‘The man in the Mirror’
As I stood shirtless before one the many bathroom mirrors this
morning, brushing my teeth and washing the sleep off of my face, I locked eyes
with myself. I began to quickly analyze the man I have become.
I am older now, but in a good way. There is no mistaking me for a
boy, or somebody in their 20’s. I feel as though I am a handsome man, but that
could be because I am surrounded by men who have not taken good care of
themselves in life. I have an impenetrable look that can be taken as cold or
intimidating. Over the years, the color of my eyes have become lighter and yet,
they appear to be almost lonely. There is no denying that I have secrets
which I guard very closely. I maneuver throughout each day as if I am
completely unaffected by all that goes on around me. But it is all a lie. I
have simply become an excellent actor.
The honest truth is that over the past year or so, I have become
so good at keeping up appearances that even my friends and family think that I
am “okay”. Really, I have just become tired of complaining or talking about my ‘stuff’.
I am the only one who can work on me, so I do that on my own. I have chosen
this.
I am incredibly driven physically and determined mentally to be
the best David that I can be. For now, that means baby steps for me. Again, I
have chosen this.
There is so much good within me, but I repress that here. I have developed
the ability to know the difference between right and wrong, truth and a lie,
reality and fantasy. I am a positive thinking man in a negative thinking
environment. I feel dirty all of the
time. It feels like there is a permanent layer of filth upon my skin; a layer
of drugs, deceit, grime and rotting teeth. A layer that I will never be able to
escape until the day I walk away from this place.
My tattoos tell a story in the mirror reflection. They are bold
and unique; rebellious but beautiful. They are both telling and secretive.
Soon, my shirt will hide them again and, as I slide my glasses upon my face,
the real David will also slide back inside for safe keeping.
Alone, but safe.
That is my man in the mirror.
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