It’s another day in the sandpit. So far, I have spent a quiet
morning writing letters and listening to music. My mental health is good and I
am not getting a visit this weekend, so I can relax. I hate to say it, but the
weekends where I do not get a visit are actually pretty good. Things on the
home-front have not been particularly good lately and I because of all the problems, I am remaining
disconnected. I want to help but, when I give advice, I tend to take it
personally when it is not at least considered. I can also get quickly irritated
when I hear complaints about things in which they have to power to fix, or
change. With that in mind, I’d really
prefer not listening to it all. Unfortunately, that is unfair of me.
I complain and vent to Joe and Mom all the time. They have no
power to fix things for me. They realize that I also have little power to
change things. With regard to them and their problems though, it’s different. They
do have the power to fix things for themselves. I feel that sometimes they do
not take advantage of their ability to make change in their lives. It’s funny,
I remember a time when I used to fear change. Now, I crave it. My fear now, is
of not having the ability to change, of being stuck in one place and of missing
out on opportunity.
I sincerely believe that if the people I love most spent just one
day in this place, they would absolutely look at life in a completely different
way. All it would take, is one day. That will not happen however and I, have
exhausted all of my motivational skills. I am now at the point where I have
learned to let them do what they are going to do, because that, is what I have
to do for myself as well.
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