It is 3:00 AM and I cannot sleep. This is not unusual for me
because overall, I sleep less and less these days. I can’t put my finger on why
that is exactly but I have accepted it. Lately I have been looking at my
surroundings with the eye of a caged animal. The brick and mortar is mundane,
with the color near that of a psych ward. I miss grass, and trees, and most of
all, water. All I have to look at is sand, gravel and fencing. The miles and
miles of barbed wire doesn’t help much either. Sometimes I will stare outside
my window at the highway and watch the cars speeding by. I wonder if the people
in those cars ever give a single thought to the men living here. I know I didn’t.
ironic, but I remember once driving past this place on my way to San Diego to
visit a guy I was seeing. I remember seeing a glimpse of orange and now, I have
become that glimpse to someone else.
There is no doubt that I am very tired of being here. The hard
part is knowing why I am here and then accepting it, while all the while knowing
that I shouldn’t be here. I can’t even begin to make sense of it all.
What I do know is that another day is here whether I like it or
not. I have to work today. I have to go shopping at the store because I need
food. I have to work out. I have to do these things in order to keep moving
forward. Deep down inside though, I don’t want to do anything. I want to crawl
back into bed, close my eyes and go far, far away.
Unfortunately, the only person I know that has actually worked for
was Dorothy. 
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