‘Questions Answered’

Wednesday, July 2, 2014

Q. What is my favorite snack outside of prison and my favorite snack inside of prison?

A. Consider me a food snob in a way, but my go-to favorite snack outside of prison has always been a good French baguette with sliced cheeses. My preferred cheeses are Gruyere, Maytag blue cheese, smoked cheddar, Gorgonzola, Roquefort, and Camembert. Inside prison, I simply eat raw tuna out of the pack with cashews.

Q. What does my job actually entail and how much do you make?

A. I am the head of the Human Resources division. (WIPP) I have an incredible amount of responsibility and am the only one capable and trusted to do what I do. The job is uncommon and so, I think it has caused me to become one of the most high profile inmates in prison. My responsibilities are as follows:

• Payroll
• Shift Scheduling
• Interviews and summary reports
• Closing out payroll in the database
• Balancing budgets and keeping fiscal payroll under budget
• I work five 10 hour shifts Monday through Friday and make $.45 cents an hour

Q. How often do I get visits, Where do my visits come from and how are they arranged?

A. Normally I get visits from my family every other weekend depending on their schedules. I have friends in Colorado Springs, San Diego, Los Angeles, San Francisco and of course, Boston who also visit when their time and money will allow.

The visits are on both Saturday and Sunday from 8:00 AM – 4:00 PM and last the entire day. Overall, the environment is relaxed once you get past the barbed wire fences and steel sliding doors. There is food and drink available in vending machines and an outside area where people can walk around and smoke. I am able to hug, kiss and have physical contact with my visitors so there is no barrier of glass or anything like that.

Q. Throughout my incarceration, what is the most shocking thing I have witnessed or has happened to me?

A. There are a few things that were severe in nature that I do not speak of often, actually ever for that matter. I have never felt as though people needed to hear about these things, but I will share them for you now.

 - During my first 6 months of incarceration, 2 men attempted to rape me. They were unsuccessful and that event caused me to become a fighter. I fought hard enough that my reputation began to develop quickly.

 - Hearing a harmless elderly man being beaten to death in the cell next to me, simply because the cellmate that he was with, did not want him as a cellmate.

 - Watching a Muslim man stabbed over 100 times in the chest, head and torso simply because he was sleeping with another man in prison. He was dragged down the hall, laid in his bed, covered with a blanket and died.

 - Coming to the realization that I was no longer affected by acts of violence, I am numb and unaffected by it now.

Q. Is there anyone special out of your pen pals that you could see something serious with?

A. This is a two part question really. I could see myself with a few of the men that I have corresponded with and even someone whom I communicate with presently. The question should be: ‘Do I want something serious with anyone that I am corresponding with as a pen pal?’ The answer to that, would be ‘No’. I have no desire to become involved with anyone that I cannot physically meet and truly get to know, face-to-face in real life situations. In turn, there would be a great many questions that I would need answered as to why they, as a free person, would entertain a serious relationship with me being in prison. Thus far, that question has only been answered authentically by one man. (He shall remain anonymous)

Q. Do I have any favorite TV shows?

A. Yes. I love ‘Fargo’ on Fox. It was an unbelievable finish! ‘Tyrant’, also on Fox, is my new favorite and of course, I can’t wait for ‘The Good Wife’ to come back.

Q. What do I want my first vacation to be after I am released?

A. A snowboarding trip to Vermont or New Hampshire

Q. Is sex between inmates as rampant as it is rumored to be? (If so, why?)

A. I don’t know if I can accurately answer this question without a clear definition of sex. (Apparently it differs from person to person…) I will say that there is a lot of mutual masturbation, touching, wrestling, body contact, ball grabbing, bare ass smacking etc.. It is definitely more than a regular person would ever expect.

Personally, I think the answer is simple. Physical contact between people is fundamentally important. Men in prison are starving for it and with that, a good “bromance” can easily escalate to something more.

