Thursday, February 21, 2013

When the past comes back, it is not always a bad thing; "The ‘What ifs’ are interesting to think about though."

Thursday, February 14, 2013

My ex partner and I have always sporadically been in contact since our break up. He is a good man who was supportive of me, but the demise of our relationship was twofold; we both made mistakes along the way and the accident was seemingly, the icing on the cake. Initially our communication was confusing for me because our love and memories complicated things. Now though, I believe we are in a really good place. He is a friend and that simple, yet powerful fact surprises me. The very fact that we have a history and have been able to see one another evolve, grow and become better versions of ourselves adds to that bond.
The past year or so, we have been in more steady contact and he has been out to visit a few times. He is relocating to NYC next week from San Francisco for a new job and I am thrilled for him. This coming Saturday will likely be the last time I will see him for a good while, so I am looking forward to that for sure.

As I was speaking to him on the phone yesterday, he asked; “Do you think if the accident had not happened that we’d be doing the whole marriage and kids thing?” I paused and then said that I didn’t think so because I would have inevitably messed things up between the two of us. I stated that it’s quite possible that if not for the accident, that ha and I might not even be in contact at all. After a period of silence, he agreed. Again, I have no idea where my life would be or what I’d be doing if I was not here. I do not harp on those possibilities… The ‘What ifs’ are interesting to think about though.
Right now, today, all I think about is what’s to come. That is what gives me peace of mind. This life is not ‘it’ for me, but if not for it, well, I have no idea where I’d be. Is that something to be thankful for?

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