Saturday, February 28, 2015

‘An Open Letter to Dan Savage’

Sunday, February 15, 2015

Dear Dan,

I am embarrassed to say that up until today, I had never heard of you or your column. You see, I am incarcerated and, as you might imagine, I have very limited access to many things going on outside of these walls. I have no access to the internet. (This blog is managed on my behalf, by a close friend who acts as my blog master.) 

Today however, I awoke to your interview on CBS Sunday morning. I was instantly intrigued, and with that, came the motivation to write this blog entry. I realize there is a huge possibility that you may never read it, but still, here I am, pen in hand.

You see, it is not every day that someone can cause me to question my own beliefs. I am pretty confident in how I have come to view the world, religion, sex and relationships. I am so sure of myself that I have blogged about there things. Like you, I have even given advice when solicited for it. I like to think I am a forward thinker and that I am open minded. I have never fit into a ‘box’ and have never wanted to. Being a bi racial, gay, Jewish man has always set me apart from most, and I embrace the fact that I am different. There are things however that would make me come across as traditional, specifically, the view I hold on relationships. 

Your segment on TV this morning was structured around your own view of relationships and with that, why you feel the way you do.

“Monogomish” was the term you use to describe your own marriage. At first, I was surprised and put off by it because emotionally I may be in denial when it comes to realistic monogamy. Don’t get me wrong…I want to be monogamous and believe that I can be. If my partner and I do choose to sleep with someone else together in a ménage a trios, or independently, what happens to that commitment to one another? 

The way you explained it was so eloquent and genuine. You are absolutely accurate in saying that when two people commit, they choose to be monogamous. But that doesn’t mean that they would never think about having sex with someone else. I think that, even the most committed of couples think about sex with other people and likely may not want to admit that to one another.

For me, I believe that if my partner had sex with someone else, I would likely want to discuss it, but I may honestly say that it wouldn’t be a relationship-ender for me. Perhaps that fact alone means I have evolved a bit in the relationship category. I don’t know. We are human beings and we make mistakes, etc.. I am a true poster child of what not to do, but that’s life.

At this point, I can tell you that I have a profound respect for your openness and for living your life as authentically as you can. Thank you for that and know that, if nothing else, your segment reached someone in a very unlikely place.


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