Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Time to get my mental shit together...

Friday, November 23, 2012

What now?
I guess it’s back to business as usual. This morning I will write some letters and do some laundry. I will work out in the afternoon and then make some phone calls. I feel good though and the fact that I have 3 days off, is so nice. I have to take advantage of them though. There is a lot on my mind and it’s the perfect time to put everything in check. My mental list of thoughts is as follows:

1. The Boston Transfer. I have not really gone into this much, but I have put in for a request to transfer to a facility in Massachusetts over 2 years ago and have been patiently waiting. We have been given the run around a couple of times now, but what it all boils down to is; I have to wait for an inmate in Massachusetts DOC to request a transfer to Arizona. If that happens, I can go – providing I pay out $6,000. in fees.  We will do that, but every day, I lose more and more hope. I really would love to be able to put Arizona behind me despite the fear of having to essentially ‘start over’ in a whole new prison system.

2. Job Change. My job is great. I mean yeah, I work crazy long hours and have to deal with a lot of drama, but it does give me that feeling as though I am a regular person outside of these walls, who has a purpose and that is needed at their job.
Right before we went on this vacation though, my boss informed me that he made his promotion and is on a list to be assigned to a different prison unit. If that happens, then I will have to look for another position. I am not too keen on the person who would likely take his place.
My options would be to:

·       Not work and instead, really focus on the blog, my workouts, letters etc.

·       Work for Swift Trucking company as some sort of office clerk

·       Apply to work for the Deputy Warden in administration

·       Speak to our Deputy Warden and ask where she would like me to work
Most likely, my boss will not leave until January, so I have some time make a decision.

3. Mom. I have been really trying to pay attention to developing a better understanding of who my mother is now. While doing that, I have also been weighing in on things that she may need from me upon my release vs what I know she will want. There is a huge difference between the two so it has to be well thought out.
For example:

·       Mom’s plan in her head; She would relocate from Arizona to Boston, or possibly, to South Beach, Miami. I promptly move in with her and begin living my life. Mom and I have a truly unique relationship and I love her dearly, but I do not want to be that 37 year old man living at home with his mother and looking at a dead end. The thing is that I know she wants to be near me wherever I am. When I sit and tell her my plan though, there are times that I don’t think she hears me. I know that I will be there for her, but finding a balance, or a situation that would work, is challenging.

·       My plan in my head: I am released and move into Joe’s house. Mom would live nearby. At Joe’s, I would feel less parental pressure and would feel some semblance of true independence. I could essentially hit the ground running, but still have the support and advice of a good friend at the same time. There would not be that maternal factor in that equation. I would still be able to see my mom all the time and be there for her just the same.
I don’t know, somewhere between these two plans, we will have to meet in the middle.
As you can see, I definitely have some things to think about.

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