. My final analysis was that it was ‘okay’ but I didn’t understand what the big deal was. It the weeks that followed, she wanted to have sex all the time. My friends couldn’t understand why I was so nonchalant about it. Our relationship ended when my mom and I relocated to Scottsdale.

A couple of years later, enter Bernadine. Again, she was both beautiful and popular. The sex was exciting because she was much more experienced that I was. One day, when we were fooling around, I began to fantasize about my friend Sean and my arousal skyrocketed. Sean and I had been in a ‘bromance’ at the time and it put my mind into a spin. Luckily, my mom was not thrilled with Bernadine’s possessiveness toward me and put a stop to the relationship. In truth, I was not disappointed.

In the months that followed, I worked up the courage to tell Seam that I thought he was ‘hot’. Somehow we ended up fooling around and had our own experimental phase. I knew that he was straight, but for me, I realized that I was in fact, gay.

I was 16 or 17 years old when one day after running errands, mom and my aunt Jan were in the kitchen having a glass of wine, chatting. I was putting food away in the pantry when out of nowhere they asked in union: “So when are you planning on telling us you’re gay David?”

I said: “I don’t know. I haven’t thought about it. Why? Does that matter?

They said: “Of course not.”

“Okay then.” I replied and that was my entire coming out conversation. I never really had the ‘I need to talk to you about something’ talk. Like so many things in my life, very little is done in that “normal” way.

‘Right for the Job’

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

One of the men whom I correspond with via mail asked me to pick 5 careers that I thought I would be good at and explain why. I figured that it is actually a pretty good question and so, I decided to go ahead and post it here. Keep in mind that I am already set on a career at athletic trainer/nutritionist.

FINANCIAL ADVISOR/TRADER

I have no idea where my interest in finances or the stock market emerged from. I am excellent with money and made really sound decisions when it came to my mother’s finances, investments etc. Those choices have become very lucrative for her and in this economy that says a great deal.  The Bloomberg Channel would be the equivalent of pornography to me. I understand the market and can feel the direction that it is headed. It is a shame that I am not eligible for my Series 7. If it wasn’t for my felony conviction, I would be doing this 100%.

FASHION/INTERIOR DESIGN

I have always been interested in clothing: various designers and styles. My mother was very fashion forward and through her, I learned a lot. As I grew, I became the type of person that would rather save money for a particular item and have fewer items of a particular designer that a closet full of ‘off the rack’ clothing. Some might perceive this to be superficial, but it is who I am.

As far as interior design goes, I have always been very skilled at color choices, textures and applying that skill to people’s personalities.

EXOTIC CAR BROKER

Automobiles are a passion of mine. I am practically a walking encyclopedia when it comes to automobiles, their manufacturers, engines etc.

CUSTOM HOME BUILDER

Home design is something that I really enjoy. The interest developed when we built our home together and I was able to see and understand the endless possibilities.

CHEF

I can cook. My grandfather was a chef and I was the only person allowed in the kitchen when he was cooking. I learned how to take chances and create things. Visually it is art, but it is the production, the process that I love most.

You may be wondering how it was that I decided upon Professional Athletic Training. Before coming to prison, I worked for a dear friend who is a Plastic/reconstruction surgeon. I met many people who wanted different bodies, enhancements or reconstructions. At some point, I decided that I wanted pectoral implants. When I told my friend this, she said that I needed to hit the gym for 6 months. If, after that, I still wanted the implants – she would do them.

I took her advice and the results came quickly. I became interested in bio mechanics, anatomy, physiology and nutrition. The next step was learning the best ways to incorporate these things into my everyday lifestyle.

Prison, ironically, became a huge motivator for me to maintain and enhance my physical conditioning. In 2007, my mom met a trainer who was certified from the International Sports Science Association. She contacted the director and explained my situation. They agreed to allow me to do all the necessary professional training through correspondence. When that began, I knew that it was something that I really wanted to do. I have the knowledge, the social skills and I really do enjoy helping people to accomplish their goals!

‘The Gradual Decline’; Freedom is not the only thing you surrender in prison.

Thursday, March 27, 2014

INSANITY: I have heard people say that the definition of insanity is when you do something over and over and expect a different outcome each time… More days than not, I tend to agree with them.

The things that I plan on sharing in this entry may paint me in a deleterious way, but what I about to share with you, comes from deep within. Adapting to an environment such as this mandates a number of critical changes in how one thinks and behaves. There are many fundamental aspects of basic humanity that you quickly learn to surrender. Those changes are not simple or easy and, to a well adjusted individual, very difficult to implement. The following topics are not easy for me to discuss or admit to – but there is a nefarious side to me that I have had to adopt for survival within these walls.

