Sunday, October 21, 2012

Change; "I used to fear change. Now, I crave it."

Saturday, October 13, 2012

It’s another day in the sandpit. So far, I have spent a quiet morning writing letters and listening to music. My mental health is good and I am not getting a visit this weekend, so I can relax. I hate to say it, but the weekends where I do not get a visit are actually pretty good. Things on the home-front have not been particularly good lately and I because of all the problems, I am remaining disconnected. I want to help but, when I give advice, I tend to take it personally when it is not at least considered. I can also get quickly irritated when I hear complaints about things in which they have to power to fix, or change.  With that in mind, I’d really prefer not listening to it all. Unfortunately, that is unfair of me.
I complain and vent to Joe and Mom all the time. They have no power to fix things for me. They realize that I also have little power to change things. With regard to them and their problems though, it’s different. They do have the power to fix things for themselves. I feel that sometimes they do not take advantage of their ability to make change in their lives. It’s funny, I remember a time when I used to fear change. Now, I crave it. My fear now, is of not having the ability to change, of being stuck in one place and of missing out on opportunity.

I sincerely believe that if the people I love most spent just one day in this place, they would absolutely look at life in a completely different way. All it would take, is one day. That will not happen however and I, have exhausted all of my motivational skills. I am now at the point where I have learned to let them do what they are going to do, because that, is what I have to do for myself as well.

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