‘It’s just sex people…. Can’t we all just RELAX???’

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‘New for 2015’

Saturday, January 10, 2015

At the moment, things in my life are okay. For the new year, I began a new job working as the clerk in the mail and property office. The position so far has been wonderful because I feel as though I am accomplishing something everyday. The hours are 6-2, Monday – Thursday and 12-8 PM on Friday. Personally I love this schedule as it affords me the opportunity to work out/train daily and still have time to write, read and take care of other miscellaneous tasks. Since taking this new job, I have noticed a decided uptick in my mood and so, I am embracing this change.

On New Year’s Day, I took my 1,000 page police report that I have been toting around for all these years and finally threw it away. I believe it was one of the most freeing experiences I have ever had while being incarcerated and it felt as if a weight was being lifted. It’s not as if I am trying to forget why I am here… That is consciously impossible. I just didn’t need it anymore and I could no longer come up with a solid reason to hold onto it. Mentally, it was as if I was telling myself that the chapter is closed, that everything from here on out – is about the future and not – the past.

Mom has officially embraced the notion of being completely relocated to Boston within the next 346 days. She has assigned this particular timeline to adhere to and I think her energy is good. She deserves the opportunity to be as happy as possible and truthfully, she cannot achieve that here in Arizona. Her house is going up for sale and she is on a new mission.

Over and above all of that, I am really doing my best to stay focused on the present and the future. My natural instinct has always been to look back at what once was. I mean, the present was the equivalent to a personal Purgatory and the future seemed unreachable. It was all psychological but I couldn’t fight it successfully. Now, in 2015, I can finally start to see the light at the end of the tunnel. You may be wondering what it is about 2015 exactly. I can’t really say for sure. The fact that I have 3 only years remaining I guess, is so mind boggling to me. It’s almost over.

Lastly, I really have been committing myself to my Judaic studies. I won’t say that I am becoming religious, because I am definitely not. I am however embracing the concept of my faith and for once, feeling like I have a clear and concise understanding about it. There is no doubt in my mind that it has helped me to organize my thoughts and put everything into perspective. 

Funny, the things that can motivate and trigger change within us….

The fear of consequence will only last so long..

Sunday, February 3, 2013

If you have been reading along, then you know that there was a series of really unfortunate and violent events here last month. Things got so bad that the administration had us on Lockdown status for about 10 days straight and even took everyone’s privileges away for an entire weekend. That is very rare.

Since then, things have certainly calmed down. The big question that needs to be asked here though, is how long will that calm last? So many men here are continually making bad choices that would normally receive some form of physical discipline. Being that they are being given a ‘pass’ of sorts, a lot more guys are doing the craziest things because they know that they will get away with it. Basically, there is a domino effect occurring and I fear that it will all come to a head soon.

I have given this situation a great deal of thought and in the end, there is no winning. It will simply go round and round. The administration has to do everything in their power to keep us relatively safe. The ‘shot callers’ within the inmate population want to make sure that everyone is behaving as they should.

There is no fix here.

Prison Contract Problems; "There is always something terrifying here."

Friday, October 19, 2012

Last night, on the local news, there was coverage regarding our prison again. The Dept. of Corrections is under fire for allowing a contract with the Motor Vehicle Division. They literally have inmates answering the phones and helping outside civilians with their needs. Mind you, the person calling in, has no idea that they are speaking with an inmate. Apparently, the public is not thrilled by these findings and candidly, I wouldn’t be either. The whole thing is weird. What really gets me is that I know how many people out there need jobs and here are a couple of hundred positions that could go to people on the outside, who simply need to provide for themselves. Instead, The Motor Vehicle Division wants to save money and set up call centers inside prisons and employ convicts. The whole situation upsets me and yet I have to put that face on and act as if this is a great opportunity etc.. Eventually, something will happen and the Arizona Department of Corrections (ADC)will be under fire again.

In just the last year, the ADC has had lawsuits against them for an array of inmate deaths, severe assaults, and most recently, because an RN used the same needle to inject over 100 inmates with insulin. There is always something terrifying here. Oddly, I have come to expect it but it really is terrible.  Because I am aware of the bigger picture, I have also grown capable of playing Devil’s advocate. Funding is terrible and so the ADC is not able to fully staff the prisons as they should be. They do the best that they can, but it is just not possible to meet the demand with their limited resources. The new privatized medical contract with Wexford was directly responsible for the insulin incident and now ADC is investigating it. Last, but not least, if the inmates want to do something, they will find a way to do it. It remains a continuous battle. It does make one wonder though; why is the Arizona Department of Corrections always in the news?

Personally, the only issues I see go hand in hand with the county attorney’s office and the legislative guidelines. Arizona has some of the highest sentencing guidelines in the country. They also require inmates to serve 85% of their sentence, despite the fact that the correctional facilities are overcrowded, and there is no money to build new prisons. Ironically, they have established multi-million dollar contracts to house Arizona inmates in private prisons instead. None of it makes any sense. It’s taken years for me to fully see how convoluted the DOC is.  It’s taken even longer for me to accept that no one cares to fix it.