Q. Who is responsible for my blog?

A. My blog master is Joey. Calling him my "best friend" is an injustice however. We have both accepted that there really is no title or term for the bond that we have. Our relationship is uncompromising because we keep one another on track and continuously challenge one another to be better. Somehow, he finds the time to take care of this blog on my behalf.

Q. You were raised with both Judaism and Catholicism faiths. If you were to have a child, would you choose one religion over the other to raise and instill your child with? What would be your reasoning and what would your children’s names be?

A. Wow! I have never been asked this question or given it much serious thought at all really. I believe I have mentioned that becoming a parent has never been a priority for me. I do however, believe I would make a good parent. As far as religion goes, I would probably choose Judaism. Growing up, I personally felt more at home in a Temple, more accepted and less judged by people within that faith.

Names? I would say Oliver for a boy, Addison for a girl.

‘Ten pieces of advice for someone facing prison time.’

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

LEARN TO FIGHT

I am not an advocate for violence. Personally I feel there is never a winner in any fight, but still, physical combat pleas an essential role in prison. It is primal and testosterone fueled. It occurs daily and is completely acceptable within the inmate population. Get in touch with your body, learn how it moves and know your limitations. I am not exaggerating when I say it is ‘Fight Club”.

BUILD A FINANCIAL CUSHION

Prison is incomprehensible without money. You will need applaiances, food and clothing. You will receive the bare essentials in a very miniscule amount but once they are gone, you are expected to feign for yourself. Assume you will need a minimum of $200. Per month through your entire stay to be ‘okay’. For $400 a month, you will live the most comfortably in prison in every aspect. It is not cheap – but I suggest you take heed to it. In prison, money = comfort. In my twelve years of incarceration, my mom has sent me almost $60,000.00 dollars. If that doesn’t put things into proper perspective – I don’t know what will.

DO NOT GET INTO DEBT

Stay away from gambling and the inmate run stores. If you can’t pay, the consequence will be that you have to fight. Depending upon the amount of money you owe, it could very well be life threatening.

ELIMINATE ADDICTIONS

Addictions will inevitably put you in debt and this form of debt – IS life threatening.

BE PREPARED TO THROW THE 1^ST BLOW IN A FIGHT

If somebody disrespects you, calls you a word that is not acceptable of owes you an unpaid debt, you must make the 1^st move. If you do not, your respective race will assault you for making them appear weak.

LISTEN BEFORE SPEAKING

90% of the time it is better to say nothing. Silence can be very powerful and it prevents others from twisting your words in their favor.

ERASE THE FOLLOWING WORDS FROM YOUR VOCABULARY:

Bitch, Punk, Son of a Bitch, Mother Fucker, Pussy, Nigger (Nigga is, however, acceptable)

MENTALLY PREPARE TO LOSE SOME OF YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY

The adage ‘out of sight, out of mind’ is absolutely true. For many people, keeping up with the emotionally draining requirements of maintaining relationships with people in prison is unfathomable. Try not to hold it against them.

REMEMBER THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE WORSE OFF THAN YOU

If you complain about having a 3 year sentence and you are talking to someone serving a 200 year sentence, you will likely have somebody put your foot in your own mouth for you.

 

 

'DESENSITIZTION'

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

DESENSITIZTION: to make somebody less responsive to an overwhelming fear by repeated exposure to the feared situation or object, either in natural or artificial circumstances.

I had an outstanding visit with my mom this past weekend. The intensity of the day was spent discussing preparations for our permanent relocation back to Boston. It’s taken some time but I feel as though we are finally on the same page when it comes to comingling our goals.

At one point, we discussed that she will be leaving neonatal/pediatric medicine and returning to the adult trauma department. This was her original specialty and I think she is looking forward to returning to it. I asked if she felt ready for the ‘blood and guts’ again. She inferred that she was definitely ready… that the tolerance for it never really went away. Re-facilitating the ability to compartmentalize all of that was relatively easy for her. It was a thought provoking statement for me to hear her say.