I am in a very reflective and melancholy state at the moment. If you continue to read on; please keep an open mind and try to realize that this is not an easy environment to remain authentic in at all times.

SELF IMAGE

I spent the past Saturday in front of my television watching Lisa Ling on “Explorer”; ‘Documentaries of Prison’; on the National Geographic channel. I absorbed each episode imagining that I had no prior knowledge or experience of what prison is like. Four episodes later, I realized that no one resembled somebody “normal”; in appearance, character, or temperament. The inmates interviewed looked precarious, calculating, and bellicose. Certainly no one even closely represented me; the “Davids” of the prison population. That realization made me increasingly concerned that I may not be the “David” that I think I am - to an outside onlooker. I may very well be seen as one of these men on television.

Like them, I have tattoos though mine are not standard prison designs, but rather nonconforming, bold and Asian. I am in excellent shape, there is a darkness to my eyes and a non-emotional expression on my face 90% of the time. Unlike them though, I did not grow up on the streets or in a gang, but instead - from an upper class lifestyle. Yet still, here I am relating to these men on television. I understood them. I had believed in and adapted to the way of life depicted in front of me.

MORALITY

Veridity; I have become hardened, calculating, merciless and an expert at self preservation. This is a capricious environment and institution. The values and morals that I have had to actively ignore in order to survive I care not admit until my release, I am not shameful about these things – but I am certainly not proud either. I have unfortunately learned to think like a criminal. In fact, I have surpassed them because I can tell you what they are going to do before they know it themselves. I have studied them intently now for 12 years. I call it “aggressive observation”. The advantage is that few individuals are successful at deceiving me. I can see through their manipulations and diagnose their ulterior motives. Everyone has ‘angles’, but it is those who are driven by malice that we must pay the closest attention to.

PATIENCE

Severity; I can discontinue relationships with people in an instant without doubt or remorse if I feel disrespected or played for a fool. Forgiveness is a trait that enables us to be human beings, is it not? Forgiveness allows my family and friends to love me today - despite all that I have put them through. It’s important to me to develop the ability to forgive again. It is an act that we do not do in here.

PEACEFULNESS

Violence; I am now able to validate acts of violence. Those are words that I never would have been able to say had I not come to prison. I am not an advocate of violence and yet, I am able to make sense of why it is used in this environment. Confounding.

SOCIABILITY

Introversion; who do you know that would prefer to live alone in a 6x10 cell rather than in an open dormitory? I am now one of those people. Yesterday, I was describing another prison unit to a fellow inmate and I told him that the cells there, were ‘very nice’. Who in their right mind would ever describe a prison cell as ‘very nice’? Apparently, I would. In the cosmic scheme of things, I lived alone in a cell for the 1^st two years of my prison sentence. It was during that period that I became my own best friend. I never complained much then. There was nobody who would listen. Everything that I was experiencing was my own fault, brought upon by my own doing. Once someone has accepted responsibility for whatever it is that they have done, there is no point in complaining.

SELF VALUE

Worthlessness; each passing day, I expect disappointment. I never expect anything to go my way or benefit me. The logical side of my brain says; “why should I have anything go my way?” “Why do I deserve anything at all?” “I am a convicted felon and responsible for 3 lost lives.” What is bizarre is that I am not normally a natural pessimist. In fact, most would actually characterize me as being an eternal optimist. In here though, I am a different being. To my fellow inmates, I am seen as an intimidating force. To my family and friends, I am an intelligent, kind, thoughtful and driven man. To society however, my very existence is defined by a 6 digit number signifying my place amongst very bad people.

SENSE OF BEING

Soulless; Prison confinement eats away at your soul. The longer you are confined, the more your soul fades away. I tell myself that in place of the soul I have lost, I have gained personal and mental strength. I am not so certain that it has been a fair trade. Many men in here walk around and go through their same routines each and every day. You may feel the warmth of their skin as you shake hands, and occasionally see a smile on their face, but they are simply not ‘there’. Is it possible to gain – and not to have lost?
 

VULNERABILITY

No more weakness. I couldn’t afford it. Vulnerability is something that we allow to happen to ourselves. If we get hurt, then it is nobody’s fault but our own. Vulnerability is therefore unacceptable as it creates a personal liability. Even in my most panicked, afraid moments, I remain stoic. I must choose what it is that people will see in me.

