‘A Current Prison Assessment’

Friday, January 30, 2015

Many have inquired as to why I have not written much about the particular prison unit that I am now on. Perhaps they were expecting daily journal entries of all the goings on here… I suspect that they are genuinely curious. Whatever the case may be, I have had many reasons – and I doubt that you can believe that the biggest one is that this is the best prison yard I have ever been on.

As you absorb that one statement, remember that I had become completely institutionalized within the more hardened ‘gladiator school’ type of prison. I am now immune to rampant drug use, racism, religious prejudice, violence, murder and a string of many other horrible things. Coming to a minimum yard was nerve wracking because I perceived that there would be a greater lack of respect, lack of discipline, structure etc. I was not exactly sure how I would react and adjust to all of that. I believed, (at least I convinced myself) that being on a higher yard, with more structure, would be best for me. This was not necessarily because I needed the structure, but rather, because most other inmates do - and that made my life easier.

I have struggled internally about how I truly feel living here at North Unit, Florence Arizona. My honest assessment is that I like it here… for as much as a person can ‘like’ a prison.

The inmate population here is defined by 3 primary groups:

1.   Chronic Care

These men suffer from Alzheimer’s, kidney failure (Dialysis), liver disease and a multitude of other medical issues. The medical relationship to this yard is intense and the administration is very proactive at working toward providing the most comfortable living environment for inmates in a seriously ill state of life

2.   "Downhillers"

(My group of inmates) These men have been in prison for a long time (years and years…) They are on the downhill slope of their sentence and doing all they can to remain busy and productive. Everything we do in our basic day to day activities has some type of correlation to the release date and – the real world.

3.   Knuckleheads

These are the idiots who are repeat offenders of nuisance charges and cannot seem to get their lives together. Unfortunately they believe that this is as bad as it gets and it actually – it is the best. It is very sad and unfortunate.

The staff here, are all pretty great. Perhaps it’s just me and the fact that I know how to act like an adult and know how to communicate. But I have yet to have any incident or disagreement with any of the staff. At the end of the day, I have nothing but good, productive experiences with them. I don’t know why but there doesn’t seem to be a chip on their shoulders and they know how to deal with situations accordingly.

The officer I work for has been completely vested in the department since 1986 and is strict, meticulous, and hard working. Thankfully, my ethnicity and sexual orientation are inconsequential to her. She is fair and very understanding. Running mail and property for 1,100 inmates is beyond challenging but somehow, it gets done professionally and without issue. For me, it is a positive experience as it closely depicts a real life job experience. That is something that I genuinely appreciate and am thankful for because it continues to keep focused on my end game.

The Yard

This facility is very large and is actually divided into 3 individual smaller yards. When an inmate arrives, they begin on Yard 3 until they find a job. This is a working yard so almost everyone has some form of employment. Depending on the job you receive or interview for, dictates whether you will be moved to Yard 1 or Yard 2. Each of the yards has working kitchens and incredibly organized daily operations because of the amount of inmate movement here. It is truly like a little city.

Personally the yard operations are well suited for me. My schedule at work gives me a good amount of off time to manage my affairs and partake in visitations on the weekends. It is consistent and it works for me.

Hopefully this gives you a better, clearer understanding of why I haven’t downloaded much about my current prison unit. There is nothing bad or scandalous to report. My life here is as good as it can be for someone who is in prison. Obviously a lot of that is simply mindset and determination but it is a cohesive situation right now. It’s easier for me to be positive ad productive on a unit like this one.

Today, as I look ahead, I have only one more goal to accomplish before I am released. Mom will be 100% relocated to Boston this year and when that happens, I am going to try my best to become certified as a fireman and work with the wilderness Fire Crew. It is an amazing opportunity offered here and I think I would be really successful at it. The current team members and crew supervisor are great and I have a good rapport with everyone involved. That said, I think it would be my last and final goal in prison.

‘A Brand New Day’

Wednesday, September 3, 2014

 

Life in Florence is slowly becoming my new ‘normal’. My schedule is now full and I suppose, I should be thankful for that. Naturally I am a “go getter’ and prefer to stay busy. This particular schedule however, is giving me a run for the money.

04:00 – Wake up, pee, brush teeth, shower, write or blog

05:00 – Report to the sally port to leave the unit for work

06:00 – Report to work

17:45 – Leave work and travel back to the prison unit

18:30 – Work out, eat dinner, make phone calls, and shower

20:00 – Settle in for TV, read, write or socialize

22:00 – Fall asleep

The good news is that the days are flying by and I feel every day as I am going through it. I should embrace this right? I mean, I have one of the most highly sought after jobs that an inmate can have. I make a whopping $.80 cents an hour – which is the highest amount we can make. I’m healthy, in shape and have extraordinary support from the outside. Nobody really bothers me and I stay away from the nonsense. All of these things are good.

Still… if all of this is good, why am I so unhappy?

Life is funny. I have to acknowledge my own advice to other people and do something about my unhappiness. I have to figure out something or at least begin to really appreciate what I do have. I need a change because I refuse to stay in such a melancholy state of mind.

I know that finding my own version of ‘happy’ is possible. I have done it in much worse situations than this. I think I have become complacent with who I have become and this is my very real wake up call. I need to look at everyday as if it is truly a brand new day.

This is something I know that I can do

‘The Scarlet Color’

Saturday, August 30, 2014

I have been experiencing a lot of new things lately. 

My new job is very demanding and the jury is out on whether or not I will actually like it. It does keep me busy though, and for now, it will suffice.

