Saturday, December 8, 2012

Shameful; "I feel shame every second of every day."

Saturday, December 1, 2012

It has been brought to my attention that my friend James, is the only follower of my blog. The realization of this is bittersweet. James is an incredibly sweet guy who I am growing to like more and more everyday. It says so much about his friendship to me that he would be willing to put himself out there for me. James – if you are reading this, I thank you, from the bottom of my heart.
On the flip side, this news has also caused me to realize that the people who are closest to me, whom I know keep up with the blog, have not become official ‘followers’.  I cannot help but to wonder if their reluctance to do so is from embarrassment, or simply that they really do want to retain their privacy. Either way, I respect their wishes. I won’t lie though, it still makes me wonder. If there is shame involved, it should not be them who are ashamed. It should be me. Believe me when I say that it is me. I feel shame every second of every day that I landed myself in this place. How could I possibly be proud of that? I will be a felon for the rest of my life. I may look back on this experience, years from now, and tell someone about how I made a terrible choice when I was 20 years old, and then paid the price. But deep down, there will always be shame.

No comments:

Post a Comment