I have been struggling with my own realization of just how desensitized I have become over the years of being incarcerated. In fact, I have gone to great lengths to try an hide it from people who are very close to me. I truly fear that they would think that something is drastically wrong with me. Worse yet, I feel that I would be deemed ‘institutionalized’ or psychopathic by those who I love most.

The truth is that I have lost that basic human emotion/reaction when witnessing physical abuse and/or brutality. I know how that must sound because it feels horrible just saying it. Unfortunately, I have seen things that are simply unforgettable. I must compartmentalize them and believe me I do. But they are there still… buried in the back of my mind.

For me, I am able to consciously decide what I choose to care about. There are things that are off limits of course, like my friends and family. I will never be able to tolerate any type of harm or malicious behavior aimed at them. Aside from them though, I can easily classify any act of violence and essentially choose to not care about it – or feel anything.

I do not like the fact that I am able to do this, let alone be successful at it. It is not natural. It is a trained character trait that I have developed due to an over exposure to violence. I accept the fact that there is a high chance that I will return to the way that I once was. Still, I like to believe that after some time, back in society, that those feelings and emotions will eventually come back and I will be able to react accordingly when exposed to violence.

When I explained this to my mom, she diid her best to ease my mind, explianingthat the adaption I have experienced was a means to survival. It had to happen in order for me to continue to move forward within each day. I know that she is right, but that doesn’t make me feel better about it. In fact, that was kind of frightening.

“Adapt, live or die, right?: It should be the mission statement for all high custody prisons.

' DISCRIMINATION'

Friday, February 28, 2014

DISCRIMINATION: Treating people differently through prejudice; unfair treatment of one person or group, usually because of prejudice about race, ethnicity, age, religion, sexual orientation or gender.

I woke this morning to discover that Arizona has a bill waiting to be signed that would allow businesses to turn away homosexuals. I feel so ashamed of the fact that I live in this state. Here it is 2014 and Arizona is taking huge steps backward. Politically, I strongly disagree with most everything that the state of Arizona stands for. Leaving this state will be the best day of my life.

My personal experience;

One would think that growing up in San Francisco I would have been introduced to discrimination early on, but that is not the case. I was taught about it, yes. Living in San Francisco allowed people to be who they were, real and organic. Understanding discrimination and actually being discriminated upon are completely different things.

The first time I experienced discrimination I was in high school here in Arizona. (Scottsdale) Classmates would ask where I was from and I would respond San Francisco. Their immediate thought was that I must be gay. I also realized that everyone divided themselves up into specific groups or cliques. I only attended private schools and the ones in Scottsdale were very different from the ones I went to in California. Financial status as apparently very important in Scottsdale, so by proxy, the kids were divided into three categories; #1 The Wealthy, #2 The Very Wealthy & #3 Those who had more money than the law should allow. In San Francisco, everyone was financially secure but nobody ever spoke about it. No one cared. In Scottsdale however, it was all about the clothes that I wore, the car that I drove, my summer/winter vacation destinations, my parent’s jobs, my address – and how many addresses we had.

Since I was new, nobody really knew much about me so they had no alternative other than to turn their perception into fact. They assumed that I was Latin American or of a mixed ethnicity because of my skin tone and features. They assumed that I was in the 2^nd financial category because I drove a Land Rover, wore designer clothes and had more than one address. Initially, I felt as though I would fit in but none of these things really mattered because, at the end of the day, they still believed that I was gay. That in of itself was social suicide in Scottsdale. Being that I was confident in the fact that I was gay however, I decided to rise above it. I figured that I needed to be stronger than the people who were judging me.

My prison experience;

Coming to prison, I was discriminated against not only for being gay, but also for being financially secure, light skinned, attractive, and educated. Saying that I was hated – would be an understatement.