IDENTITY

Me: I am David, or at least, a version of David that is more cognizant of the changes within. My transformation is evident. I am different. It is safe to say that even the people who are closest to me are unable to recognize this. How could they? The most time that they have spent with me at one time are during the 8 hours of visitation. During those times, I always choose to be happy. When I am on the phone with them, I feel “normal”, alive, and whole; like I have a reason for being and that I do not simply just ‘exist’. When I hang up though, I transform back to that intimidating, non emotional, skilled convict that I have become over the last 12 years. That change washes over me by the time the receiver connects.

As I look at my reflection in the mirror, I know that I am not completely lost. I just need to constantly remind myself of who I am. Sometimes we do things for so long, that we forget.

I forget – a lot.

Scared.

‘Will Gardner is Dead!”

Monday, March 24, 2014

Today is not a good day.

This is going to sound ridiculous to many, I am sure of it, but I am sure that we all have our favorite television shows. For me that show would be ‘The Good Wife’. I have not missed a single episode since its inception. I watch the re-runs during the off season because often I will catch something that I had not picked up the first time I watched it. In some peculiar way, I have fallen in love with each and every character.

Will Gardner is played by JoshCharles. He is my favorite male kead and I have had a crush on him ever since he played Knox Overstreet in The Dead Poet’s Society.

In ‘The Good Wife’, Will Gardner is a confident, brilliant, loyal, passionate and incredibly sexy man. Hidden within that, is a virtuous, sensitive and emotional character. The conundrum between Will and Alicia, played by Juliana Margulies is both tantalizing and beautiful.

I cannot imagine the show moving forward without him.

Josh Charles will be missed.

 

‘An Interview with Myself’

Monday, March 24, 2014

“What, if anything, gives you hope?”

Music. I have a deep emotional connection to music. I grew up around some of the best R&B and for me, it correlates back to my life events. When I listen to particular artists today it brings out hope in me. I’m able to remember. These memories propel me to move forward. I a way, I have learned to utilize my past – both the good and the bad – as stepping stones for my future.

The most powerful artists for me are:

Patty Labelle, Anita Baker, Bobby Caldwell, Sade, Deniece Williams, Peabo Bryson, Luther Vandross, Basia, Gato Barbieri, James Ingram

“When you laugh, what is usually the trigger?”

Myself. I have a tendency to laugh at myself more than anything else. I do my best not to take myself too seriously.

“What do yo fear the most in life?”

Personal Failure

“What, if anything, triggers hate in you?”

Ignorance I can deal with… but stupid people I cannot tolerate. (“Stupid is for forever”. -Todd Chrisley)

“What are your physical stats?”

This question always makes me feel a bit ‘Ok Cupid’, or something, but here they are

6 foot tall, 180 pounds, 48” chest, 32: wait, size 11 shoe

“What are your favorite clothing items?”

Grey fleece sweat pants, Tom Ford navy blue flat front slacks, Tom Ford white fitted button up shirt, Chocolate Todd’s loafers and white cotton boxers

“What are your favorite athletic teams?”

Football       San Francisco 49ers

Soccer         Brazil National

Baseball      Boston Red Sox

Rugby         Haly (yes, I love this sport!)

Hockey        Boston Bruins

“Do you believe in or practice an organized religion?”

Not particularly. I consider myself to be a very spiritual person. As I have matured, I have realized that organized religion left e with many unanswered questions. I am however, quite fond of our current Pope.

“Who would be your choice for guests at a dinner party?”

Since I was not given a specific amount of guests, I just went with it. Bear with me…

Audrey Hepburn

David Bowie

Rock Hudson

Harvey Milk

Geisha Cro-Ciosan

Christiano Ronaldo

Tom Ford

Gloria Steinem

“What would be your favorite choices for breakfast, lunch, dinner and desert?”

Breakfast – Eggs Benedict

Lunch – Grilled shrimp, bacon, tomato sandwich on sourdough

Dinner – Sushi

Dessert – Tiramisu

 

“What are the first things you want to do when you released?”

Other than getting on the first flight out of Arizona that is destined for Boston, Mass, my “to do” list consist of the following:

1. Walking barefoot in the grass
2. Taking an actual bath
3. Perusing the shopping market aisles (weird, but true)
4. Sleeping in a real bed
5. Wearing anything that is NOT orange

“What would be your first getaway destination?”

Snowboarding in New Hampshire or Vermont
 

“If you could choose any place in the world to live, where would it be?”

