‘Do I Think I Am A Good Person?’

Thursday, February 13, 2014

So I was broached with the question; “Do I think that I am a good person?” Unfortunately, I really couldn’t come up with a solid answer and that was disheartening to say the least. Instinctively, I want to say ‘yes’. Wouldn’t most people? The problem is, when I analyze myself further… well, I’m not so sure. In any case, this what I have come up with thus far.

According to society, today I am a convicted murderer. My actions took the lives of 3 innocent people. That acknowledgement and well, ownership alone, doesn’t give me much to go on as far as feeling that I am a “good person”. I realize completely that even good people do bad things. Perhaps that adage applies to me being that my crime was not committed with malice or intent. I’m not sure. Still it weighs on my heart and conscience heavily everyday and I will never be able to escape it.

If I compartmentalize my felony conviction then of course one would believe that it would considerably easier to answer the question. I have to say – that is not the case for me.

I have done so many negative things in my life. I have lied to the people I love most, stolen from them, manipulated them and taken them for granted. I am lucky that they never gave up on me. To this day, they have my back and best interests at heart, just as they always have. Sometimes I can’t believe that they haven’t simply cut their ties to me. I love them and owe my life to them in so many ways. Sorry it took so long for me to realize what I had in them.

On the plus side, I have had quite a journey and have really grown into a complex, confident man. Yes, I put in a lot of work towards self betterment but I have to give credit, where credit is due; Mom, Jan, Kevin and Joey…. 

Thank you.

I am very well aware of what is right and wrong. I am decisive, and responsible. I am kind, but firm in how I relate to others. I am tolerant and ‘try’ to be as non-judgmental as possible. Who am I to cast stones anyway? I have adopted my mother’s work ethic which is diligent and fearless. I have a plan for the future, goals and dreams that I never had before. Most importantly, I have a willingness to work for them.

I know that I will be able to have a productive and meaningful life upon my release. The fact that I may not deserve it, given my history, is very present in my mind and gives me the motivation to do my very best. 

Mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually I am good. Really though, I am constantly working on it.