So, this morning as I was shaving in the bathroom, I had reality hit me in the face like a sledgehammer. I hate when this happens. My shirt was off and somehow, I began to focus on my torso and face. I studied myself with great intensity. Things have changed. I shave my head now. I used to have beautiful hair. The wrinkles around my eyes are longer and much more pronounced. My eyes appear to be lighter and for some reason, much more walnut, or honey in color.My body however, has never been in such great physical shape. Every muscle is alive and defined. The tattoos on my body are all Asian in theme and strategically placed to work with the musculature of my body. I love it, yet it feels almost foreign to me. The feeling is hard to explain.
I definitely look older though. Just how much older? I do not know. I still see me, but a very different version. I can’t help but to wonder; will I age much more by the time I get out of here, or not? Will this place preserve me like some person laying lifeless in a morgue, or will I get out looking weathered and beaten as so many people do? I am altogether saddened by the very thought of that. It’s not that I am concerned about the physical appearance in itself… it’s more that the change in my appearance, signifies that time has passed. It is time that I have lost.