So, this morning as I was shaving in the bathroom, I had reality
hit me in the face like a sledgehammer. I hate when this happens. My shirt was
off and somehow, I began to focus on my torso and face. I studied myself with
great intensity. Things have changed. I shave my head now. I used to have beautiful
hair. The wrinkles around my eyes are longer and much more pronounced. My eyes
appear to be lighter and for some reason, much more walnut, or honey in color.
My body however, has never been in such great physical shape. Every
muscle is alive and defined. The tattoos on my body are all Asian in theme and
strategically placed to work with the musculature of my body. I love it, yet it
feels almost foreign to me. The feeling is hard to explain.
I definitely look older though. Just how much older? I do not
know. I still see me, but a very different version. I can’t help but to wonder; will I age much more by the time I get out of here, or not? Will this place
preserve me like some person laying lifeless in a morgue, or will I get out
looking weathered and beaten as so many people do? I am altogether saddened by
the very thought of that. It’s not that I am concerned about the physical
appearance in itself… it’s more that the change in my appearance, signifies
that time has passed. It is time that I have lost.
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