What is interesting is that I no longer work inside the prison. I now work for a large warehouse company off of the prison grounds. I leave every morning and work around ‘civilians’ who are very well aware that, because of my orange jumpsuit, I am a prisoner. It is a surreal experience and I am having difficulty embracing it.

Mentally I know that if I was in regular clothing that there would be no issues at all because I would simply blend in. Few people would meet me and think silently to themselves: “he looks like he’s been in prison…” That said, the orange attire I must wear, has become my own version of the ‘Scarlet Letter’. There is simply no avoiding it. What is awkward are those moments when I must take an authoritative role with a civilian coworker. It feels inappropriate. 

Subconsciously, I think I have convinced myself that somehow, civilians are better than me because I am the one who has been imprisoned.  There is no telling whether or not it is right or wrong to feel this way, but it is how I feel.

As a whole, I am certain that my feelings are manifested by a whole slew of things I am going through. It is highly possible that I am being overly sensitive about it.

‘Questions Answered’

Wednesday, July 2, 2014

Q. What is my favorite snack outside of prison and my favorite snack inside of prison?

A. Consider me a food snob in a way, but my go-to favorite snack outside of prison has always been a good French baguette with sliced cheeses. My preferred cheeses are Gruyere, Maytag blue cheese, smoked cheddar, Gorgonzola, Roquefort, and Camembert. Inside prison, I simply eat raw tuna out of the pack with cashews.

Q. What does my job actually entail and how much do you make?

A. I am the head of the Human Resources division. (WIPP) I have an incredible amount of responsibility and am the only one capable and trusted to do what I do. The job is uncommon and so, I think it has caused me to become one of the most high profile inmates in prison. My responsibilities are as follows:

• Payroll
• Shift Scheduling
• Interviews and summary reports
• Closing out payroll in the database
• Balancing budgets and keeping fiscal payroll under budget
• I work five 10 hour shifts Monday through Friday and make $.45 cents an hour

Q. How often do I get visits, Where do my visits come from and how are they arranged?

A. Normally I get visits from my family every other weekend depending on their schedules. I have friends in Colorado Springs, San Diego, Los Angeles, San Francisco and of course, Boston who also visit when their time and money will allow.

The visits are on both Saturday and Sunday from 8:00 AM – 4:00 PM and last the entire day. Overall, the environment is relaxed once you get past the barbed wire fences and steel sliding doors. There is food and drink available in vending machines and an outside area where people can walk around and smoke. I am able to hug, kiss and have physical contact with my visitors so there is no barrier of glass or anything like that.

Q. Throughout my incarceration, what is the most shocking thing I have witnessed or has happened to me?

A. There are a few things that were severe in nature that I do not speak of often, actually ever for that matter. I have never felt as though people needed to hear about these things, but I will share them for you now.

 - During my first 6 months of incarceration, 2 men attempted to rape me. They were unsuccessful and that event caused me to become a fighter. I fought hard enough that my reputation began to develop quickly.

 - Hearing a harmless elderly man being beaten to death in the cell next to me, simply because the cellmate that he was with, did not want him as a cellmate.

 - Watching a Muslim man stabbed over 100 times in the chest, head and torso simply because he was sleeping with another man in prison. He was dragged down the hall, laid in his bed, covered with a blanket and died.

 - Coming to the realization that I was no longer affected by acts of violence, I am numb and unaffected by it now.

Q. Is there anyone special out of your pen pals that you could see something serious with?

A. This is a two part question really. I could see myself with a few of the men that I have corresponded with and even someone whom I communicate with presently. The question should be: ‘Do I want something serious with anyone that I am corresponding with as a pen pal?’ The answer to that, would be ‘No’. I have no desire to become involved with anyone that I cannot physically meet and truly get to know, face-to-face in real life situations. In turn, there would be a great many questions that I would need answered as to why they, as a free person, would entertain a serious relationship with me being in prison. Thus far, that question has only been answered authentically by one man. (He shall remain anonymous)

Q. Do I have any favorite TV shows?

A. Yes. I love ‘Fargo’ on Fox. It was an unbelievable finish! ‘Tyrant’, also on Fox, is my new favorite and of course, I can’t wait for ‘The Good Wife’ to come back.

Q. What do I want my first vacation to be after I am released?

A. A snowboarding trip to Vermont or New Hampshire

Q. Is sex between inmates as rampant as it is rumored to be? (If so, why?)

A. I don’t know if I can accurately answer this question without a clear definition of sex. (Apparently it differs from person to person…) I will say that there is a lot of mutual masturbation, touching, wrestling, body contact, ball grabbing, bare ass smacking etc.. It is definitely more than a regular person would ever expect.

Personally, I think the answer is simple. Physical contact between people is fundamentally important. Men in prison are starving for it and with that, a good “bromance” can easily escalate to something more.

Q. Who is responsible for my blog?

A. My blog master is Joey. Calling him my "best friend" is an injustice however. We have both accepted that there really is no title or term for the bond that we have. Our relationship is uncompromising because we keep one another on track and continuously challenge one another to be better. Somehow, he finds the time to take care of this blog on my behalf.

Q. You were raised with both Judaism and Catholicism faiths. If you were to have a child, would you choose one religion over the other to raise and instill your child with? What would be your reasoning and what would your children’s names be?

A. Wow! I have never been asked this question or given it much serious thought at all really. I believe I have mentioned that becoming a parent has never been a priority for me. I do however, believe I would make a good parent. As far as religion goes, I would probably choose Judaism. Growing up, I personally felt more at home in a Temple, more accepted and less judged by people within that faith.

Names? I would say Oliver for a boy, Addison for a girl.