Years later, after more fights than I care to count, and a couple of years in the “hole”, I have established myself in a society that I naturally shouldn’t fit into at all. I don’t want you to think that I have changed everyone’s minds because I haven’t. I have managed to enlighten a few, but in truth, the majority has simply chosen to accept me because it is easier than explaining how they have lost a fight to a homosexual. Many of them also realize that I am smarter than they are and so, in a way, I have Become an asset to them.

You have to remember that this will always be a testosterone based environment. Even though I am masculine, being gay still makes me weak in their eyes.

Yes, I know all about being discriminated upon.

Being gay in prison – Is it as challenging as it sounds?

Friday, January 3, 2014

Being gay in prison – Is it as challenging as it sounds? The simple answer is yes. Still, the answer deserves more attention than that though, so I will do my best to explain.

As a gay man coming into prison, you have some options as far as how to proceed through incarceration.

1^st Option; Digress back into the closet completely, reel in any of the effeminate mannerisms and characteristics, become a straight man for all intent and purposes. As a means of survival, I think it can be acceptable in this situation for those who truly can commit to becoming someone else.

2^nd Option; Enter prison being true to who you are and immediately become hitched to someone who will protect you so long as you are their ‘property’. Responsibilities become very wife-like i.e. cooking, cleaning, laundry and sex. Remember that there is no divorce in prison though without serious consequences which usually result on serious physical assault.

3^rd Option; Enter prison being true to who you are and stand your ground as far as remaining on your own. You will have to fight a lot initially because people will test you all the time. As a gay man, we are seen as weak and feminine. So you have to prove yourself worthy of acceptance to the heterosexual population. Along with fighting, you should be able to think, act and speak for yourself. You will be judged at everything: how you play sports, workout, wear your clothing, speak, shake hands etc. All of your behavior can be seen as “gay” or “weak” so be clear on who you are andstick to it. Our reputations are everything in here.

I suppose a great many of you are wondering what option I took. I chose Option 3. To be clear though, I had no idea of what options I had when I first came into prison. All I knew was that I had a high profile case and the media had mentioned that I was a gay male. I figured it would come back to haunt me – so I decided to just be ‘me’. None of it was easy and I have been in more physical altercations than I care to admit. After a few years though, the population began to talk and eventually the word gets out that you can hold your own in a fight. At that point, the fights begin to slow down.

Straight men who come into prison are also challenged, but they are given the benefit of the doubt. Gay men walk head first into war as their own personal gladiator. Once you accept that you are on your own, it can be liberating in a way. Your survival is all up to you so when you ‘make it’, well, it’s a pretty surreal feeling. Even now, after all these years, I look in the mirror at least once a day in awe that I have made it this far.

If someone told me years ago that one of the biggest accomplishments that I would have done in my life is surviving 16 years in prison, I would have laughed and then began describing the many ways in which I would likely have been killed on my first day.

In the final analysis, we, as human beings, whether we are straight, gay, transgender, striped, purple, green or whatever, we are so much stronger than we give ourselves credit for. We must have faith in ourselves. I made the choice to survive. 

I am surviving and I am doing so as a bi-racial, gay man in prison.

When inmates are bored, they stir the pot; "it is NOT acceptable for the Crips to discipline a Blood"

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

There is a particular Brotha here who, I believe, runs with the Bloods and he works the yard crew. What that means is that he does nothing but walk the yard, pick up trash, polish brass on doors etc.. The rumor is, he has become a bit too comfortable with the officers. Unbeknownst to me, the remainder of the inmate population says that he is always talking to various officers. Since his job does not require him to be in communication with the officers, this is seen as a bad thing on the yard.

This morning, a couple of Crips from the other side of the yard came over and threw a few punches into this guy’s face. Now, despite the fact that the majority of the inmate population believed he should be disciplined, it is NOT acceptable for the Crips to discipline a Blood. This particular event has initiated a huge amount of Crips vs. Bloods activity from one side of the yard to the other. Since no one is passing through from one side to the other today, all conversations will have to be put on hold until tomorrow.