There is not just one place that I would choose. There are however, places that I would very much like to live if the opportunity presented itself.

Barcelona, Spain

Cologne, Germany

Florianopolis, Brazil

Boston, Massachusetts (done)

New York, NY

‘Political leaders whom I feel made an impact on history’

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

ELIZABETH I (1558 – 1603) Queen of England;

Advanced the Act of uniformity in 1559 which create an independent and uniform litany for religious worship; the act had thirty-nine articles in 1563, a compromise which formally separated the Anglican Church from the Roman Catholic Church
Enacted the so called “Poor Laws” during the 1590’s, culminating into the “Poor Law Act” of 1601 which made local governments responsible for their own impoverished citizens.

Margaret Thatcher (1979-1990) Prime Minister of the United Kingdom

“Failure?? Do you remember what Queen Victoria once said?” -  “Failure – the possibilities do not exist.”

Zâyed bin Sulṭân Âl Nahyân (1971-2004) President of the United Arab Emirates

Zayed was a pivotal figure in maintaining the unity of the UAG Federation and worked to establish powerful peaceful relations with nearby countries such as Saudi Arabia and Oman. The sheik also helped broker peace between Oman and the former People’s Democratic Republic of Yemen during their border conflicts in the 1980’s and between Iran and Iraq during the Iran-Iraq War between 1980-1988

Carrie Chapman Catt (1920) American Women’s Suffragette Leader, President of the National League of Women’s Voters

“There are two kinds of restrictions upon liberty; the restrictions of laws and that of custom. No written law has ever been more binding than unwritten custom supported by public opinion.”

Harvey Milk (1977) Supervisor, San Francisco Board of Supervisors

The 1^st openly homosexual public official of the Untied States. Mile & friend George Moscone, mayor of San Francisco were assassinated by a disgruntled coworker and former actor, Dan White.

Chandrika Kumaratunga  (1994 – 2005) President of Sri Lanka

The 1^st female president of Sri Lanka. Just days before the presidential elections in December 199, she narrowly escaped a suicide bombing/assassination attempt with only minor injuries. Despite the bombing, attributed to the LTTE, the elections went on and she was re-elected to a 2^nd, 6 year term.

Hugo Chavez (1999-2013) President, Venezuela

A self-appointed styled populist who won the allegiance of Venezuela’s poor while alienating the upper classes and broad sections of the middle class. In foreign affairs he cultivated close relations with Cuba, rejected efforts to establish free trade zones with Latin America and defied the United States on many foreign policy issues.

Bill Clinton (1993 – 2001) President of the United States

The most popular president of the 20^th century. Implemented the Department of Defense directive; ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ which forbade the military from inquiring about an individuals sexual orientation. Publicly supported gay marriage in 2009 and actively lobbied for the overturn of the Defense of Marriage act (DOM). He was the 2^nd president to be impeached (later acquitted).

'Do I believe the criminal justice system to be fair?'

Thursday, March 20, 2014

Up until the time that I had to deal with my own criminal defense, I never gave much thought to whether I believed the criminal justice system to be fair or not. Most people, I suspect, would agree to that. Unless you have someone that you know who has gone through the justice system, or have been through it yourself, there really is nothing to compare it to.

I want to be very clear though and share that people should be punished for particular crimes against society. Certainly there needs to be consequences for people’s actions when they break the law. Unfortunately, in my opinion, many of the sentences that are handed out are extreme and in some cases, unwarranted.

Granted, my personal experience has only been in Arizona, but there are a few reasons as to why I feel this way;

Sentencing

1. When it comes to assigning punishments, sentencing guidelines are inconsistent, and frequently unfair.
2. Sentencing practices between judges vary wildly
3. Inequitable legal defense is provided based upon the offender’s financial means
4. Punishment given for nonviolent and juvenile crimes is more harsh than appropriate
5. Mandatory minimum sentences are routinely given to drug offenders rather than ordering treatment or rehabilitation
6. Correctional Systems have become a for-profit business and the court system absolutely plays a role in fueling that economy

Classification

Offenders are often classified inappropriately. They are housed together based upon crimes committed. Unfortunately, offenders are individuals and they should be seen as such because every case, every offender, is unique and different. A person who has taken a life through a vehicular accident, without malice, has no business being housed with an inmate convicted of capital murder, and yet they are.

There needs to be a comprehensive screening process with interviews set in motion at the offender’s initial intake. Often times, there are psychological issues to take into consideration. The offender may not warrant placement in a pysch ward, but living within a general population in a state prison might not be a suitable location.

