Thursday, December 27, 2012

Another weekend: "Why can I not decide what I want to do with my life?"

Monday, December 17, 2012

As a whole. The weekend was ok. There was a stabbing in dorm 5 and a shank (makeshift knife) was found in the C-run of my dorm, but besides that, I had a quiet and calm weekend.
I spent my time working out, reading a book about Land Rovers (a guilty pleasure) and watching TV with my bro John. Today marks our last day of work before we go on Christmas break so I know things will be busy and chaotic. Come Wednesday I will be looking very forward to another break so you will hear no complaints from me.

Right now, it is 5:00 AM. It’s dark and everyone is still asleep, which I love. John got up and went out for a run. I almost went along, but had some other stuff to do before we head into work. The fact that it is 28 degrees outside was not much of a motivator either. No, I think I would rather sit here writing and have a cup of coffee.
Why can I not decide what I want to do with my life?

Like always, I had a really good conversation with Joe over the weekend. He has been trying to get me to really think about my future and start making some decisions. There are so many variables though, and while I know the direction I want to go in, I keep hitting brick walls in a way. I’m expecting that he will come out to visit after the New Year so I can have some much needed one-on-one time with him.
Right now, if I had to tell you what I wanted to do within the first 5 years of my release, I’d say the following:

·       Immediately move to Boston and find a place to live on a temporary basis

·       Find employment

·       Buy a loft or apartment. (I want to own something)

·       Get a dog or two

So, I have complete faith that I can accomplish these things because I have crazy drive and ambition. There is no other way except up from here and I am very good with challenging situations. The area that I get completely stuck at, time and time again is employment. I mean, really, what the hell am I going to do for money? Obviously I can live hand-to-mouth, but I do not want to do that for the rest of my life. I have a really wide range of career interests and yet, still cannot decide on one particular thing. When it comes to quick employment, to just get some money coming in, I have an easier time with that;
1.       I have a Masters Degree in Fitness Training so I can get into a gym and do personal, or even private training. This does have the potential to grow into an actual career, but I do not know.
2.       I am an excellent bartender, but it’s difficult to get your foot in the door. Once in though, the money is very good.
3.       I could easily renew my Massage Therapy certification and make some cash doing that. It would not be long term, but it would be something.

As far as long term career goals, I am at a loss. My main interests are as follows:

1.       Abnormal Behavior Psycho Therapy

2.       Home renovation and house flipping

3.       Personal Fitness and Competitive Sports

 Last night, I asked John what he could truly see me doing and he said that he saw me as a trainer of some sorts. He saw me owning my own Personal Training Company. Hmmm. Obviously this got me thinking because it is quite possible. On the plus side, I don’t believe my felony would actually prevent that from happening.

I need to think about this. Joe is right; I need a plan.
John has returned and has 10 minutes to shower and shave before we go to work. I have to make his coffee. Sometimes I feel as though I am already in a relationship…only my partner is a straight Polish guy from South Beach, Miami!


  1. A fitness trainer seems logical and practical to me...especially if it's going to bring you satisfaction.

  2. Okay, trying again to comment. Why not do a specialized form of training. For people who have injuries or medical conditions that have done their round of physical therapy but need someone to guide them to get fit and do it safely. To bridge the gap between PT and working out unassisted, keeping their condition in mind and tailoring workouts to their needs. Usually PT fixes the issue, you feel fit and have been doing well, then you are released and you slip back into your old ways. PT has already laid the groundwork. You are over the getting used to working out hump, but have no direction. Just a thought.....

    Also, why the hell are we the taxpayers paying to incarcerate and keep someone who will most likely NOT reoffend, who is not a "career criminal", and would be a productive member of society???? Meanwhile drug dealers and others do 50 tours through the system with no end in sight and no hope for change. Boggles the mind.

  3. Or---you could teach. You have your Masters. Or, spend a year in school and become a physical therapist? I am sure you already have 90% of the core classes.

    And for those of you reading this, any ONE of us could be him. Remember the two drinks you had with friends after work? The Christmas party? The big game? THINK of how many times you have driven home after a few drinks with dinner. I don't see how they even charged him with what they did. My husband says the laws in AZ may be different as to what constitutes what. Any one of us could be right where he is. Thank G-d above for his Mom and Joe.