Hell hath no fury!

 

President's Day was a violent one; "If these assaults were discovered, we would surely be locked down."

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

I got up yesterday focused on having a great day. I had to write to a new friend Paul, who another inmate is desperately trying to hook me up with. After that, my plan was to work out, call home and then relax.

The morning was great, but as I went outside around noon, a white inmate was jumped, right in front of me. I kept walking toward the phones. Some guys got him up, and brought him inside. As I got to the phones, two more white inmates were also jumped. I proceeded to call my mom and check in. If these assaults were discovered, we would surely be locked down.

Halfway through my phone call with mom, John rushed over and asked me if I would look at the injuries to one of the white inmate’s head to see if it would require stitches. I ended the call and went to examine the injury. I looked at his head carefully and then informed them that, in my opinion, it would require staples. (I later learned that the medics apparently used super glue instead.)

Realizing that the yard was running on Normal Operations, I decided to go ahead with my work out. The afternoon, at least my afternoon, was really very nice. That cannot be said for everyone.

I am back to work today, which is good. This week is really short. I will only work Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday. Piece of cake! The best news is that Joe will be here from Boston to spend the entire weekend with me.

That alone, makes my entire month. I can’t wait!

http://filipspagnoli.wordpress.com/2009/09/16/prison-conditions-a-collection-of-images/

Though I am off work this week, I am still busy as hell; "I have been inundated with other people’s problems."

Thursday, February 14, 2013

Our boss has to fill in for an officer on maternity leave so John and I are off all week. I had plans to read, write and work out until my body could take no more. That has not been possible to do. Instead, I have been inundated with other people’s problems. It’s Thursday morning and the issues continue to come in.

Problem breakdown;

Sunday food visit; I have a friend here, who I do my best to keep ‘in line’. He desperately wants to be ‘somebody’, regardless how hard I try to sway him away from that desire. His wife was apprehended at the visitor check in, bringing in contraband. They apparently seized a couple of small bottles of alcohol from her. To make matters worse, the woman that she gave a ride to, was discovered to have narcotics in her vaginal canal. (I suspect she was trying to bring this in to whomever she was visiting.) In any case, the situation is bad and really, I have no sympathy for anyone because, as readers know, I am not a fan of drugs, not even spice. Still, my friend is now on edge and has been in constant need of hand holding. I am not a hand holding type of guy when I feel you blatantly brought these problems upon yourself. I will support him because he is my friend but the boy is suffocating me. Eventually the investigators will interview him and it is quite possible that he will be moved to a higher custody level yard somewhere in the state.

Monday Evening; An older white man made the mistake of picking up someone else’s sweatshirt. He truly believed it was his. The owner however, was dead set convinced that he was trying to steal it and would not let it go. Shortly thereafter, a few white guys beat the crap out of him literally and it was incredibly sad. It should never have happened but I have no say in how the white’s take care of their own problems. I was disgusted though.

Tuesday Morning; A white guy came to John begging for help. He is $310.00 in debt to the blacks. This guy went top John strategically knowing that John and I are best friends. It took me the better part of 4 hours to go around and speak to everyone he owes money to and get them to back off. I assured them that they would be paid in time and to be patient. I only did this to help out John. Dealing with the blacks in prison when it comes to money is incredibly challenging. They have no tolerance but they cannot go against my requests so, at least I have bought this guy some time, on John’s behalf. At this point, all I can say is that the money will hopefully be paid back. I cannot intercede on his behalf anymore.

