A change in direction; "I try not to give much thought to my release."

Friday, December 7, 2012

So I am 5 ½ years away from my release. Joe and my mom have, more or less, been on my ass to start making plans now. This is easier said than done because I try not to give much thought to my release. I know that may sound completely insane, but it is true. Always thinking about my release is disastrous to my psyche. I have to focus on the here and now, the present, if you will. Thinking about my release will drive me crazy and make my days very difficult.

I know that I cannot just walk out the gates without a plan and that I do have to have some sort of basic strategy for what I will do. It’s complicated though.

Here is where I am at so far:

Option #1 I am released and go back to the house in Scottsdale where I was living before. I will move back into my old room, live with my mom and my life will resume. She was supposed to sell that house, but I suspect that will not happen. She is more or less, afraid of change and refuses to leave Arizona until I am released.

Option #2 I am released and go back to San Francisco. I live in another house that I grew up in, with my aunt Jan. This situation is definitely a much better option than the 1^st. I will be back in the city I love the most. That city holds all my most wonderful memories. It is the city that made me. The downside is that it will take me even longer to move out of her house, and into my own place independently as San Francisco has a very high cost of living. I believe I could do it though.

Option #3 I am released and head to Boston. I either stay with Joe temporarily of go to a halfway house. The initial idea of living with Joe was great, but it would be very challenging. We are a seriously odd couple. I also love him too much to put such a wrench in his lifestyle. I would very quickly become a burden to him. I know how he is when even people he loves are houseguests for a few days. It’s hilarious, but I do take heed to it.

The idea of moving into a halfway house is something that I thought I would never do, but now, seems actually somewhat appealing. I’d be on my own and have nothing to do but focus on, besides getting back up on my own feet.

Now, let’s not forget that I have an overall desire to live in New England for my permanent address. That doesn’t mean that it has to happen, but I would like it to. I am also on a transfer list to finish my time in Massachusetts. I have been on that waiting list for 3 years now and with any luck, I will get transferred with only a year or two remaining on my sentence. Should that be the case, I will be in Boston anyways.

I still have time to decide on these options, but it is a very important decision for me. I have to decide where I am going to, and then, what I am going to do.

I have a lot on my mind.