I find myself regularly thinking about all the ‘what ifs?’. I think a lot of people in the world do this both in, and out of prison. Some may think that it is a waste of time; that all things happen for a reason. But does that hold true when it is our own decisions that change the course within our lives?My most reoccurring ‘what ifs?’ are as follows:
· What if … my father Joe had not died?
· What if … we had never moved to Arizona?
· What if … I hadn't gone out on the night of the accident?
· What if … I never met my OG’s face and crime in prison?
· What if … I chose to pretend that I was straight?
· What if … I had handled things differently with my ex partner Marc?These are all irrelevant at this point because what is done, is done. I have no choice but to move forward. Still, I find myself thinking about these things at random times. I don’t know if there will ever be a time that I will not wish that I could go back and change things. People say they have no regrets but I am not one of those people.
Everyday that I wake, I have regrets. I guess that’s just me though.