Wednesday Afternoon; Since I am so often at work, and off the yard, I am not aware of how many of my ‘Brotha’s ‘ are getting trivial disciplinary tickets. They range from not being clean shaved, to sagging pants, out of place or not wearing their IDs. These tickets are warranted so I had to have a “Come to Jesus” meeting with some of the youngsters who are behaving like knuckleheads. It is not hard to walk around the yard and be in compliance. They need to get with the program because these trivial tickets can boost their points up quickly and before they know it, they will be relocated to a level 4 maximum custody yard. I have been on max yards and a lot of these youngsters have no idea what they are getting themselves into.

Anyway, it’s been busy here and today has only just begun. I wonder what today will bring for me?

The fear of consequence will only last so long..

Sunday, February 3, 2013

If you have been reading along, then you know that there was a series of really unfortunate and violent events here last month. Things got so bad that the administration had us on Lockdown status for about 10 days straight and even took everyone’s privileges away for an entire weekend. That is very rare.

Since then, things have certainly calmed down. The big question that needs to be asked here though, is how long will that calm last? So many men here are continually making bad choices that would normally receive some form of physical discipline. Being that they are being given a ‘pass’ of sorts, a lot more guys are doing the craziest things because they know that they will get away with it. Basically, there is a domino effect occurring and I fear that it will all come to a head soon.

I have given this situation a great deal of thought and in the end, there is no winning. It will simply go round and round. The administration has to do everything in their power to keep us relatively safe. The ‘shot callers’ within the inmate population want to make sure that everyone is behaving as they should.

There is no fix here.

Patiently waiting for a change of pace; "People here, just do not want to play nice with others."

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

It’s hard to believe that we have only been under Normal Operations for 8 days out of the 22 of this new year. I’m not sure what I should conclude from this other ther than the fact that people here, just do not want to play nice with others.

There has been one serious assault after another and I know that the administrators are trying their best to get a hold of it. The problem is that for them, the only option is mass punishment; hence the lockdowns and revocation of visitation privileges over this past weekend.

As a whole, I was not nearly as upset as the rest of the population, but then again, I have been on some of the most violent yards in this state. I’m well aware of what the administrators will do when their hands are tied. Though I am not a fan of mass punishment, even I have to agree that this, is really their only option.

I was not expecting a visit this weekend so my family and friends were not affected by this. I did however look forward to my weekend phone calls to Joe and I really needed to call Marc and speak to him as well. Instead, I wrote letters, watched the Food Network, ate too much, worked out too much (I am entirely too sore) and got caught up on sleep.

Being that yesterday was a holiday, we were locked down anyway. At the moment it is 5:30 AM. The yard should have already opened up if they were planning on taking us off of Lockdown. Since they have not, I will have to come up with some things to occupy my time today.

 

A brand new kind of me; "I proceeded to have an emotional breakdown."

Thursday, January 17, 2013

The past 48 hours have been filled with some serious soul searching and “me time”. To say that I have been antisocial -would be a gross understatement.

Yesterday morning, someone that I consider a friend, was seriously assaulted outside and left there lying alone and bleeding from the head. I was inside at the time and was completely unaware of what was taking place. As usual, when staff finally realized what had taken place, we were immediately placed back on Lock Down status.

As the facts of the event came in, I remained quiet but my anger and disgust within began to rise and rise. Hearing guys laughing and telling jokes about it was a tipping point for me. I grabbed my towel and headed to the shower where I proceeded to have an emotional breakdown. This shit, is NOT okay.

Over the years, I have certainly become desensitized to many acts of violence and wrong doings. But it is always different when it is someone you truly know. There is no place deep enough within my mind to bury that and ignore it. This event in particular brought a wave of memories of so many things I have seen and with that, a lingering question that simmers within me; “how is it that I have gotten to a point where these act have been okay, accepted, and then ignored?”

Am I mentally weak? Selectively blind? Have I become an advocate for violence? Am I non-feeling?

Have I become one of “them”?

I have rational explanations for all of these questions to self, and each of them lead to survival – both mentally and physically. But it’s not enough. I need to find myself back to me… I’m not lost, but I have been ignoring too many things simply so that I can be “okay” and continue to move forward. This behavior is not acceptable to me and only I can change it.