Alternative Punishment

There has been a decided shift away from utilizing alternative disciplinary measures. Many offenders are either first time offenders or have committed crimes which may not warrant incarceration. Unfortunately, alternatives punishments to prison are not considered. These underutilized mechanisms are:

• Extended home arrests for nonviolent, non repetitive offenders who have stable homes and families
• GPS ankle monitoring systems
• Increased work-furlough programs
• Reimplementation of military enlistment deferment
• Assigned FEMA work programs

Antisocialism – creating a culture of hate

Offenders learn unacceptable social behavior traits in prison. Correctional facilities propagate this behavior by not correcting it as it develops. Inmates learn to segregate themselves by race, religion, sexual orientation and by gang affiliation. They are taught to hate. These traits become deeply planted and are carried back into society. This dynamic absolutely hinders their ability to be successful in the real world.

Rehabilitation

The system has lost sight of its mission to rehabilitate offenders while they are incarcerated. There is instead, intense focus placed upon penalization. In doing that, they create and promote a negative, violent environment that induces violent behavior in human beings.

Recidivism

Upon release, most offenders are ill prepared to reenter society. They are required to report to a parole officer within 24 hours. Consider that the majority of offenders have no money or means of transportation. But they must find housing and be employed within 30 days of their release or they are in violation and are sent back to prison. These requirements would be challenging to any citizen, but in this economy – they are completely unrealistic. It is difficult enough for a college graduate to find a job. Imagine how challenging it would be for a convicted felon.

The average offender has no stable support system when they are released; no friends, no family who are waiting and willing to assist. That in mind, offenders are rarely able to succeed. There is a direct correlation as to why the recidivism rate is now in the 80 percentile.


I am hoping that this entry does not come across as though I am searching for empathy in any way. I am not. I have accepted things as they are because I have had to in order to be able to move forward in this environment. Many things in life are unfair. In my case, I committed a crime. Despite the simple fact that I had no intention or desire to cause an accident which would take the lives of others, I am, by society’s standards, a murderer. It is because of this, I deserve to be in prison.

This is my life.

‘Ten pieces of advice for someone facing prison time.’

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

LEARN TO FIGHT

I am not an advocate for violence. Personally I feel there is never a winner in any fight, but still, physical combat pleas an essential role in prison. It is primal and testosterone fueled. It occurs daily and is completely acceptable within the inmate population. Get in touch with your body, learn how it moves and know your limitations. I am not exaggerating when I say it is ‘Fight Club”.

BUILD A FINANCIAL CUSHION

Prison is incomprehensible without money. You will need applaiances, food and clothing. You will receive the bare essentials in a very miniscule amount but once they are gone, you are expected to feign for yourself. Assume you will need a minimum of $200. Per month through your entire stay to be ‘okay’. For $400 a month, you will live the most comfortably in prison in every aspect. It is not cheap – but I suggest you take heed to it. In prison, money = comfort. In my twelve years of incarceration, my mom has sent me almost $60,000.00 dollars. If that doesn’t put things into proper perspective – I don’t know what will.

DO NOT GET INTO DEBT

Stay away from gambling and the inmate run stores. If you can’t pay, the consequence will be that you have to fight. Depending upon the amount of money you owe, it could very well be life threatening.

ELIMINATE ADDICTIONS

Addictions will inevitably put you in debt and this form of debt – IS life threatening.

BE PREPARED TO THROW THE 1^ST BLOW IN A FIGHT

If somebody disrespects you, calls you a word that is not acceptable of owes you an unpaid debt, you must make the 1^st move. If you do not, your respective race will assault you for making them appear weak.

LISTEN BEFORE SPEAKING

90% of the time it is better to say nothing. Silence can be very powerful and it prevents others from twisting your words in their favor.

ERASE THE FOLLOWING WORDS FROM YOUR VOCABULARY:

Bitch, Punk, Son of a Bitch, Mother Fucker, Pussy, Nigger (Nigga is, however, acceptable)

MENTALLY PREPARE TO LOSE SOME OF YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY

The adage ‘out of sight, out of mind’ is absolutely true. For many people, keeping up with the emotionally draining requirements of maintaining relationships with people in prison is unfathomable. Try not to hold it against them.

REMEMBER THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE WORSE OFF THAN YOU

If you complain about having a 3 year sentence and you are talking to someone serving a 200 year sentence, you will likely have somebody put your foot in your own mouth for you.