Thursday, July 11, 2014
I am so very tired…
I have become completely unaware of
the energy I have been putting forth to tend to, manage and figure out so many
things that I have no control over. Somehow, I continue to fall into this
regime and it is so dangerous for me because I am naturally a “fixer” of
things. That in mind, it is easy for me to become consumed by issues that are
not my own. I have become short, irritable and frustrated on so many levels. I
need to waive the proverbial flag and just give up… It is easier said than
done.
To list the specific reasons that my
blood has been at a constant boil over the past few days would be unfair since
the people that it concerns would not be able to defend their actions. So I
will choose to remain somewhat vague here. Believe me though, when I say that
the issues that I am struggling with have been simmering for quite some time. A
close friend actually summed it up deftly; “it was just a matter of time…”
I know in my heart that this is true
because I am excellent at holding things inside, locked up tight – all the
while putting on that smiling/laughing and unassuming face. Inside however, I
am a pressure cooker and eventually everything will explode. Normally I can see
how the explosion will turn out, what it will fix or damage. In this case
however, I am unable to see any benefit in the impending explosion.
Unplugging seems to be the only
logical and mature thing to do at this point. I will have to work hard at it. I think that I can do it… but it will be something that I have to pay
attention to in a very methodical way.
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