Another weekend: "Why can I not decide what I want to do with my life?"

Monday, December 17, 2012

As a whole. The weekend was ok. There was a stabbing in dorm 5 and a shank (makeshift knife) was found in the C-run of my dorm, but besides that, I had a quiet and calm weekend.

I spent my time working out, reading a book about Land Rovers (a guilty pleasure) and watching TV with my bro John. Today marks our last day of work before we go on Christmas break so I know things will be busy and chaotic. Come Wednesday I will be looking very forward to another break so you will hear no complaints from me.

Right now, it is 5:00 AM. It’s dark and everyone is still asleep, which I love. John got up and went out for a run. I almost went along, but had some other stuff to do before we head into work. The fact that it is 28 degrees outside was not much of a motivator either. No, I think I would rather sit here writing and have a cup of coffee.

Why can I not decide what I want to do with my life?

Like always, I had a really good conversation with Joe over the weekend. He has been trying to get me to really think about my future and start making some decisions. There are so many variables though, and while I know the direction I want to go in, I keep hitting brick walls in a way. I’m expecting that he will come out to visit after the New Year so I can have some much needed one-on-one time with him.

Right now, if I had to tell you what I wanted to do within the first 5 years of my release, I’d say the following:

·       Immediately move to Boston and find a place to live on a temporary basis

·       Find employment

·       Buy a loft or apartment. (I want to own something)

·       Get a dog or two

So, I have complete faith that I can accomplish these things because I have crazy drive and ambition. There is no other way except up from here and I am very good with challenging situations. The area that I get completely stuck at, time and time again is employment. I mean, really, what the hell am I going to do for money? Obviously I can live hand-to-mouth, but I do not want to do that for the rest of my life. I have a really wide range of career interests and yet, still cannot decide on one particular thing. When it comes to quick employment, to just get some money coming in, I have an easier time with that;

1.       I have a Masters Degree in Fitness Training so I can get into a gym and do personal, or even private training. This does have the potential to grow into an actual career, but I do not know.

2.       I am an excellent bartender, but it’s difficult to get your foot in the door. Once in though, the money is very good.

3.       I could easily renew my Massage Therapy certification and make some cash doing that. It would not be long term, but it would be something.

As far as long term career goals, I am at a loss. My main interests are as follows:

1.       Abnormal Behavior Psycho Therapy

2.       Home renovation and house flipping

3.       Personal Fitness and Competitive Sports

 Last night, I asked John what he could truly see me doing and he said that he saw me as a trainer of some sorts. He saw me owning my own Personal Training Company. Hmmm. Obviously this got me thinking because it is quite possible. On the plus side, I don’t believe my felony would actually prevent that from happening.

I need to think about this. Joe is right; I need a plan.

John has returned and has 10 minutes to shower and shave before we go to work. I have to make his coffee. Sometimes I feel as though I am already in a relationship…only my partner is a straight Polish guy from South Beach, Miami!

How stupid can people really be?; a white guy came up positive with something in his rectum

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

When you know that you are caught with your hand in the cookie jar, why continue to deny it?

Due to the inmate assault in Dorm 1 the other night, all staff began a major search of that dorm. When this happens, the rest of the inmate population knows that it is time to start hiding things and putting things away.  Well, at least that’s what everyone does if they have something to hide. When it came time for everyone in able run to sit in the bodyscan chair, a white guy came up positive with something in his rectum. He was immediately taken to what we call a ‘dry cell’.  Basically it’s a 6’x6’ cell with a toilet that has a catching mechanism in it. The inmate must have at least 3 bowel movements before being released. I’d say 100% of the people placed in dry cells are guilty and it’s a good way for the DOC to successfully collect evidence they need to charge the particular inmate.

