Monday, May 30, 2014
Recently the guys here have been commenting on how quiet I have been and are continuously asking me if there is anything wrong…
- My audible voice: “No absolutely not. Everything is cool.”
- My thinking voice: Hell yes there is something wrong! In fact – everything is wrong. I am in a state prison – in one of the most arrogant, deceptive, isolationist, conservative, judgmental and backwards states in this country! I’m surrounded by passive, idiot nincompoops who only care about getting high and acting as if they are the baddest, toughest and most ruthless motherfuckers in all of prison history. Bear in mind that most of them cannot read, write, subtract, or speak in complete, articulate sentences. Hell – most of them can’t even spell articulation. Words like “Dog”, “Homie” and “Nigga” are in constant competition for how many times they can be said in one sentence.
It really leaves a great deal to be desired.
I have been trying my best to breakdown the various behavioral traits that I have adopted in this place. Because of that, I have not been speaking much. Normally I am very vocal , direct and assertive in everything I do in here. I address issues, stupidity and ignorance immediately. It’s just who I am. Realizing that I cannot be that way outside of these walls has given me the incentive to ‘pull the reigns in’.
I never gave much thought to how a change would be received from the inmate population though. The perception is that since I have been quiet, I must surely be angry, irritated or even plotting something. They are actually in fear of whatever it is they have imagined that is going on in my head. Because most people believe that I have too much influence as an inmate in general, I will have to find a balance.