As the search continued on, and came to Dog Run, a black guy I know, was doing something suspicious and got into a physical altercation with a sergeant I have also known for years. He is probably one of the best sergeants we have here. He is also very tough, so the black guy got the short end of the stick in that fight. Now, I hate to say it, but all of these incidents are comical to me. I watch this shit unfold and think to myself; “why do these idiots do this stuff?”  It will never make sense to me, but as we all know, there is a lot in life that doesn’t make sense.

I spoke to Mom this morning on her way home from work and gave her the rundown on the goings on in here. She said that she was so glad that I am never involved in that stuff. The reason for that though, is that my circle of friends and I are okay. We don’t have a ‘let’s get over on the DOC’ mindset.

Town Hall Meeting; "Some white guy was stabbed in front of my dorm."

Monday, November 19, 2012

Since our mini riot last Tuesday, there has been a whirlwind of violence here. Our lockdown went on through Thursday and were finally placed on normal operations that morning. I had to be present at a town hall meeting with our Deputy Warden that morning.

The meeting was okay. I have a lot of respect for the Deputy Warden. She is no-nonsense and direct, which is something I can completely appreciate. She also has no problem meeting with an inmate one-on-one to try and help with whatever situation arises. That, is a rarity. The meeting went alright though and was over in a couple of hours. There was nothing that was brought up that I did not know already so mostly, I just sat and listened.

That evening, when the yard opened up for the night, some white guy was stabbed in front of my dorm. So back on lockdown we went again. I was able to get out to go to work on Friday .  That was good, because I had many loose ends to tie up before going on a 12 day vacation.

Again, we came off lockdown early yesterday morning so I was able to go out, use the phone and take care of a couple of things. Like clockwork though, as soon as the yard opened up for night rec last night, another white guy was assaulted. Argh!

Lockdown is the story of our life.

Since I am off now for an entire week, I have no idea of what’s in store. I will blog and work out. John is planning the menu for Thanksgiving. But I will have to cook it.
Oh well.

Racial Tension and Self Reflection; "an all out battle broke out between the two races."

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Something wicked is brewing within our population. Last night, I had to go outside to talk with a few of the brothas about their dealings with a particular Mexican who has a penchant for compulsive lying and drug use. When I was done, I was walking across the yard and noticed the head Mexican national (Paisa) speaking to the head Mexican American in a raised voice. I could not make out all that was said, but as I called the house and said hello to Kevin, an all out battle broke out between the two races. About 60 people were involved and I had just enough time to tell Kevin what was going on, before I had to hang up the phone and get on the ground.

As I laid there in my good sweats and shoes, I looked around and surveyed the mess. Imagine a bunch of angry chimpanzees going at it and that would be the closest you can imagine to the scene. All of the brothas and the whites stayed away and were virtually unaffected by it. I tried to get comfortable because I knew I would likely be there on the ground for hours while the officers got everything under control.

New inmates who were around me were in shock and a bit terrified. It sadly, served up a reminder to me of my own institutionalization both mentally and emotionally, as I was completely fine. In fact, I was more upset that I was missing a new episode of Happy Endings.

About two hours later, officers finally got around to processing me. Basically they check our hands, knuckles, face and body to ensure that we were not involved. Then we submit to a full body scan in a chair and then released back to our respective dorms. The process works because they did get all the men involved, but it is incredibly time consuming.

As I entered my run, of course John was hysterical because he was unable to get to me, or know if I was okay. Mentally I understood his concern and appreciated it but, again, I have been there, done that. John, on the other hand, has been lucky and has never been involved in a riot or an extremely hostile situation yet.

I showered, washed my now dirty clothes, caught the end of the 10:00 o’clock news and then went to bed.

The yard is officially locked down because of the inter-racial tension but I was able to go to work. I have no idea if the issue between the two races is over. I have a feeling that it was initially a one on one disagreement that got way out of hand. Time will tell, but the administration is taking every precaution – which is completely understandable.